I've been out to my mum as trans for about a year now, and she's mostly very accepting and she is trying her hardest to understand and be supportive. I did realise, though, that she used to have, or still has, some misconceptions in her mind. For example, she thinks it's ok to say words like ladyboy and thinks it's unfair on others to not tell them I'm trans. But also whenever she is talking about a trans person in the news, or a trans friend of mine etc, she ALWAYS misgenders them right from the start. Even if it is someone she never knew of from before they transitioned. I honestly can not think of any trans person who she has talked about and used the right pronouns ever. The only cause I can think of is that she sub subconsciously still sees trans people as the gender they were born as, or doesn't take them seriously. When she does it I usually get a bit pissed at her and correct her, but I don't know how to talk to her about it, or if I even should. Whenever I try talking to her about it she gets angry at me. Does anyone have any idea why she's doing this, how I can talk to her, or can relate?
Hi @jaska, I am sorry to hear that. I would temporary try to allow some space for your mom. She may have tried her hardest being supportive and understanding to your situation outwardly, but on the inside, if she has never been truly open about these things, it will take some time for her to truly come to terms with this situation with her child. Especially if she is from the older generation parents as most of their minds have been habitually brought up by their conservative parents to not be very accepting of these issues. Try to see that she is also going through a painful process herself to go against her mind, beliefs and perspective, in order to completely accept and love her child. It's not easy for her as much as it is for you. Try to also see that people are the best that they can be and they can only change so much, even and only if they want to change themselves. Understand that we cannot truly control other peoples' reaction towards us and you will soon learn to allow them the space to slowly process their perspective themselves in their own terms. She may not be able to completely understand you, she may not have been the perfect mother, but right now she is trying her best to be a loving mother for her child by going against her own mind for you. Only a mother's unconditional love can go that far for her child. And even if she failed to do so, she's only being the best person she can be. Try to forgive her if and when that happens. Meanwhile, I would try to just be myself. Learn to be secure and comfortable with myself. We can only be responsible for ourself, not other people. When others see how comfortable we are with ourselves, they may also began to see that we are just as human as the next label. I hope this helps Ben
