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What's the best way to attract attention? Tired of being single

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by heythere999, Jul 15, 2016.

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  1. heythere999

    heythere999
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    Male here.

    So basically at this point I've come out to over 50 people (not to my mom or brother tho, I don't think that's necessary until I have a boyfriend). I'm sure they've also spread it to lord knows who.

    I've even made an openly gay friend, who has said that I'm "seriously cute" and that I'm like "catnip for gays" and that "guys will be all over me."

    On one hand, I don't want to post an announcement on social media or anything because I'm sure that will cause a lot of attention and drama. And I know a lotttt of people, so it'll just garner tons of attention. I don't really want that.

    On the other hand, I'm 21 now, I've only made out with 8 or so girls... And that's the extent of it. I'm tired of not having really done anything with a guy and I'm tired of being single.

    There's one guy I have my eyes on, and the thing is I know he's gay, but I'm not really supposed to know. He's only told a few close friends and I guess they spread it like wildfire plus I've found out he's done things with two guys. We follow each other on social media, we've met once (was a simple "hi" "sup bro" exchange... Literally it), I think he's pretty obvious, but I'm not really the type of guy that would want to start off on a private message :/ we have a lot of mutual friends, but no CLOSE mutual friends. So I'm not really sure what to do. Plus if I take a plunge there's a lot of risk plus I have no clue if he finds me attractive.

    I've also tried ****** for about a couple of weeks, but it's really not my thing plus I saw a lot of guys that I know that are deep in the closet and I don't like carrying that burden of info on me.

    So basically... What do I do? Do I just patiently wait it out and hope something good comes? Or what?

    It's weird... I'm sort of in a groove where I'm out, but not really out at the same time.

    ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2016 at 12:03 AM ----------

    My bad for the censored word, it was a dating app. Not my thing
     
    #1 heythere999, Jul 15, 2016
  2. resu

    resu
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    You are in control of your actions and not others'. So, take the initiative and get to know this guy you like, trying at first not to imply you know he is gay. Try to befriend him just like any other acquaintance you want to know better. I know from experience how frustrating it can be to like a guy who I hope will make the first move and never does. If he doesn't even want to be friends, a relationship sounds even less likely (some closeted guys just get paranoid, and you can't help it).
     
    #2 resu, Jul 16, 2016
  3. heythere999

    heythere999
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    But why else would I randomly message him on social media? Sure we have each other added but he has his friends I have mine. There would really be no other reason to aside from trying to "get at him".
     
    #3 heythere999, Jul 16, 2016
  4. resu

    resu
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    Try to find some common connection that you can use as an icebreaker. Maybe a current event, or a shared interest like music, sports, etc. that would seem harmless to talk about. People will notice when you pay attention to what they have to say, especially if you ask questions so they can share their passion for a certain subject.
     
    #4 resu, Jul 17, 2016
  5. Gleeko0

    Gleeko0
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    Thats the best road!

    Connection is the most important part. Befriend people first, what comes in addition is bonus :wink:. When you get the hang of it you will be surprised at how many times people feel interested in you, even when you are not thinking about it. That's my experience at least. I found out it's more common than usual, but some people are just afraid to show it for the same reasons we might be.

    So, best track is to get to know each other. Search for a connection, try to share common interests during conversations. Of course this is not mandatory lol. I've been with a guy, in a casual sense, during a party, where we had almost no common subjects to relate to. Talking was near impossible. The only thing we had in common was.... being gay. I used that to start a conversation and then things worked out from there. It was good, but weird, since we barely shared any conversations because our subject hubs were so different. Still, it didn't made the encounter impossible.

    In your case, you are describing a much more stable situation, so go for persistence. Not in the stalker sense, but more like the "show up" sense. Make yourself known by showing up at places and doing activities he does, don't be so obvious that you are interested, people like mystery, but also don't be excessively indirect. Go towards the friendship route in a flirtatious way. Be yourself :wink:

    I felt just like you, frustrated that I didn't have many encounters. I felt like my gay side was invisible. Well, it's a matter of time, it takes some time to build an image, to get to know people. But it's all a matter of time and knowing people. The more people you know, the highest the friendship and encounter probabilities! In that sense, you seem well served, as you said you know a lot of people. So, work on these possibilities!
     
    #5 Gleeko0, Jul 18, 2016
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