Friendships gone downhill...

Hello everyone! This post is mostly about my friendship with my best friend, but there is also some other things.

I'll start from the beginning. In gindergarden, which was about 10 years ago, I met this girl X and we just clicked together. We became best friends quickly and when we got into the same class in primary school, life was perfect. We did everything together, we saw each other outside of school like every other day plus weekends. We promised that we would be friends forever, but it didn't go so well, after we went to secondary school, when we were about 12 years old.

They say here in Finland that secondary school is the worst part of your life. In my case, it was pretty much that. I wasn't popular, skinny or pretty like my best friend. We both got new friends (pretty much the same friends), but while she was having a great time, I was bullied by other students from our class. Boys called me names, like fat and ugly etc. and the girls teased me about other things. Nobody wanted to sit next to me, except my few friends, and they often complained out loud, if they had to. One time, this one guy refused to sit next to me, because "he wouldn't have fitted to sit next to me" (I'm about normal weight, maybe a little sturdy). I couldn't tell anybody, so I bottled it up inside. I became depressed, but it didn't end there. My friends changed, except one, who sadly wasn't my best friend, but she also followed the group and her best friend (who I hate nowadays from the bottom of my heart). I just felt that they didn't care about me that much anymore. When I said something that meant really much to me, they skipped over it very quickly and continued their own conversations. Usually, they didn't say hello to me, when I came to school in the morning. I was usually the last person to be picked in projects and all that stuff. I felt lonely and my depression grew to the point that I self harmed. I just felt so numb inside. I managed to stop that after a year or so, but my depression stayed.

At the end of secondary school, me and my best friend never talked outside school. She was always with the person I mentioned earlier (who I hate now), while I often sat at home alone. She betrayed me once pretty bad, so I was a bit hesitant of being with her, so I let it be. Anyways, My way parted with everyone else's, because we all went to different high schools. I was exited, since I didn't know anybody from my school, which meant a fresh, new start for me. And I soon realised that it was the best thing that had happened to me in a very long time. Everyone is so nice in my school and I found three new friends. I was really happy.

But few weeks ago, when I was outside walking with my dog, she walked towards me with her friend (Again, the same person I hate). I smiled at her and said hello, because I still care about her, but I got nothing in return. She just kept silent and looked away, while they walked past me. That hurt so much and I started to cry in the middle of the street, but I didn't care. After 9 years of our friendship, nothing. She doesn't wish me happy birthday anymore, like she used to and like I do to her every year. It's like she never knew me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I would give anything to have our relationship back, what it was back then, but now that I saw her, I don't think she wants the same. She moved on, maybe I should too, even though it breaks my heart.

My parents know about this situation, but they don't understand. Both of them have wonderful friendships.

But, thank you to everyone, who read this far. I just had to vent about it somewhere, and since this place is so wonderful, so I posted it on here.