1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't want drama in the friend group

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Loppox, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. Loppox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2016
    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    My house
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Okay so problem: I realised I was head over heels for this girl, probably in love with her for over more than 3 years (or at least just slowly and slowy falling more and more for her).

    I know it won't work out with this girl. why? because she is probably not into me and is more into the guys.

    While knowing this, I did not spit out my feelings towards her, because I said to myself ''you need to get over her'' and I am distancing myself from her so that I can hopefully reduce my feelings.

    Did that for a year, had not much physical contact with her (hugging, kisses, etc) and tried talking less and less to her, but not too much, because she is a very close friend.

    But still after reducing contact I thought I could back to a ''just friends'' feeling towards her.

    well, that doesn't work. Every time she says a nice thing or touches me for longer than a second I am completely drawn back to her. But it eventually leaves me sad because it triggers my hopes and dreams that will never be reality.

    Nowadays it's whenever I see her again, I cry afterwards. I don't want that, how do I stop that. She is still my friend?

    Tell her my feelings you say? NOPE, absolute nope. She would get so uncomfortable with me and I don't want that. I don't want her to think that all the times that I touched her were in a romantic aspect and not a platonic one. I don't want her to know that the kisses I gave her meant something.

    She would freak out.

    So leaving is the only option (which was my intention really), but we have shared friends, so I will see her every now and then. I want to keep those friends but not feel sad (and high) every time I see her. Plus if the friend group knows what's going on, they will not feel comfortable having us in the same room. bc of the tension. And it's weird to have seperate parties? The group falling apart bc of drama?

    What must I do?
     
  2. YesHomo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Oh dang, that's a hard one. But you did say she "probably isn't into you" because you're a girl. How do you know that she doesn't like you? I understand wanting to keep her as a friend, but at some point you have to take the plunge. Just go for it. Tell her straight (ha get it straight) up how you feel. Don't sugar coat it, but don't make her feel guilty afterwards. Make sure she's comfortable even if she says no. If she does say no well just tell her it's ok and that you still want to be friends. You've felt like this for so long, you can't just rot away in the friend zone. Get that confidence and go for it! And if it fails well there are plenty of fish in the sea.
     
  3. Loppox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2016
    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    My house
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The ''probably'' comes from the fact that I never straight up told her lol, so I can't say for sure if she says no, but the chance is there like 99,9% she'll reject me.

    I know she does not like me because she talks about being is love with this dude or whatever, she is always chasing the guys. And to some degree I can annoy her with some of my habits. I tried to pull her in a romantic sense to me (subtle flirting, not straight up telling her.), but she shot it down a few times so those are signs to back off.

    And oh no I would never sugarcoat it hah, if I were ever going to tell her, it would probs go like ''Yeah I like you, a lot, so just so yknow, quick update to life.''

    She would also not appreciate it that I held back telling her for so long..