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Am I too clingy or is he not making enough effort

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Udexybabs, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. Udexybabs

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    So I've been dating this guy for over a month now. When we're together it's great! There's a solid connection and I can see us lasting a long time. However, there is an issue. I feel like im being too clingy.

    We live in the same town, and I want to see him almost every day. Whenever we do meet, it is always me that arranges it. He never asks me. I'm not expecting to see him every day, but it would be nice for him to actually ask me to do something rather than the other way around.

    So, I feel clingy because I need constant contact with him. He can stop replying to me for a few hours at a time and I genuinely miss him. Whenever I ask to meet him, he hesitates like he doesn't want to see me. He's told me he finds it hard to make time for people as he's always busy and doing stuff. But that doesnt help me. I still want him to make more of an effort with me and actually make me feel like he wants to see me. I feel clingy everytime I ask to hang out and it's bugging me out.

    Ps - he's going back to school in September and I'll be seeing him less when that happens. So I want to see him as much as I can before then. I just need advice guys because I'm really confused
     
  2. YesHomo

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    I understand where he is coming from. Personally I usually don't ask my girlfriend to hang out, shes the one to initiate most conversations. It's not that he dislikes you or doesn't care, sometimes people are just really lazy. I just do nothing until someone asks me to hang out and I feel like he's the same way. I've made up excuses like saying I'm "too busy" just because I'm tired and need to be alone. This doesn't mean he loves you any less, he's just a bit introverted. Even if he is comfortable and confident in public doesn't mean he can't want to be alone. Don't stop asking to hang out, just respect him and back off if he says he can't. He also could be genuinely busy. If you feel like you're drifting apart, ask him about it. It usually helps. Communication is key in any relationship and you can learn each others boundaries. Overall I would say don't worry about it and if it gets to a really bad point just ask him gently. I'm sure things will work out for you!
     
  3. Gunsmoke

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    Totally agree with YesHomo here, I'd say that he probably just needs time alone. Personally, whilst I wouldn't call you "clingy" I would say that hypothetically, I would personally find the level of communication that you initiate to be a little overwhelming. He probably just needs a bit more space, I mean, having somebody want to see you nearly every day has got to be a little draining, no offence meant.

    Maybe you could talk to him about it or at least try and explain your side of things, in fact, if you were to talk to him about this it would provide you with an opening to ask him how he feels about this. I don't know about "clingy", but you do seem to be putting a lot of energy into the relationship - not that there's anything wrong with that - but some people, especially introverts, might find it hard to match that level of energy.
     
  4. robclem21

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    Balance is important in a relationship, and believe me, I struggle with this too because I'd love to see my bf everyday. He needs time for work, school, his family, his friends, and to be able to make time for all of those, sometimes it can be difficult to see you every day. Some time in between to miss each other is a very good thing and can actually make your relationship stronger.

    I understand that you feel clingy, and I have too at times, and I know it sucks. There is a good chance, that you are being clingy, but also mixed in with the fact he needs to make more of an effort. I would talk to him about this, apologize for not giving him some space (so as to not seem like you are blaming him for this), but make it clear you would like him to take charge sometimes making plans. In return for more effort on his part, you will give him some space. Sometimes it can be difficult for him to ask you when you are so quick to fill up all of your time with him. He needs to be able to have a chance to make plans with you before you ask him.

    This may result in you seeing him a bit less, but that's okay and you need to recognize that. It will be better for the relationship and you will find him more willing to reach out to make plans with you when he misses you and feels like he has space.