Unable to Confide or Form Long-Term Relationships

Despite having a therapist (and a twin sister for crying out loud!) I can't help feeling as though I have nobody to talk to at all. I joined EC a couple of months ago and was quick to admire the sense of community and the support given here, but that did not stop me from dropping off the face of the Earth as far as EC is concerned. In fact, you can probably argue that I've done that in varying degrees with all of my relationships. Being bisexual is certainly not the only factor contributing to my self-sequestering behavior (social anxiety and depression, as well as being a nihilist at heart, may have something to do with it), but it definitely plays a role. I could say that a childhood of being the gullible kid made me distrusting of just about everyone and everything, but that doesn't quite cover it. I'm probably the only person who has a therapist but never actually talks to her about anything important. If this post is any indication, I probably need an outlet of some kind. Actually, I have plenty of potential outlets, including EC. I just never use them. I even considered not doing this post about a dozen times while writing it. My inability to confide in people has also made it difficult if not impossible to form long-term relationships. Used to switching schools every couple of years (for various reasons—parents divorced, moved somewhere else, not sufficiently academically rigorous, etc.) meant that I could pass by with short and superficial friendships, but I'll be walking into my fourth year at my current school (longest I've been at any one school) and all of my personal relationships are suffering. I can usually survive by just hoarding my emotions and thoughts, so to speak, but it's clear that's not a healthy way to live. I'm not even sure if this is the place for this, but it's the only place I know.

 

I can relate to holding some things off limits, with a therapist. Or of being reluctant to confide in others.

What are your thoughts regarding how others you go to school with view you? If they were asked to describe you, what would they say?

You referred to yourself as "the gullible kid." Does this mean that others picked on you or bullied you, using information that you gave them about yourself? Are you confused about the appropriate place to share information with others? Has there been anyone in your life whom you have trusted completely, and who has been there for you no matter what?

These are just a few questions, to get you started. You can do this here. It is safe. You are behind a curtain, and you don't have to identify yourself to anyone, until you want to.

 

I can't really help with the issue here, as I'm in the same boat. But I've started confiding in people a little more, and most of that started here. So, I just want to say you aren't alone in feeling this way, and that this is good way to start opening up to others. It's not an easy process, but a worthwhile one(*hug*)