sorry for my English, hope somehow you understand Why am i sexually attracted to him(were blood related)? im confuse. I had a choice, made one, still decided to push through it and there I found out, I accidentally had known him doing casual sex(as i perceive it)with younger man probably my age. that time also i found out he is gay,never out to us relatives. but hes open to his friend probably. I’m worried for him, I inform him what I did. We never really had that real talk on the stuff. Probably his making me realize that’s it not worth it that I know about it, or maybe his punishing me. I don’t know. I can assume a lot of things. He always treats me with silence, always beat around the bushes, never talk what needs to be talk about when there are chances though. Silence just means a lot. silent treatment all the time. its a long time the situation is like this and its an unhealthy habit already. I’m being silent too, most of the time because of the wrong thing I did, my hands are tied. I apologize somehow. I never ask of course if he forgives me of what I did, probably he still mad at me. I had tried to talk to him, but had no confidence to face him because of what I did, and probably he wants our situation to be that way always so that I cannot ask him of stuffs.
Maybe you're adopted, that's why you are sexually attracted to him? I don't know, just a theory. I had the same experience with my first cousin (he is 3 years older than me). He abused me when I was around 9 years old and he taught me how to suck his dick. That time, I have no idea of what I'm doing, because for a 9 year old kid everything is just happiness, fun and games. I do not know anything about LGBT and sex during those times, but then when I became 12 years old I searched for that feeling way back 3 years ago so I paid men around my neighborhood just so I can give them a blowjob and it satisfies me. After doing those bad habits for like 3 years (it all stopped when I was 14, because my mom found out) I therefore concluded that I was gay and also my mom told me that I am adopted which explains my sexual attraction to my male first cousin. :eusa_doh:
maybe im searching for that feeling. just a few years back i had that unexpected experience, i never thought a relative will do me..sort of
