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I have been through a lot

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dindas, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. Dindas

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    My life has been pretty complicated so far...

    My coming out wasn´t like the "fairy tale" versions you hear from youtube videos. It was like...meh...:icon_bigg
    I am very fortunate that my mom and dad loves me and supports me. That I know. But because of me being an introvert my whole childhood I tend to crawl back into my shell. And that is my biggest problem lately.

    I was quiet kid. Shy. Then from 6-9 grade I was bullied and teased by guys in my classrom. It wasn´t something brutal but for a person who is very self-conscious was an agony. Laughing at me, making fun of my voice and behaviour, always picked last in gym class. You know the drill :lol:

    That completely destroyed anything that could be called self confidence plus I was dealing with who I am sexually.
    Then I went to High school studying acting. I may be a shy person but acting full fills me and I love it so much!
    There it took me like 2 years to come out of my shell so after 6 years of being completely alone I found friends.

    After school I was still dealing with who I want to be and who I am. I missed tons of opportunities because of my indecisive nature and I hate myself for it. I will always do first and last thing for people I love but when it comes to me I get scared to do big decisions. I don´t know why.

    I didn´t approach my dreams and went straight to work. Found many new friends, better ones and started to like living a fun life.

    I am trying to find a relationship my whole life. When I fell in love with girls I was friend-zoned. When I try to find love with guys it ends catastrophically. I tried so many times though! When I started working I lost A LOT OF weight. I was never particularly fat but I was chubby most of my life (like I didn´t have enough issues:lol:slight_smile: I felt most confident than I ever felt in my life!

    It still wasn´t enough. Gays are very very shallow. Everytime I thought I am getting close I was pushed away or found out that I ma actually part of a large "waiting list" and I´m not kidding.:lol: Sadly.

    I went through surgery a year ago. I had varicocele on both my testicles. It was the most pain I´ve ever had in my life. On the most sensitive part of a male body! And I gain weight.

    So right now! I´m going on 26 years single. Never in relationship. Had sex only once with a girl. Never had a true love´s kiss. I don´t know how it feels to be loved.

    Is patience and waiting really the only thing I can do? To make myself happy? I am trying to loose weight because I feel disgusting. But I find it extremely hard to find gay friends or boyfriend in this community. I feel like I don´t belong.

    I know this thread must be weird but I write what I feel
     
  2. Alexrocks1253

    Regular Member

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    Hey! Somebody like me, but older(except I've never had sex.)! Idk. I'm doing video games to deal with the loneliness. Do what you love to do as much as possible.

    ---------- Post added 25th Jul 2016 at 09:51 PM ----------

    It'll be fine. I know it's hard, but you'll find someone. (*hug*)
     
    #2 Alexrocks1253, Jul 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2016
  3. Ram90

    Full Member

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    I'm 26. An introvert. Obese. A virgin. Never have kissed or touched another Boy or Girl romantically. I've never been on dates. I was horribly bullied althrough college for my feminine tendencies (or lack of alpha masculine ones) and soft nature. I had my self confidence shattered many times. I had a tough time pulling myself together, but I did.

    Now I'm losing weight through careful experimented diet and exercise. I'm trying to interact with people IRL instead of hiding behind my laptop and interacting online. Over the years I've convinced myself to wait for the right time, right place, right period and right person. It's frustrating, it's hard, but not impossible. It takes a lot of effort and patience, but I believe the result, even if late, will be sweet. I'm ok waiting for a situation wherein I can move out of my family's atmosphere and out of my city and country to a more LGBT positive place where I can live openly and experience dating and boyfriends and everything. It's a slow process and it isn't easy, but it isn't impossible. You can do it too (*hug*).
     
    #3 Ram90, Jul 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2016