Hi everyone! I'm new to this community and I found it while searching for answers. While I read many threads, I still feel the need to post my own story and ask for some personal advice. Since puberty I've had a couple of girlfriends, but I always had some feelings of bicuriousity. When I was 14, I had some feelings for one of my best friends and I sometimes dreamt about certain things that could be happening. At that time I didn't feel the urge or the need to give in to that feelings as it felt unnatural and impossible to reach. Years passed, my contacts with that friend were less often as I went to University and he had to redo his year on college. But we kept in touch by sending a message once in a couple of months. This year, out of nowhere, I invited at my place to have some dinner and catch up. Later that week I invited him to my birthday-party and the number of contacts intensified. For the past two weeks we've seen each other like every two days. While I know that I have some curiosity, I was convinced that I would live a pretty straight life with a future girlfriend. I feel pretty embarrassed but I have to admit that my feelings for that friend from when i was 14 (like ten years ago) came back out of nowhere. I like his presence, I like how we can talk about lots of things.... It's like we never have stopped seeing each other. I'm not sure what his feelings are. He looks pretty straight to me, he watches the girls and during our walks (while catching Pokémon with Pokémon Go for example) and he indicates a 'girl' as a 'nice Pokémon to catch'. I don't know how to interpret his comment (if he tries to see my reaction or maybe I'm just hoping for too much). Sometimes he sends some random messages to get some response of me, sometimes he just answers with short responses and I get the feeling that I'm asking/talking too much of/with him. I'm pretty lost at this moment as I don't know what my feelings are and what to do with it. :bang: Only once I had feelings for a guy (that guy was him) and that was several years ago. I think I just love his 'inside' self, his behavior and personality. It's weird that those feelings from when I was a teenager just came back instantly. I really don't know what to do. I like the fact that we meet up again, but I don't want to push him too much into meeting up with each other. What do you guys advice me to do? Should I just put this to a rest and don't get my hopes to high?
I would be upfront with him honestly. You could be sly about it too but tell him how you feel and take it from there.
After not hearing or seeing him for a couple of years, I'm not sure if I want to take the risk of losing him again. He was at my place again today... We played a strategic boardgame together with a of friends. We had some of secret pact without discussing it and protected eachother. I wonder if I'm hoping for too much and if I'm seeing ghosts or if a small gesture like this really means something.
I think the only way you can get this going is to admit to him that you aren't 100% heterosexual (i.e., "straight but curious"). This, without admitting to him that you have a crush on him. It's been a long time, however well you knew each other all that time ago. You ought to get an idea this way of what his personal orientation may be. I am assuming you know each other well and are accustomed to discussing such personal matters.
This is a big step for me, I never told anyone about my non-straight feelings. I also have the feeling that I'm pretty bad at estimating him on that matter. I'm not sure if he's anti-, neutral or pro-gays. Would it be wiser to play the waiting game for a couple of weeks and see if our contacts stay the same way? I don't want to rush things, especially because we had some conversation a couple of days ago where we talked about "girlfriends" and that he dislikes guys who immediately start a relationship / have sex on the first date. I know you can't compare our situatuon to this, but I don't want to make mistakes that make him feel uncomfortable. I also want to be sure if he's open to this before I tell something stupid. What suprises me is how I act when he's arround, I'm way more submissive and I try to do everything what makes him happy. I'm really confused at this moment, I really want this to be something, on the other hand I'm scared to go into this direction as I didn't consider myself something other than straight and I don't want to risk losing our friendship.:bang:
