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Do I have feelings for my best friend...?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rainbow Lantern, Jul 29, 2016.

  1. Rainbow Lantern

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    I've never been very good at deciphering my emotions and lately I've been thinking about my best friend a lot and wondering how I feel about her. Something about my relationship with her feels different (at the very least more deep/emotional) than my other friendships. I also recently made a list of things that make me suspicious that I may have deeper feelings for her than I thought so I guess I'll post it here. After reading the list does anyone have any idea what this sounds like? If you already think you know after reading only part of it than don't bother reading the whole list and you may want to skip the parts in the brackets - I could talk about her forever so this is going to be long:

    - I'm very overprotective of her

    - I would do anything for her

    - I want to make her happy and do big gestures for her (e.g. I want to do something really special for her birthday even though she didn't do anything for me and barely even remembered my birthday which hurt my feelings - which is weird because she usually makes me a card and it didn't really make me feel bad when my other friends forgot)

    - I know her completely and every detail is important to me - from the way she walks to the way she drinks her milk

    - I would be really sad without her and think about her all the time - I couldn't live without her

    - When I imagine the future I always imagine her there with me and that we will always stay in contact even if my other friends don't. When I think about being an elder I think of me and her sitting beside each other on the porch in rocking chairs sitting and laughing and talking and reminiscing (note there is no one else in this fantasy - no wife even though I want to marry someday - am I thinking of her being my future wife?)

    - When she knows I'm in the room yet talks to other people I get jealous and hurt

    - She's the only one her really makes me feel deep emotions like this

    - We are open with each other and have a strong emotional bond - and I am really comfortably around her talking about anything and being myself

    - If she were to start dating anyone (other than get jealous that someone else is spending more time with her than I am and possibly getting to know more about her than I know) I would have a little "chat" with them (possibly scaring them off - which I would be fine with unless it made her sad) and tell them that if they ever hurt her I would hunt them down and they better sleep with one eye open

    - If anyone ever said anything bad about her or joked about her other than a little friendly teasing I would get really mad and tell them off

    - I trust her completely

    - I enjoy spending time with her and am always willing to do anything with her even though when it comes to other friends I don't always feel like spending time with them

    - I would go anywhere or do anything with her

    - She makes me happy and knowing she is there makes me less nervous in stressful situations

    - I like being with her and want to be with her forever

    - If I ever did anything to hurt her (which I wouldn't) I would feel awful

    - I love her (but I'm not quite sure in what way...) and don't feel this way about anyone else

    - I have a hard time listening to people sometimes or hearing them properly but I try extra hard to listen to her and remember what she says when she is talking

    - I really care about her

    - I've grown to like and laugh at all the quirky things she does

    - We are complete opposites yet still have similarities and are in tune

    - I know how she thinks and what she likes, etc

    - I fantasize about spending time alone with her and lying down on the grass next to her looking at the stars

    - Once when we were in grade two doing presentations I called someone I knew in kindergarten my best friend (who knows why) and she got jealous and hurt and before recess she stormed into the hall - I felt better and wanted to comfort her and told her that our relationship is different than mine and the other persons' (who I hadn't seen in years for the record) and I told her I loved her (she said I love you too :slight_smile:)

    - I think of her like my other half (even though I know people usually say that in regards to their spouse)

    Okay I'm going to end it there. The thing is - when people talk about crushes they say they get nervous and clammy, but I'm really comfortable with her and I've known her for ten years now so there is no way I would ever feel like that with her. Although sometimes I do get tingly thinking about her and think she is really beautiful... So, if you managed to stick with me through all that - what do you think? Are we just weirdly close friends? Am I in denial of loving her or something?
     
  2. Jackie13

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    Sounds to me like you do. :icon_wink I have all these same feelings about my best friend too. Nope, I don't get nervous and clammy either because I've known her for 15 years. I just feel really comfortable and at home. For me, it's definitely more than just friendship. Just one more question: do you want to kiss her too? I know I want to kiss my best friend, and that's one of the biggest things that tells me that it's more than friendship for me.
     
  3. Rainbow Lantern

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    Thanks for responding :slight_smile:. Yeah, I think I do want to kiss her now that I think about it. Maybe that's why I've been having so much trouble sleeping lately - I keep thinking about her.
     
  4. HappyGirlLucky

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    I agree that it sounds like you have feelings for her. :slight_smile: I also have these feelings for my best friend and we are also complete opposites but have some important similarities. She has a boyfriend though, so I keep my distance and try to make the feelings go away, but that is easier said than done haha!

    Oh, and today is her birthday and I have put together something really special for her that I know she will love. Can't wait to give it to her!
     
  5. FoxSong

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    It sounds very much like you do yes (*hug*)

    And like you're stuck in that limbo between it being more than a friendship and less than a relationship. It's a tough one. Any chance she's into the ladies?
     
  6. Miri

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    I agree with everyone else, sounds like you're smitten! Clamminess and nervousness isn't in fact an essential symptom of being in love - it's often present when you're first falling for someone you've just gotten to know, especially if you're seeing them in a romantic context (at least in your mind) right off the bat. The nervousness always wears off though, if you do experience it, while things like what you mentioned are what persist, so they're what really tell you if you're in love. Conversely, you can get nervous and clammy around other people - say boys - for totally unrelated reasons, such as that you're genuinely uncomfortable with them, and often lesbians will be uncomfortable and nervous around boys due to things like peer pressure telling them they should like that boy, even knowing that they don't. So don't think nervousness necessarily has to do either way with being in love with someone - it's important to keep in mind that when you know, you know, and if the stereotypes don't apply then that's the stereotypes' fault, not yours. Best of luck with your lady! ☺️
     
  7. oliolioli

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    You've got it bad! You've managed to put into words what I couldn't. Hope it all works out for the best!
     
  8. Rainbow Lantern

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    I have no idea.:confused: When we were little she used to say she had crushes on boys but she said that so often and about so many of the boys in my grade (many of whom she is not a big fan of) that it seems suspicious. And even if she does like guys she could still also like girls. Sometimes my friend will joke that she and another one of my friends are like a couple (because they yell at each other so much - why that makes them seem like a couple I will never know) and she gets oddly defensive (yelling things like I'm as straight as a "insert straight thing here") even though she has no problem with the lgbt community (we even had a whole discussion about lgbt rights). And there is always a chance she likes girls but doesn't realize it, or does not want to come out because her parents aren't too understanding of the lgbt community. I mean I don't really have any conclusive proof of her sexual orientation.

    ---------- Post added 31st Jul 2016 at 03:50 PM ----------

    Thanks for all the replies everyone! :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Rainbow Lantern, Jul 31, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2016