So the issue I'd like some input on is a little complex. I'm a nonbinary pansexual woman married to a trans lesbian. I am also religious, and I wear a head-scarf for religious reasons. My wife and I are both polyamorous and trying to date. Just a quick overview, being polyamorous doesn't mean I want to sleep with a bunch of people. It means I am capable of - and would prefer to - maintain multiple intimate relationships at the same time, with complete disclosure and honesty among partners. Basically it means that I am married and also trying to get dates. If you don't get it, this thread is not for you. Dating women is really hard for me since I started veiling (covering my hair). When queer women see me, they jump to conclusions. They see me as a religious woman, and assume that because I am religious, I must not be queer. So they don't bother flirting with me, and if I flirt with them, it doesn't even register. Religious and Gay are not mutually exclusive. I love God. I also love women. It's hard and often discouraging living in a world where people don't understand that not all religious people are conservatively oppressed. I'm totally out. My family and my spiritual community support me 100%. But queer women avoid me like the plague. Being married and polyamorous is also really difficult. I wear my wedding ring proudly. People know I'm married. They know my wife. Unfortunately, people have trouble separating me from my marriage in their minds. Yes, my marriage is the core of my life. But it is not my entire life. Yes, I'm a wife, but I'm also an individual. I have interests that have nothing to do with my partner. I have friends that she doesn't really interact with. And the same goes for her. We are still our own women. We are still individuals, and we are two very different women. Even when I do encounter a woman who is queer and openly attracted to me, she seems to think that she needs to flirt with my marriage instead of with me. The whole thing is just frustrating and I would love some input.
