Hey, So, my two best friends kinda leave in a few days on their holiday with their families, and I'm really upset about it. I tried to have a fun last day today, one was on his phone constantly with his girlfriend, while I had the feeling that this would be the last time he'd see me in 3 weeks, while usually he is the one saying that I don't show initiative. Everything combined, this wasnt fun, and I'll see them in like 3 weeks again. Next to this, I texted a girl from school today just after noon, and she isn't that much online usually, so I didn't look for anything that she didnt respond yet late in the evening. I just texted something like "Heyy, this maybe is a weird question but how is your vacation? (smiley)" To me, this sounded kind enough to just be nice while at the same time just texting her being clear enough that I'd like to talk to her, but at the moment I just saw that she was online on Facebook 4 hours ago, so I guess that ship has sailed. I really thought that at least she could respond, but this story will go round and I'll be the loser again. Finally, I have really a lot of fights with my parents, to the point that I tell them I want to move and them telling me that the only things I do are for my own good. This really hurts me, and my parents aren't really communicative, while at the same time not wanting to change. I just want to be myself, and combining this with my bisexuality I am really feeling bad right now, to the point that I dont want to exist. Its not that I want to commit suicide at this moment, but I really feel fucked that there is no one who seems to just care about me, to treat me with respect and be nice to me, like not that i have to be nice before someone is nice to me. I know that that girl can do whatever she wants and she has all the freedom to do so, but we get along nicely on school and I can't think of some reason why she wouldn't even want to give me a chance, even not just to be nice, but I guess she'll have a reason then. This combined with I guess my best friend just acting like he doesn't care, saying "i wont see my girlfriend for 3 weeks" while at the same time he won't see me for 3 weeks, this makes me feel like trash. I know, he can do whatever he wants, but I opened up so much to him and made this clear, that I just think its unfair that he drops me like this, while we had fun just two days before. I feel like shit, and at this moment there is really nothing I live for. I wont commit suicide, but I really feel like trash, while there is just one thing that I want, and that is someone just loving me. Just someone talking to me because they care about who I am, not because I'm the only one they talk to. Just someone who thinks I'm special I'm nice, but well, I guess I just am not. I'm sorry for bothering you, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.
