So, I'm in my mid thirties. I have had relationships every now and then, and they were all good experiences, and now I've been single for three years or so. However, only a single one was really intense: one to a person who, on the gender spectrum, was basically the opposite version of me. While I was born with a male body and am ok with that, I still consider a part of my being as female. So, that person was the opposite: born with a female body but considering herself to a large part male. It might have been coincidence, but, as said, that was the most intense relationships of all. Every now and then I wonder, whether such a person would actually be the best possible partner. I mean, to some degree it makes sense, because then there is an understanding of how the other person feels. But, it seems basically impossible to find such a person. Sure, there are dating sites with a large list of genders and whatnot, but they work only so-so. But finding such a person in real life seems basically impossible. It's not something you can actually see. A woman who feels somewhat masculine is perfectly capable of living that way without anybody ever noticing. So... well, this is depressing. Most of the time I'm fine being single, because I've a large circle of friends who are very dear to me, and who keep me busy. But at times, there is just the moment when you feel lonely, when you come home after some event with friends, and realize it's just you in the empty flat, that nobody else it there, that in the end you are alone. I've had a couple of dates over the last couple of weeks, but they were all meh. It never really clicked, there was no chemistry. So... yeah... this hurts. :icon_sad:
It's possible that you may be right - someone else who has gone through a "similar but opposite" experience may in fact be the perfect partner for you. However, if you're idealizing a past relationship while struggling to form new ones, my inclination would be to suggest that you make sure you've really let go of that past relationship. Perhaps other people with different experiences would be able to relate just as well - maybe because they have some sort of analogous experience, or maybe they'd just be a really empathetic person, or willing to listen and respond to you. Also, perhaps it would help to be more active in local LGBT social events and groups - the more people you meet and who know your story, the more likely you'll find someone with whom you might be compatible. Overall, I'm glad that you had this relationship in your life, and undoubtedly it was a very positive and powerful experience for you. But hopefully you won't let it hold you back now that it's over, also.
