Told a guy I'd go out with him, but I think I'm a lesbian..

So long story (kind of) short, I've been questioning my sexuality for years and by a few months ago had started thinking I was bi with a strong preference for girls. Now I realize I'm probably a lesbian, but I was in denial then, because I didn't/don't have any sexual attraction to guys but I thought since I found some guys cute/adorable/other non-sexy adjectives, that I was still bi (I also thought that if I fell in love with a guy, then sexual attraction would develop). My straight friend was on ****** and it looked fun so I decided to go on it, too. Hardly any girls in my area.. damn. So I started looking at guys and came across this really adorable guy with curly hair and pretty eyes. We started talking and met up for a date-like thing once a few months ago, but it turned out that he was moving out of town soon afterward, so that was that. Now he's back in town and asked me to go out again. Having no idea what to say and not wanting to tell him I'm probably a lesbian, I said okay. Now I'm dreading it and thinking about how awkward and uncomfortable it will be. The first time was fine, even enjoyable, because we literally just sat around talking like friends. It wasn't actually very date-like, and no physical contact was involved at all. But a second date just seems awkward as hell. What do I do? I'm a damned foolish, almost certified lesbian who said yes to going out with a guy in two days and now it's too late to cancel without being a horrible person. To make matters more complicated, I've recently gone out a few times with this girl who I really like, and the difference between going out with her and going out with guys is plain as day. The awkwardness just isn't there, and I don't cringe if she makes a move to initiate physical contact.

What do I do? Go on the date, holding onto the idea that maybe if I get to know him more, I won't feel so uncomfortable and I might become attracted to him? Things are complicated when you think you're attracted to guys but it turns out you really just find some of their facial features cute or you like their personality. -.-

 

Holy shit. I just texted him like an hour ago and told him. We were supposed to go out tonight at 5:30. I am a terrible person. But maybe it's better than breaking it to him during the date. I am so filled with anxiety right now, I feel like vomiting. This is the first time I've ever done this.

 

Wow. That was the best possible outcome. I told him, he was cool about it, and we still went out, but not as a date, just as friends, and I had a really nice time. He's such a sweet, adorable guy. No wonder I liked him at first. I just wish I could be attracted to him beyond a "cute" kind of way because I think we'd be great together. God I'm so lonely.

 

I guess I do kind of like him in a romantic way, but anything sexual with guys really turns me off. Like I don't want to see a guy in a sexual context, you know? Even kissing one seems awkward. I don't know what this means for my sexuality. I have had some pretty big crushes on guys before, just in a completely non-sexual way.