I've been really struggling with my identity lately, and it's been taking a massive toll on my friendships for the last year or so I think. In short, I just don't know how to relax and just be myself around people. I can't even be myself around my family or close friends. Im usually lost for words and my minds blank for what to say. And when I do talk more, I say really dumb stuff ( like sarcastically insulting them too hard or being really creepy) and I just want to crawl into a corner and hide. I just can't relax and just let the words flow and act decently, either. Most of my friends are pretty introverted and don't talk too much, so I'm usually the one doing the most of the talking, but recently I've been struggling to do that, and now there's just too much awkward silence and I just feel horrible. I can honestly say that I only have one friend that I feel kind of comftable with, and at this point, she's basically my only friend cos every other friendship has become so awkward and uncomftable. There's been a few people who've made an effort to befriend me, but I acted like a creep and messed up badly with them. I'd really love to be friends with them, I think they're inspiring and amazing people. But honestly, I don't feel good enough for them. They're really good at socialising and all that, really involved in school, have lots of friends and are really confident. But I'm such a mess I can't even go to school full time, I have barely any friends, I suck at being social, talking, making friends, and I have nothing to say and don't know how to even talk. I know I'm being negative and putting myself down, but this is honestly how I see it, and it's true that they are just more successful at life than me. I just really really need some help with getting my shit together and being able to BE MYSELF finally cos I'm so sick of being awkward and not being able to JUST TALK like everyone else can just do so easily. I don't know how to do it, how to be myself and most of all ACT LIKE MYSELF. I know this is such a minor issue compared to other people's on EC, but this has been destroying me inside for so long and I've tried so hard to navigate this mountain on my own, but I really can't find a way over it. Having good friends is something I really need for support at this point in my life, so this is very important that I fix this problem. I'd really really appreciate anyone's input or advice on this. :icon_wink
