So, a couple of months ago, I saw several of my school friends for the last time as I took my last exams. Since then, I haven't spoken with any of them - I haven't tried to talk to them, and they haven't tried to contact me, either, however, they are all still in contact with one another. This might not sound so weird except that the exact same thing happened two years ago, when I left high school - I basically stopped speaking to my friends altogether (with the exception of one girl who I kept in contact with for a while and the occasional party invitation, but other than that, nothing). Whilst it is true that I was only ever actually close to very few people, wouldn't that make it even more weird that I can just distance myself like this with very little feeling about it? I'll be the first person to admit that I'm pretty anti-social and I don't really get close to people easily, but I realised the other day that maybe I find it a bit too easy to just let go of friendships? Seriously, there's this one girl who I went to high school with and we were friends for a good seven years, but when we went to different sixth forms our friendship basically broke off minus a couple of parties we saw each other at, and now we don't speak at all. It's not that I can't ever maintain friendships - I have online friends who I've known for a couple of years despite never having met them in person, and when a friend of mine went to a different high school than me, we stayed good friends for five years despite rarely seeing one another until we went to the same sixth form - but she's another person I don't really speak to anymore. Sorry for the long post, but I guess what I'm trying to say is: is it weird that I find it so easy to cut friends off? Am I, in some way, emotionally unavaliable? Because I don't really think about my "friends" much other than the occasional "I kind of miss them, they were nice". Thanks.
I can relate a little. I'm not anti-social( I was in High School but that's another matter) but as much as I sometimes crave interacting with others I also enjoy my privacy and solitude. So when I have this need to be social I love hanging with a friend but also just going out and having a conversation with a random stranger works. This coupled with my lack of focus I think is my issue. For me it's fine but to others it may come off as a little flakey, which is never my intention. In general I'd say it's easy for me to make friends but close friends for me are hard to come by. When I do meet someone like that I find myself wanting to be around them a lot though. I think it's normal also at different times in your life to grow apart from friends you've made, especially after high school. I'm not nearly as close with my friends from HS as I was then. In fact I rarely hear from them. Its a bit sad and I know part of it is my own fault. I could've put in more effort to keep up with them, but also it's because we're all doing different things in our lives. Right now I really only have one close friend I'm in constant contact with and sadly lately I think we've been drifting apart in some ways. I plan to move soon so it makes it more difficult. I've decided though when I make new friends from now on I'll try to be more attentive. Hopefully I can find more close friends, it's cool when you find someone who gets you, ya know. Personally I think how you maintain friendships is up to you. Some people are more loners and prefer their own company. Some need constant attention and don't like when their friends can't give them It. If it bothers you or you feel lonely then maybe it's something to worry about. I can't say if your emotional unavailable, or to the point of being abnormal. You and a professional of some sort could help to find that answer. Imo if your living life and your happy and secure it's all good. Plus you have so much time ahead of you to meet new people (if you want). I apologize if my response seems a little long and cluttered my brain is unfocused atm but I wanted to respond to your post.
Wow, sorry for replying so late! I've been really busy recently (I got a job, yay!), sorry about the delay. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm one of those people who runs fine on less interaction with people, I'm quite a loner so being by myself doesn't bother me, and when I do want to talk to somebody I generally just go to chat to my family. And same here! I don't really form close friendships very often, I guess I just have a hard time being close with people or something. I feel like I'm one of those people that you can talk to quite a lot and then realise later that you actually know very little about them. Maybe, at least. I hope you manage to stay in touch with your friend! And yeah, I know that friendships tend to break apart after high school and I knew it was normal at the time, it's just the fact that I've done the same thing two years later. And even though people also lose contact after Sixth Form, it's just that I've done it with no real thought that bothers me. I know it's at least partially my fault and I'm not trying to shift blame, I just don't know why I find it so easy. Even though I've never had many close friends, there were a few people there who I really liked, and I've just lost contact with them now that Sixth Form's over. Yeah, I'll probably try that too. I guess what I'm worried about is that I missed some crucial friend-making stage as a child and now I'll never form proper friendships or something - although when I was a child I was very similar to how I am now with friends: I had a couple of close ones, but never a big group, and I don't speak to them anymore, either. I suppose I'm just a little concerned that forming lasting relationships is going to be a problem for me. Again, I'm not trying to shift the blame here, but if months go by without seeing my friends and I don't feel the urge to contact any of them, then what does that say about me? Thanks for taking the time to reply.
No worries! Congrats on your new job!:eusa_clap Ya know what, it's funny to me when you say your someone you can talk to and not know much about. I feel that's true for me too. I've had a few people say I'm mysterious. I know I may come off as aloof at times but I'm not trying to be super secretive. I suppose there's aspects about myself and my life that I don't disclose to others but I think in most cases if someone were to ask I wouldn't hesitate to tell them. I do know I have problems with vulnerability. This makes it hard to get close to people in certain ways. Even with the few really close friends and family members I've had, I struggle with this. I don't think you've missed out on some childhood friend making lesson. It could very well just be your personality. I've been the same since I was a child as well. For most of the people I've called friend and have lost touch with I'm ok with it. I valued the time I shared with them and knowing their doing well is enough for me. There were a couple of best friends I had that I lost touch with (not by choice) that really affected me. Today I still wonder where they are or what they're up to but I'm not troubled by these thoughts either. Anyway point is your not alone in feeling this way. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone and develop a connection with them that'll be long lasting. Again G'luck with your job!
