Ladies, Gentleman, and everyone in between, we have a problem, and I need help

While I haven't been through a situation like this from reading I could offer this advice. Be sure if you are coming out to have a 99% will work backup plan. See if you have someone you could stay with, if not than a place you can go. Way the positives vs the negatives of coming out. Try to find out why you want to come out and see if you can do something to get that reason until you have a great backup plan or they have no legal authority over you. Like say you're lonely find friend a great trustworthy and open friend (s).

I hope this helps, but I would also PM an Advisor or someone on the list of the people on the welcome PM if you still have it if not, you can go find the list of current people on the FAQ, at the top of this page in tabs, question 18 down, What are Advisors?, and click on the link. I've already done this. It's private and they are helpful and I got a quick reply. I hope you the best of luck.

 

Oh, that's so scary. >.< I hope you'll be alright somehow~. (*hug*)

 

Couple thoughts.

A couple hundred bucks won't last long at all unless you have more coming in. I don't know what rent is out east, but I doubt you have enough for the first month rent plus the usual security deposit. You will need a job of some kind to be able to stand on your own.

The fake boyfriend might not be as solid as you think. If or when the topic is brought up, stick to your guns and redirect them to other topics. Like you want to focus on your grades or an extracurricular activity. From the sounds of it, they are probably religious enough to fall for the whole saving yourself for marriage thing. Babysit, not only does it provide a little income, it gets you out of the house.

Since you mentioned drama, just parrot them during political discussion. Not in a mocking tone, but just repeat enough to show them you agree and that is all. Play the role they want, in this case a villain, but your true identity is the real you.

Until you can support yourself, you unfortunately have to play by their rules. It sucks and it isn't easy, but just keep your head low and focus on your goals. Both short term and long term. Get thru a quarter, then a semester, then the year and so on. Talk to the people at the shelter and see if they have any suggestions, the internet is vast and you can find lots of solid advice and help.

Just hang in there, it will get better. It may take a little while, but it will get better.

 

Good luck. I'd advise against making homophobic remarks, as they might catch on and think you're trying to overcompensate, or worse, you might start taking the things you say to heart. Nothing comes out a person's mouth that wasn't in their head first, and putting a thought into words can make it more solid.

I think the fake boyfriend thing is a great idea, as long as he's in on it and you trust him. I used that strategy until I went away to college (with one slip up where I was trying to secretly date a girl and one of my teachers outed me to my homophobic/transphobic/abusive father). Getting physical with him or anything like that would be a bad idea, but if you guys hang out a lot, just get quiet and awkwardly look away when your parents pop in on y'all chilling together, and they'll probably assume you're dating.

Do you know if the parents of any of your friends are supportive and trustworthy (or any other trustworthy adults)? Not having supportive parents gets lonely, and having a mentor who can give you life advice about things you can't talk to your parents about is helpful. Back in middle school and high school, I'd stay with a particular friend whenever I ran away, and her parents understood my situation.

You have adulthood to look forward to; don't forget that. Once you're away from your parents, you can be whatever sort of person you want to be. (Sounds corny, but I'm happier living in the ghetto with a BS job than when I got three hots and a cot at my parents house. Choose your own goals, and let the bigotry bounce off and smack your parents back in the face.)

 

If you get punished for disagreeing with them while talking politics, I would avoid talking politics with them as much as possible. Just act like you don't have an opinion, don't know anything about a recent event, whatever. You're bound to disagree with them on more topics than just LGBT people - just avoid the whole mess as much as possible. If they question why you aren't following politics like you used to, tell them you have new interests now. Politics aren't "cool" and you're becoming a teenager; it wouldn't be weird at all for you to drop a focused interest in them at this point.

I'd say the same thing about the boyfriend and the homophobia. Just avoid the topics. Like Shorthaul said, you can always tell them you're saving yourself. I have an ultra-religious cousin who actually saved her first kiss for her wedding vows. You can talk a lot about how much you want to wait, how getting involved with someone now just leads to "temptation", etc etc.

(I can't believe your parents accused you at 11 of being gay. At 11, I couldn't have been less interested in anything sexual.)

Focus on getting out as soon as you legally can. I would try to save up money in cash somewhere they don't know about, so they can't take it from you/keep it. Also, try to connect with friends whose parents might take you in if your parents go berserk. Your parents might not force you to come home just to send you away again if you are staying with friends.

 

Oh my~. >.< If I were you, I'd just lie, lie, lie. They can't prove you're gay, right?

Good luck! I hope you'll be okay!

 

Revenge of the Sith, of course.

How many bonus points is that, and where can I redeem them?

 

Hey lovey -

First off, I want to say that I am so very, very sorry you're in a tough situation like this. I know how hard it was to be gay and in the closet as a terrified kid with no resources, and you have all my sympathy. I hope very much that everything straightens out in the end (with the exception of your sexuality, of course!).

All the ideas you've suggested sound good, but like others have said, I wouldn't necessarily put too much faith even in things like faking a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship - when the anti-gay crazies latch onto a conviction about someone being gay, it's pretty hard to get them to let go, no matter how hard you try. Fortunately, as long as you give your parents superficially what they want - to be a good, well-behaved little straight who at the very least doesn't militantly support gays or liberals, and this often means not talking about gays at all, in any sense - you can PROBABLY keep them mollified and avoid them taking serious actions such as sending you to a gay conversion camp or therapist. I wouldn't know exactly how your parents are, but my dad talked about disowning me if I was a lesbian back when I was learning to accept myself, and since then I've managed to keep him from doing anything drastic simply by clamming up and acting as straight as possible whenever the topic comes up.

At the moment, I agree with YuriBunny. It sounds like your mother is trying to get evidence from other adults confirming the fantasy she's built about you being an Evil Gay Convert, and if you can fake them out well enough, she'll be frustrated in that avenue at least. Probably your best option right now is to go along with her and see your pastor, and lie as well as you can, as onerous as this might end up being. Do your best to act sober, serious, and genuine. They're good at sniffing The Gay out since they want to believe it's there, so they might condemn you no matter how good a job you do, but if you calmly deny any questions about you being gay, there's a good chance they'll eventually give up.

On a bigger scale, man, your family sounds mental. You should definitely consider preparations to be as independent as possible, as early as possible. Sadly, easier said than done for someone your age, in your situation, but it's good that you're already counting your money and that you've got tabs on this shelter to help. I would absolutely get in contact with the folks who run the shelter and people like them and see what securities they can give you (aside from a place to sleep and all the basics), and ask them for advice too, should you need to run. At the moment I don't think you do have that need, and with any luck you wont need to run anytime soon either, but be prepared, just in case. Your family sounds volatile, so the more preparations and backups you have, the better.

It's probably a good idea to get in touch with your liberal friend too, and explain the situation to them and their family. The more adults you have who are on your side, who you can trust, the better off you'll be. Don't be afraid to tell school counsellors you think you can trust, too, if you are able to.

Once again, best of luck and I'm just so sorry to hear things are like this. It breaks my heart, hon, and if I were that family I'd help any way I could. Your parents are rubbish parents. Don't listen to the hurtful things they say, be brave and remember that you're great, and you'll get through this and eventually be incredibly happy, one way or another.