I've had a best friend for 10 years. Back when I was not out to anyone it made so sad that she, who I trust more than anyone and who knows me so well, did not know this huge part of me. It made me feel so ungrounded. I remember she was sleeping in my room when I woke up from dreaming I was kissing my first girl crush when I was ~14. And it was that dream that first started this all off. I was on a night out with her last year when I confined in a lesbian we met, and my friend asked then. But I said I didn't want to have that conversation drunk. I told her I felt like there was something wrong with me when I didn't like this guy I was seeing. At the beginning of this year I went on my first date with a girl and I told my friend over text whilst drunk that I was going. She wasnt that responsive but then she rang me right after the date to hear how it went. Which made me the happiest ever as I'd been so concerned with her opinion on me liking girls. I kept her in the loop about that girl, and another I met - both which didn't lead to anything. Ive drunkenly assured her how I've never liked any of our female friends. But now, I'm feeling more sure of myself. I'm seeing this friend a lot over summer currently. On several occasions I've brought up how I've been to pride, sometimes fairly out of the blue. Wanting to have the chat about it, but she swiftly changes the conversation and it hurts so much. We talk about her guy troubles, my past insignificant ones, she mentions hetero stuff, I say partner/someone, she keeps ignoring it. I have other friends who are careful to say girl/guy when they talk about my future and I appreciate it so so much. Yes I could bring it up but I'm so scared. Somehow its harder and more nerve wracking when its someone who knows you so well. Like I'm scared of the questions as I'll have no where to hide. What I'm most scared of is her/anyone asking who I like or have liked. I'm still too embarrassed to talk about it all like that. And its only really now that I'm letting myself be drawn to women when I've tried to ignore it forever. Sorry for the ramble, I'm just sad. What do you think?
That's really cool how she just continued to act normal for the most part. Good friend you got there!
