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My parents say they are accepting of me being gay, but they’re really not. How can I

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Throwaway2824, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. Throwaway2824

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    Just like the title says, I’m gay. I recently came out to both of my parents unintentionally and they ‘accept’ me. My father is making a big deal about how hard this ‘choice’ I'm making is and how much this is going to affect my life if I want to continue liking women. He’s adamant that I shouldn’t be a stereotype. My mother went ballistic at me this morning for being disconnected from the world and apparently this links back to me being obsessed with a friend that I have offered support to recently. My mother seems to want to find whatever fault she can and link it back to my sexuality. She is also critical of people being openly gay and wants me to remain in the closet for the rest of my high school career so I don’t get my younger sister bullied. She does not believe people would be accepting of me. Additionally, the friend I mentioned earlier is bisexual, and my mother thinks that all bisexuals have issues and are confused.

    I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. I know many young gay kids have it a lot worse, but after claiming to be completely liberal for many years, I can t understand why they would react so badly. They may just be acclimatising to the idea of their daughter being gay, but I have been the way I am for a long time now, and they need to move on.

    My mother also mentioned that I am selfish for wanting to be openly gay without thinking about the rest of the family and how it would affect them. Is this true? Am I selfish?

    In need of guidance. Thanks for any responses.
     
  2. Stewie

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    Re: My parents say they are accepting of me being gay, but they’re really not. How ca

    This sounds like a familiar story, people claim acceptance then in the next breath say or do something completely the opposite, I actually started a thread about it a few weeks ago.
    I would say your parents need more time to get used to the idea of having a gay daughter, maybe enlighten then a bit, find some online info(it's everywhere) for them to read, they do sound a bit ignorant of the whole LGBT community.

    Your not being selfish in anyway she is the one being selfish, and it honestly has nothing to do with them, and the fact there even worried about themselves and how people will react to them because of you coming out is kind of absurd... If anything you should be mad at them for worrying more about "there" reputation and how others will perceive "them" rather then what's happening to you and how your doing, how others will treat you. (&&&)
     
    #2 Stewie, Aug 12, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2016
  3. mvp 447

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    Re: My parents say they are accepting of me being gay, but they’re really not. How ca

    You are NOT being selfish; your parents are. At the same time, they need time to adjust to this new information. In the most generous light, they might just be worried about the discrimination and bigotry you might face in your future. I think the most helpful things will be time and open, honest communication. Let them know why their statements hurt you, and why you are making the choices you are (about coming out, etc.) I would also suggest to them that they join a support group or talk to a therapist, read a book- anything to help them better understand the realities of homo and bisexuality. It sounds like they are fairly ignorant, if they think bisexuals are just confused.
     
  4. Mattjstead

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    Re: My parents say they are accepting of me being gay, but they’re really not. How ca

    First,
    give it some time. Let things cool down. I do not advocate "isolating", but set a date (3-5 days at most), and begin being you (what ever your normal is. Not what they want your normal, just what you want to do).

    Second,
    just remember...As many times over and over we have all heard it, it is not a "choice."
    Did you wake up and go, "OH! Well...Golly jee! I would rather like *insert same sex*! I want to be a part of minority. I want to possibly be judged or harrassed. ... ." Of course not!
    Don't let that wording get in your head. I did and it took me until I was 27 (heck, one week ago) to finally say, "Darn it... No.. This IS who I am." And I was lucky to have a supportive wife/mother and father in law/ friends/ etc.

    Support there at home or not... you have support. Right .. HERE.
    Deep, DEEP down you know you did the right thing, and just know that words can hurt... hurt like hell. But, words are also very easy to throw out. Actions will come, and you can judge and feel the waters.

    It is a changing age...Just like you hoped they would accept you or what ever your "best scenario"...give them the same respect that in time things can get better and the flames will slow down.

    Keep your head up.
    Always here.
    Peace and Love

    MJay
     
    #4 Mattjstead, Aug 14, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2016