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Getting over sexual urges with a friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bubbles123, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    My best friend and I had a relationship before but it ended because I found I wasn't ready emotionally like she was. It was a bumpy road, and things have gotten better, but we had gotten physical quite a bit when we hung out. I hate that I'm like this but I'm having a hard time getting over the sexual stuff in my head. I've stopped fantasizing about it as much but whenever we have sleepovers or just hang out, I get urges again and we've had trouble with that in the past, falling into old patterns even after the relationship ended. I don't want to fuck things up, especially since she's ready to move in, and I feel like an ass every time we sit together on the couch to watch a movie or something and I start thinking like our physical relationship is still a reality. Any tips on how to move on and stop thinking like that so we can have a normal friendship again? I really don't want to screw things up and go back to our old ways. Thank you.
     
  2. Snoww

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    If it's possible, try spending some time without her company or at least avoid those kind of situations where you feel those urges. Avoiding the triggers is a beginning and I think you could move on if you don't meet up for at least a month ( or even less ).

    Hope this helped c:
     
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Yeah, we actually just did that and I think it helped a bit, but I'm still having a hard time with that, which I discovered the last time we hung out and I slept over. I didn't give in and do anything I would have normally done, yet I started thinking I wouldn't refuse at all if she wanted to do stuff, despite the fact that she'd expressed she really didn't want to get into those old patterns and I thought I'd built up more will power and decided I would refuse if a situation like that occurred.
     
  4. Snoww

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    Maybe you could try finding another partner or releasing those sexual urges through other methods. Do you know why you are feeling those urges? Is it because you feel lonely or you don't like to be single?
     
  5. WhiteShadows

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    I think the only way to get over that is either with distance or to find someone else :frowning2:
    I feel for you, I've been there with my best friend. I promise you it will get better.
     
  6. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Maybe it's from loneliness, like it makes me feel closer to her, but also because of sex drive I guess, and she's not only the first person I've done those things with, but the only person ever I've really felt strong sexual attraction for. Also, we never quite went all the way and I keep imagining things we never tried or things I'd want to try with her again if she wanted. And I also kind of worry like I'll never get to do that again because I never get crushes and rarely feel sexual towards anyone. I know this all sounds kind of selfish, and I wish I wasn't thinking like that but anyway those are all the things I think are contributing to my feelings.

    ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2016 at 08:31 PM ----------

    Thanks<3
     
  7. Snoww

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    I understand, I've been through that too. Questioning what you're doing helps. If it ever happens again just ask yourself why and if it will benefit your partner too. If not, don't do it. You probably won't be able to question your actions in the heat of the moment but think about it before you meet again.
     
  8. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Thanks for the kind advice guys<3