HELP ME!! I want to remain Monogamous...

Perhaps think carefully about what a monogamous relationship means to you and how fidelity is an important factor in it. Especially in a long distance relationship, it is a demonstration of trust.

The practical advice I can give is to avoid situations that tempts you. Don't think that flirting is fine, as it can easily tempt you. Don't put yourself in a situation where you'd be alone with someone you find attractive. Don't use aps or hook up sites even just to look.

Finally, if you really are tempted, think about how great your boyfriend is and how hurt he would be if he knew that you'd cheated.

Of course all of this is under the assumption that you feel your boyfriend is worth the long distance relationship and the difficulties that come with it. Also, 6-7 hours is far but not too far. Try to see each other more often or make one stay longer

 

I agree with a lot of what the others are saying in their responses but I also think that if you are thinking about it then sooner or later, you will do it and then afterwards the regret will set in. The best thing that I think in this situation will be for you to contact your boyfriend ASAP and have an honest talk with him about your feelings as you are having on the forum and then you two can decide if you want to continue with what you have or established an open relationship if he is willing to do so depending how much he really wants to be with you. I'm not sure he will...but stranger things have happen. Then again, if I were in your situation, I would break off that relationship after I have an honest talk with him and stay single and date for awhile until you get all the lusting out of your system. Like you've mentioned...this is all new to you. Its just like when I first embraced the fact of being gay and there was this guy whom I've had sex with a few times who wanted to have a serious relationship with me. I declined because I wanted to experience with other guys due to all of the attention I was getting at that time which is something most newly accepting gay men do before settling down in a relationship. In other words, you have some things to really think about because you really do not want to do anything to hurt your boyfriend. Good Luck!!!

 

So...SassyLad...If I can be honest as well...now that you've shared a LOT more of your situation, I see soooo many RED FLAGS!!!!! within your relationship. For me and this is just my opinion...I had started dating this guy awhile back and when we got to finally having sex...this guy revealed many things that he will not do sexually but wanted me to satisfy him to the fullest. I immediately got up ...put on my clothes and told him that I do not want to have anything on an intimate level with him anymore...just a platonic relationship would be fine with me and if he did not want that..SEE YA!!!!!..I just feel that if we are into each other equally, then equally satisfying your partner should not be an issue, it should be willing amongst both parties unless this is something that the two of you had discussed prior to going further within pursuing a relationship.

Also, I could be wrong with what I am about to say...but here it goes...Although you may have feelings for your boyfriend...but I tend to fill that those feelings you have may be subjected to some kind of obligation due to the fact that he is your first boyfriend and the first guy that you have had any sexual encounter with. The reason I came to this conclusion is many things that you've mentioned in regard to the sexual aspect of your relationship. It seems that you are being short handed and not being sexually satisfied or fulfilled as you will like to be. Furthermore, I tend to believe that you have feelings of possibly guilt or maybe fear in telling him that you want to end the relationship that assumption also came from what you've mentioned as well. The problem with that is from what I can foresee, more than likely from the status of this relationship and the long distance, you will mess around on this guy if for nothing else, sexual satisfaction and the need to explore and see what else can be offered sexually for your fulfillment that you are not getting from your boyfriend.

With all being said..I see a lot of confusion with your decisions on what you want to do as to what you should do when it comes to this relationship and your needs to be taken care of sexually. As I mentioned in my previous response and now...I really stand by what I said in regards to you being single and free to experiment with other guys. Lastly, you need to put on your big girl panties and have that talk with your boyfriend and not be concerned with whether he gets upset or not liking why you are ending the relationship because in my opinion..you have justifiable causes to end it. I think in the long run, its best that you tell him whats in your heart than for him to find out that you went behind his back and did it anyway especially if he's being suspicious as you've mentioned which by the way is another red flag for me because it also tells me that he is aware of a lot of issues within the relationship as you are. Ok...one more thing...and if you don't like what I am about to say...Sorry...but I got to say it like I mean it..!!! With all that you've mentioned about your boyfriend...now..this is just my opinion and I could be wrong but don't be surprised if he is messing around with someone already. Many times I come to find when someone like him get suspicious and concerns about the relationship especially a long distance one ... more than likely...they are doing the exact same thing that you may be thinking of doing especially with the fact of knowing that he is not being equal sexually within the relationship as you are...this does cause concern to what you are doing and he is not near you to see firsthand. At the end of the day...you have to do what is going to make you happy...not HIM!!!!...Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!:smilewave

 

As a self-proclaimed I-will-wait-for-the-right-guy-and-lose-my-virgin-flower-and-stay-committed-for-life-like-b***dy-freaking-snow-white-or-something I can say that either you should decide to be in a relationship and monogamous OR in a relationship and be open to experimentation OR not in a relationship and experiment-your-ass-off. Pardon my...ahem.

But if you're significant other is a tad possessive, I'd suggest you take a break from relationships and experiment. That way you are still true to yourself (Try to think of it as being monogamous only when in a relationship and not while experimenting)

 

Not going to add to the good advice you have already received, but I did want to pick up on this point from your original post:

According to your profile, you are based in Pakistan - a great country, but one that is hardly renowned as a safe and tolerant haven for gay men. If you did break up with your boyfriend to pursue more casual sexual encounters with other guys in your city, are you sure you could do so with any degree of certainty about your safety? Sex is great, but only if it is safe (in every respect). You will forgive me for saying that you don't seem terribly experienced in these matters and that gives me cause for concern. Think about it very carefully.