Having trouble meeting new people and making new friends

Hey all. I'm a newbie here, but I was hoping someone out there would be able to help me through this rough patch.

I lost a good friend of mine because he wanted me to come out but I decided it wasn't the right time. That happened months ago, but I've been feeling really alone since then.

It's sad to say, but I don't have very many friends. The few I have tend to ignore me from time to time or cancel on me when we agree to meet up.

Since that incident with my former friend earlier this year, I've really had a hard time picking up the pieces.

I tried dating again, but I've had no luck. I went on one date and the guy sorta ghosted on me.

I went to see a therapist and joined a group for gay guys in their 20s, but that didn't work out.

I've looked into ways to meet people before and after what happened, but you hear the same old things: take a class, volunteer, pick up a sport, get a dog, join meetup.com, get a part-time job, join a club, etc. A lot of that wouldn't work out for me or hasn't.

I've looked for months for clubs, volunteer opportunities and Meetup groups, but I haven't had any luck. I tried some meetups and I didn't click with people. My parents won't let me get a dog. (I still live with them.) I tried a part-time job and didn't connect with anyone either. I'm a scrawny klutz, so sports were out from the get go.

So I'm really stuck. I feel all alone, but I can't seem to crack what would make it possible for me to connect with others. :bang:

Perhaps I'm the problem. I feel like I don't know myself, which may be why I'm having trouble finding groups and activities. I also loaded myself with a bunch of work, which leaves no time for connecting with others and myself.

This is a bit of a tricky one, but if anyone has some advice on how to connect with others and get over losing my friend that would be awesome sauce.

 

Thanks for that, Sydney9teen88. It really is hard to reach out to people after all I've been through. I've mostly withdrawn from the handful of friends I have because it was getting too hard to deal with being ignored or to have them decide not to show up after agreeing to earlier.

It just seemed like all those relationships were unhealthy. I'd go out of my way for them, but they wouldn't do the same for me. They just left me feeling more lonely and terrible about myself.

Anyway, I've been trying to take time out to really know myself like you said. I think that since I don't know who I am exactly, it's hard to find activities I like so that way I could meet people.

Also, if I can't really determine who I am, how are other people supposed to? And if other people can't do that and don't know what I like and what my interests are, how are they supposed to connect with me?

From what I've found so far, I'm dreadfully boring and I have interests that don't make it easy to connect with other people. I feel like to be able to get more people in my life, I have to turn into something I'm not. I just can't tell if that something is good, like a better version of myself, or bad, like forcing myself to conform to what other people want me to be just for the sake of having more people in my life.

How'd I even make those changes to begin with? There's no time and I don't have any support. I wouldn't know where to start. It seems impossible to me.

And that "friend" of mine, yeah, I don't get it either. We were really good friends. We were super supportive of each other, got along well, and then out of the blue, he pulled that stunt. I completely forgave him, too. I called him later thinking he wasn't really serious, but it was clear he didn't want to have anything to do with me. But am I really better off without him, though? I feel like more of a mess than ever and very alone. I think he threw me into a tailspin that I can't get out of.

 

A part of me feels like he might've meant well too, faustian1, but another part of me feels that he was just fed up with me and was trying to destroy me as best as he could.

He didn't seem to like the fact that my family is very religious. I suppose he felt that was the reason why I didn't want to come out. I actually have no problems with my faith and being gay. I just don't see a point to coming out.

I'm not in a relationship right now, and I don't see how coming out would benefit me or anyone else at the moment. My parents might not take it well and I don't see a need or point to put them through that or deal with it now. When I'm in a relationship and have someone supporting me, then I feel like that would be more of the right time.

I think I'd say that I'm an introvert, but I don't think I have social anxiety. (I could be wrong.) I'll definitely give you socially challenged, though. I just don't know what to say to people or I don't talk to people unless I absolutely have to or unless it's expected.

People tend to like me when they speak with me, though, but rarely ever enough to get to the point where we could consider each other friends. I'm not terribly difficult to talk to, too. I just rarely get to meet new people and get opportunities to speak with them.

The group wasn't really the best fit for me. I suppose I felt like I didn't have much to contribute. And again, I didn't have anything to say to the guys there. I'm the worst at small talk.

I didn't bother going to other meetings because after that guy ghosted me after a single date, I felt super down. It felt like everyone was abandoning me, so I decided to take some time to myself to really figure out what's wrong with me and why I'm struggling to connect with people.

In addition to not knowing myself, as I mentioned earlier, it didn't seem to me that I really like myself either. I feel like I'm too skinny. Although people say I'm attractive, I see a bunch of flaws when I look in the mirror. I almost wanted to become someone else at one point. Take all that with not having many opportunities to meet people and not knowing what to say to people, you have a recipe for disaster.

Communicating with other guys is a tricky one. The date went very well. I was able to keep the conversation going, but speaking other random guys, straight guys, things fizzle out fairly quickly. It's just like there's no connection there. Maybe it just because I don't know what to say really. I find it's far easier to talk to women.

Oh, I know it's going to take work and there's no magic formula. And I did take a peek at some of the other posts on this site, too. I'm just a bit stuck as to what to do next.

 

I'm going to keep at it, White Shadows. I'm just in a rut because I don't know where to meet people, I don't have the time and I'm a bit dull, to be honest.

I came across one LGBT-related group I thought I should at least check out once, though. I might give them a shot.