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Boyfriend issues

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AlexGreen242, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. AlexGreen242

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    Okay, so I'm having a problem in which my boyfriend has recently gotten upset with him for always having him make the decisions in our relationship so recently I've started to make more, and this week I was supposed to see him Tuesday, but he called my Monday night and asked me if it was okay if he worked at his second job on Tuesday and saw me Wednesday instead, so I said yeah that's fine, and then he called me again and asked if it was okay if I saw him Thursday instead of Wednesday so he could work another shift, and I said okay yeah sure but then he told me last night that he had forgot that his friend Jordan had invited him to a play or something like that for her birthday, and it's on Thursday so he asked me if it was okay and to be honest with him and I said no, he's switched the plan on me twice now and it was his fault for not remembering about being invited. So he told me to make the decision about weather or not he would go with her to the play and I'm super upset because he always puts my in situations like this, like if I say yeah sure go I'll be upset because I really want to see him, but if I say no I'm the asshole who won't let him see his friends and I just am tired of him putting me in situations like that, and it would be different if this weren't the 3rd time he's tried to change something on me and I told him no. So my question here do you think I'm wrong for being upset about this?
     
  2. tyro

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    I think you definitely have a right to be upset but that's something I would forgive him for fairly quickly.
     
  3. AlmostBlue

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    That's incredibly irritating. Tell him that it's not about Thursday, it's about the fact that he keeps on changing plans for the sake of his convenience. He needs to respect your time and energy more and make mindful decisions, and not keep on changing plans. Don't let him make this about this single incident or Thursday itself. Making you decide like that is so immature I am upset for you. haha
     
  4. resu

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    I didn't want to start out nitpicking, but please try to break up your thoughts into sentences, not long run-ons, so they aren't confusing.

    You have a right to be upset that your boyfriend feels it's okay to always disappoint you rather than his friends. A romantic relationship requires some commitment and compromise beyond just being "friends with benefits".

    Recently, I was reading an article about "flaky gay men", which seems to describe your situation. It sounds like your boyfriend is stretching himself too thin trying to promise many things to many people, and he is not making your relationship a priority.

    Two of the main pieces of advice for your situation from the article are "Force Them to Make Specific Plans" and "Don't Accept Being Repeatedly Stood Up". So, you should make him agree to a firm day and time, and you should hold him accountable for effectively lying about when he said he was free. We all have 24 hours in our days, and we all have a choice on how we spend our time. Those who promise to spend time but constantly break their promises are unreliable, and it then becomes your choice whether you associate with them or not.
     
  5. JonSomebody

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    I agree with a lot that was mentioned by Almost Blue and Resu in their their responses to your initial thread. I had a boyfriend who did that to me. At first, I tried to be understanding until it started to be a habit. I even had another conversation with him about setting firm dates with me especially since he was the one who would initiate us getting together on specific days. To say the least, he continued with this issue and therefore, I started making myself unavailable to him altogether which made him really upset. I did not start doing my own thing to make him upset, I did it because I got tired of putting myself out or cancelling out my plans by making him my priority when he was not doing the same for me. There were even one time when he stood me up and when I went out with a few of my friends to one of the local clubs, he was there with his buddy as well without even giving me a phone call and that was I needed to see to give me the go ahead and do my thing. Perhaps, you should do the same if he doesn't come around if you feel the need to speak up about this issue to him again.