Dealing with rejection from my colleague...

I know it can be embarrassing but maybe you can try to get over that by respecting your colleague's friendly reaction. He's doing everything to make it not an issue, and it is you at the moment who is making this into an issue, and that's a pity. If he's a great person to have as a friend, you are missing that opportunity as well. Don't let a momentary embarrassing moment affect your life too much. Honestly, these things happen all the time and I feel it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's great that you communicated your thoughts and that will one day get you far. So try to reinterpret the event, and respect your colleague's behavior, and try to be friends!

 

This doesn't seem like an issue at all? He was cool with it so you should be too.

 

It would help me if you could answer this: Do you really have "no interest in being (his) friend?" I ask this, because you wrote both that you did, and did not.

If so, then I wouldn't write that note in any case.

If you wouldn't mind being his friend, other than being very embarrassed, you might be passing up a unique opportunity to be less alone at work.

From what you described, he is if anything doing the opposite of avoiding you after you told him that. It could be that your statement to him was quite the blessing in disguise. I think that you should try very hard to accept that he has said "no thanks" to a romantic type of relationship, but that he likes you as a coworker. I know this disappoints you, but it is not a bad "consolation prize," is it?

You can't put this back in the bottle, so the easiest thing to do is say, "I've been a bit nervous and embarrassed because I asked you out the other day, but thanks for being understanding and being accepting of me. It's nice to make a new friend." Then accept those lunch invitations and answer his questions. You wrote that he's shy and quiet. He's probably wanting friends too.

Your big challenge is developing realistic expectations for these interactions. It may be worth the effort, if you don't have to throw out a rare opportunity to connect with another accepting person.

You've accidentally found someone who accepts you. Perhaps he knows more about you than you like, but then quite by accident that's possibly good news, too.

 

You so did the right thing in my opinion and I admire you for that. So many people hold in that initial impulse to communicate and tell their feelings to a crush and the result of suppressing that is a lot of misguided energy, unrequited feelings and basically living 'inside your head' what should be transpiring on the outside. You did the right thing so don't be shy or shamed by it. Feel good about it and yourself! You did what most people are too afraid to do. You should be proud of that

 

Interesting post, thank you!!

 

fish,

I've had and have some pretty hot friends. By that I mean they are so blindingly beautiful and I feel such ravishing lust for them that I get light-headed at the sight of them. Even watching them peel their shirt off and seeing those perfectly formed abs they look more like a supernatural being of light than just a man. (I swear to god some people could light a pitch-black room just by taking their shirt off)

I'm not sure how it works for you, but for me, I would dive right in and be his friend. For me, interacting as purely friends is the quickest cure for crushing this hard. I put it in the back of my mind and pretty soon it stays there, and then enough time goes by and as long as the context of our friendships stays as friends ...I stop thinking of them of them like that unless sometimes if their personality is right and they are a good friend I might joke with them from time to time and playfully flirt.

So if he accepts you, then why not accept him..and respect that. He might be a great friend, don't waste the time you have.

And who knows? I don't want to give you more than a micro-ounce of hope, but just because he says he's not, doesn't always mean he's not, maybe he just needs to feel more comfortable around you before he'll say anything. But of course, if that small hope is the only value you see in being friends with him then you shouldn't go for it.

Oh yeah and go out to lunch with him and when you do, you should apologize and be truthful. Tell him you felt a little awkward, weird, embarassed - whatever is most comfortable for you to say - and then say you're better now. Then move on to the next subject and forget it.

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