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Did my boyfriend cheat?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by codysmith, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. codysmith

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    My boyfriend (let's call him John) became friends with this one gay guy who has a boyfriend. He told me about the friendship and said that the guy (let's call him Bob) wanted to go on a double date with us. I was fine with the friendship because I know my boyfriend loves me and the other guy was taken. But yesterday Bob was saying that my boyfriend's stories of what me and him do turns him on and that he's cute and not ugly like my boyfriend thinks. John told me and played along because he thought it was funny and so did I. But later on I started thinking. I didn't like what Bob was saying so I told John I wasn't comfortable with what Bob said. He understood and said he would stop talking to him if I wanted. But I don't like being jealous or controlling cuz it's ruined past relationships so I said I just wasn't comfortable with how they were talking and he re assured me that if Bob ever tried to make a move he would pull away and tell me immediately. I wish j told him to stop talking to Bob...
    So this morning he told me that Bob asked John if they could hang out and Bob said e wanted to hook up. John thought he was joking because they both have boyfriends so he went because they're friends. But Bob kissed him, John didn't realize what was happening because he was in shock but the second he realized he pushed Bob off and went home. He cut off all communication with Bob and told me about what happened. My problem is idk if I should forgive him or not. He's always been good to me and he didn't initiate it and apologized for everything I just dint know what to do. I've always trusted him and he did exactly what he said he would do if that ever happened but I just don't know what to Do
     
  2. robclem21

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    I dont know if there is anything to even forgive him for. His actions don't seem malicious towards you. He stopped and pulled away. You can never fully control what someone else does, but he seemed to have a good reaction to the situation and told you everything right away.

    You have every reason to be upset, but you have no reason not to trust him. That said, I would now (if not obvious) request he stop talking to this friend.
     
  3. CameOutSwinging

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    Completely agree. Your boyfriend did nothing wrong and responded exactly as he promised he would if Bob ever made a move. You shouldn't be mad at him at all.
     
  4. Anthemic

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    I don't think your boyfriend did anything wrong. The fact that he cut off all communication with the other guy shows his loyalty to you. Being kissed is not the same as kissing back. You need to trust your boyfriend. He offered the idea of cutting off all communication in order for you to feel more comfortable. That's pretty sweet, if you ask me.
     
  5. ouji

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    Exactly what everyone else said. Your boyfriend did nothing wrong.
     
  6. codysmith

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    Thank you guys for all the responses. I was in a difficult situation and didn't know how to handle it and you guys helped.
     
  7. JonSomebody

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    The only thing that I would suggest that you have a conversation with your boyfriend in regards to sharing intimate details of your relationship with others. There are some people who seem to not mind this but I do have a problem with it. An old boyfriend of mine was sharing intimate details of our sex life with his friends without me knowing. The way I found out was when one of his sisters approached me about what was being said and to make matters worst, I overheard him telling a couple of his friends what we did the night before. I did confront him later on about how I am not comfortable with him sharing such personal details with his friends because I was taught to never indulge this information especially to your friends because a lot of times, these friends are just taking mental notes of what you are sharing in order for them to make a move on whom you are speaking of. My boyfriend laughed at the time I told him this and was very adamant that his friends did not want me that way and would never make a move on me. Well...lo and behold...one day we had an argument and he ran over to his mom's house in a rage. All of a sudden, I started receiving phone calls from nearly all of his friends. It seemed that they were under the impression that we had broken up and every one of them wanted to come and keep me company. However, my boyfriend did come back later on that night and we made up. To our surprise, one of his friends came over looking for me with a bottle of wine and some really tight jeans on. When he saw my boyfriend come out from the bedroom...the look on his face was priceless..haha.. This is when my boyfriend took in consideration what I had told him earlier about sharing intimate details and after that incident...he stopped sharing.
     
  8. WhiteShadows

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    imo He definitely didn't cheat.
     
  9. resu

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    I think you initially sensed Bob was more serious about his interest than he let on, but your boyfriend didn't pick up on that until things got very awkward (the kiss). So, I do think you feel he should have been more cautious and wasn't. However, what is done is done, and your boyfriend did all the right things, so calling this cheating is probably too much. Cheating comes from dishonesty, and it is great to see both of you talk honestly to each other (e.g. your unease with Bob and your boyfriend admitting to the kiss).

    I think a bigger consideration is insecurity. You mentioned being jealous in the past and "he's cute not ugly like my boyfriend thinks". Does that mean your boyfriend has a low self-image? If so, your fear may be that he attracts attention from shallow guys like Bob, and so he will be tempted to cheat. As others mentioned, you can't control him or anyone else completely. Yes, he may get tempted again, but hopefully he will not agree to hang out alone with someone who is hitting on him. That requires him being aware he gets attention because of his looks.

    Conversely, you can control your own behavior. You felt unease about Bob, and you were right. However, you may not always be right, so it is important to just tell your boyfriend what concerns you and then let the ball be in his court. Maybe your insecurity comes from feeling "he could find someone better", which is another way of saying "I am not good enough". Remember, your boyfriend chose you. He chose to cut off contact with Bob after his mistake AND admit he was mistaken. It will take time for you to reduce the worry about cheating, but it will make you a better partner in the long run.
     
  10. HuskyLover

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    He did not cheat. There's nothing to forgive him for (as many others already stated).