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What should I do next...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Guff, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. Guff

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    Hi, I'm Guff.
    Here's a little bit about where I am, I'm a secretly gay guy who's homeschooled by his homophobic family and is only allowed to socialize with other homohatin' people. I play on a religious homeschoolers soccer team and the people are starting to ruin the sport for me.

    I enjoy soccer, It's pretty fun. The team I'm on is the only (remotely competitive) team I can play on without attending a real school. (Not to mention, the coach is the father of yours truly ;D so I'd have to stick loyal to this team)
    Well we were out eatin' dinner as a team after a game, I as usually silently sat there as my loud gross teammates shot spitballs across the table and talked about girls and rubiks cubes. Both of which are not conservations I can't really take part in. LOL
    So I don't truly remember how the topic of shaved legs came up, but somehow it did. It was quickly ended with "only gay guys shave their legs" which turned into 'bout how gay guys gotta have a bullet put in them, Y'know the norm, humorous talk about homo massacre. And I finally realized, I just hate being on this team. They fill me with so much over crap they dunno about, and are rude to me in general. Bein' the coaches kid I do take some heat about if I even deserve my playing time. (I know damn well I earn every minute I play, but that doesn't stop others from writting it off as that) and it came down to 1 guy, yellin' with his loud mouth in front everyone in-game how I can't keep up with the other team. It was just embarrassing, grant it nobody cares what he says, it still hurt. Would it be stupid to quit a sport I've played since I was 6 just because my teammates are morons?
     
  2. EmH25

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    No its not stupid....it's only upsetting u
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    Jeez,
    Sounds like you really enjoy the sport, just not the attitude of the team. That sucks! Especially these days. You shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of issue. Religion adds another layer of potential prejudice to issue of homosexuality. (If you have a private internet connection – i.e. one not likely to be monitored by family members, you may want to check out the “Not All Like That” Christians Project website (Google it) for an LGBTQ view of Christianity to support you in the long-run and the Coming Out videos on YouTube for a perspective (I know of a number of them that deal with Coming Out to very religious family members.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should Come Out now. ONLY you can decide that and only if/when you feel comfortable doing so. I’m just trying to give you some background and perspective on what looks like a decision you are looking to make.

    But are you crossing lines with being angry about sportsmanship and expectations on the field with insults to your sexual preference? Bottom line to me would be: do I still enjoy playing the game? If not, quit. If so, are there elements with my team or on the field that make playing less enjoyable? If so, then, maybe address those issues to the best of your ability.

    Beyond that, are you comfortable with your homosexuality personally? I think that is the most important thing to start with. You obviously live in a fairly close-minded community, but people can surprise you. It may be better that you stay closeted (I did for 24 years of military service), or, if you decide to open up with your ‘rage’ about the constant homophobic comments and come out, that is entirely your decision. More power to you either way.

    As the Coaches’ kid, you have some responsibilities, but you also have more inherent power/authority. If you Come Out, that could have a lot of impact on other LGBTQ kids around you who are on-the-fence or who are hiding the same secret. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not urging you to Come Out at other than your own pace, I’m just saying that you are in a unique place to positively influence others.

    I also think you hit the nail on the head about your teammates’ ignorance about LGBTQ people. They just don’t know what they don’t know. Who you are attracted to is not a choice. I used to make Polish jokes about my Polish aunt, but I never intended them to be personal. When she objected once about the jokes being personal because of her Polish heritage, I immediately stopped making them. You might be surprised (and hopefully you will) about how understanding many people are once they realize that they have a real-live person and someone they at least know well, if not an actual friend in their very midst who represents a minority that they have ignorantly and mindlessly been joking about for years.

    There is a great video on YouTube where a guy Comes Out to his brother and the brother basically says “Oh my God!” Pause. “I’m SO sorry!” Bigger pause, during which the gay brother is thinking ‘This is really going bad.’ And then the brother says “Dude, when I told all those gay jokes, I NEVER meant to hurt YOU!” At which point everything was o.k. again.

    In my experience, it’s guys that are least comfortable with their own sexuality, be it straight, bi, homosexual, etc that tend to make the worst homophobic jokes and cast the most aspersions. Because, face it, we know that our sexual preference is part of who we are born to be and it isn’t a choice. But these guys often still haven’t come to terms with their own sexuality and it makes them nervous to think that they might be other than heterosexual – even if that is what they end deciding is most comfortable for them. But being other than heterosexual is still a challenge in our society and, for the life of me, I can’t understand why anyone would think that we CHOOSE to ‘different or ‘outcast’ from ‘normal’ society. It’s clearly NOT a choice. And we are normal – God made us this way - just not yet (hopefully) from the viewpoint of mainstream society.

    You have honest friends here. Stay strong and keep us updated.

    P.S. I love your bowtie reference. I neighbor friend of mine coaches High School and younger basketball players and he has made the bowtie his signature. Cool!
     
  4. Guff

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    I firstly want to thank you for responding in a way I think was very helpful! Coming out isn't an option for me until I'm older, It's the kinda team I'd honestly get kicked off of just for bein' gay. And I know with some fairly high certainty coming out isn't goin' to make anyone "nicer". Once a guy on our team did his hair really fanciful to practice, which quickly started the wtf is he gay rumour. Which a group of about 6-8 of my teammates heard secondhand and thought it was "He IS gay" not "He's acting gay" and they immediately started talking about how they're going to complain to the program. >_>

    ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2016 at 06:31 AM ----------

    All I keep thinkin' it comes down too is this, imagine a game of chess. I love chess, but there's some people I'd rather not play chess at all than play with. In this instance soccer is what I like to do, but I'm surrounded by people I don't wanna hang out with, let alone be on a team with.

    I think after the season I'll quit, It's really just more annoying than fun nowadays.
    Hopefully my dad takes me quitting his team well... LOL
     
  5. Quantumreality

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    Good luck and more power to you! Remember, you can always vent, ask and discuss your issues with people who won't judge you for being who you are here on EC!:slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2016 at 12:09 PM ----------

    One more thought. I don't know how strongly your dad pressured you to join the soccer team in the first place, if at all, but if you go ahead and quit the team, you can probably explain that you don't find it fun anymore. You might also mention that part of that is how uncomfortable you feel with the pressures associated with being the Coach's son. It might be a good idea to look for a replacement sport or activity in advance.
     
  6. Guff

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    I actually joined this high school team 2 years before I was a high schooler, I REALLY didn't want to be the small young guy. My parents pretty much forced me to join when I made the team, it was extremely painful. No 12 year old should have to go up against a 19 year old in practice for a contact sport. >_>
    But now I actually do want to be on this team in a sense I want to play at the highest level of play I can. To tell him I dislike soccer would be a lie, To say I just hate the people to much I imagine would be him tellin' me to man up.
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    Well, personally, I hate lying. But when you are hiding something (as you have to), telling part of the truth is usually the next best option, to me anyway. So you clearly still love the game. There is no reason to tell your parents that then. Is there another team you could join? You might consider making it all about how uncomfortable being on a team coached by your Dad makes you feel (you did basically mention that in your OP, even if that is not the PRIMARY reason you want to leave this particular team). I mean between higher expectations from my Dad and both expectations and hassling from the other team members, I wouldn't have ever really wanted to be on any sports team coached by my dad.

    My neighbor's son was on a soccer team (U9) two years ago for which the 'star' player's Dad was the Coach. I went to all of the games with my neighbors, but I couldn't believe how hard the coach was on his own son. Way above and beyond the way he treated any of the other players on the team. If his son got hurt on the field and started crying, he would just tell him from the sidelines to shake it off. If other kids got hurt and started crying, he would come out on the field to check on them, then quietly talk to them until they calmed down. After the games, he usually took his son aside and criticized his play during the game. The son sometimes left with his dad crying.:icon_sad:
     
  8. Guff

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    I really don't got anywhere else to go, mini leagues like reck usually end around 12-13 and the very few that somehow remain in high school ages are the ones that only play like 2 other teams and everyone is pretty bad at the sport. >_> I "might" be able to find a reck league, but the level of play just wouldn't be the same. And my dad probably wouldn't allow me to play soccer on any other team, It's either this team or no team. My dad wasn't the coach when I first joined, I actually did ask him NOT to coach when the old one left. He doesn't care way to much about letting me do things alone, he still reads my messages/emails to this day.

    Empty closets is the 1 place I can chat about everything. T-T Ty empty closets peoples LOL
     
  9. Quantumreality

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    Sorry to hear that, Guff. It's a very difficult situation for you. I wish you only the best!

    Sounds like you are to have to tough things out until you graduate high school and can be out on your own.

    But at least you found EC and have a place with friendly people to talk to frankly and openly and without judgment. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Guff

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    Someday I'll move far, far faraway from here xD And everything will fall into place.
     
  11. Quantumreality

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    May all your dreams and wishes come true - except one; that way you'll always have something to strive for!:slight_smile:
     
  12. scanner007

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    Guff,

    I think it would help you to study the different ways in which men and women behave and act. And also to realize you have different levels of femininity and masculinity in yourself, as we all do. Women generally express themselves through words and men through actions. A woman says, "I love you" while a man tends to demonstrate with an act. (no not sex necessarily lol, remember this is basic to everyone in all relationships - just like how your dad shows his love and interest in you by spending his time coaching your soccer team, he might enjoy coaching too, but I guarantee if he wasn't mainly doing it for you, he wouldn't bother hanging with a bunch of boys when he could be doing something more fun, like hanging with his friends, or sitting in the garage/den/man cave hiding from your mother.)

    So firstly, and humbly, may I suggest NOT following some of the advice of others who've replied who by quitting the team and making it because your dad is the coach. Why? Because he's probably only coaching because he loves you and he thinks he's doing this FOR YOU. (He doesn't know you're unhappy). So if you express any displeasure in him being the coach, he might offer to quit and then you'd be stuck in another uncomfortable position. (just my opinion, might not go down that way, but if you do quit I'd just say you're bored with it and want to try something else)

    My other suggestion is that you stay with the team, don't quit. It sounds like you really don't mind your dad being the coach too much and you really enjoy playing soccer. The real problem is how you interact with your team mates, yes? I had a similar conversation with friends and shaving legs when I was a teenager. In my case, we were asking a guy who actually HAD shaved his legs why he'd done it. It seemed weird. He explained he did it because he was on swim team and that's what all swimmers do to decrease their drag in the water. Apparently, it really does shave a second or two off your total time and can make the difference on a win. So if you're dying to shave your legs, be sure you hop in a pool once in a while and express an interest in becoming an athletic swimmer.

    I suggest you don't quit because you'll be missing out on a fun activity you'd otherwise enjoy and also the life experience in dealing with your friends. It sounds like you're having trouble getting on with your friends because you are more the quiet type and have more of a feminine center (please don't misunderstand what I'm saying here). No one is perfectly male or female, just like no one is completely gay or straight, we all fall on a line somewhere. I think it's like this, think of how a group of girls and a group of boys interact. Girls sit around and talk. Guys sit around and say shit and horse around a lot more. Which one do you like more or feel more comfortable in right now? Basically I'm saying you're less experienced in being in male groups and are probably more comfortable in girl groups. But I think if you stay with it and learn to change some of your own perceptions, it might not be so bad.

    Everything you described about your conversation with your dinner after the game with your soccer friends is basically just normal guy banter. You can learn a lot by participating in this, and perhaps if you look at things differently..you can make some really dear friends. Remember that in a group guys are always more confident and say crap they wouldn't dream of saying one-on-one. Remember the saying, "The Squeaky wheel is the one who wants the grease". By that I mean, those who in a group who shout "FAG" the loudest are usually the ones who'll be the most fun when you have a sleepover. *wink*

    Being home-schooled has it's disadvantages and it deprives you of many opportunities to see how people interact. If you stick with this team and begin to take a look at how these boys interact with each other and with you, I think once you learn a few things, you'll start to enjoy it more and make some personal connections that could lead to some great friendships. Granted, on a team, there's always going to be one or two assholes.
    But if someone flips you shit, just roll your eyes and say, "aw fuck you dude" or "shut up dickhead" in that half-joking way and you'll get your point across that they shouldn't fuck with you and let it go. Maybe you'll both have a laugh and have some fun. See what I'm saying?

    Be more accepting of how guys interact and you'll enjoy it more. You gotta let some of that "homo-massacre" talk go in one ear and out the other. And if someone flips you shit, you gotta flip it right back. Just remember that at least a couple of those spitball shooting slobbering jerks could be really cool one-on-one if you connect with them more and give yourself more of an opportunity to get to know them better. You might also find as you get closer to them individually, they'll get closer to you on a group level too.

    Hope some of that helps.
    -Scanner
     
    #12 scanner007, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  13. Guff

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    I'm not like a homeschooler deprived of human beings LOL I like know guys and gals act differently. I know guys do that stuff normally. But I'm a bit of a germ o phobe, I just am. Spit flying over my food, is hell. Listening to guys talk about woman is for obvious reasons not appealing. I don't think they're inhuman or whatever. I just can't handle a lot of their shit. in 1 on 1 conversation they're still not very happy with me. LOL I know I elaborated on the gay stuff, but they're not great people in general. I once rid with some the guys, they had way to many people in the car and broke the speed limit by a ton. They run around in hotels at tournaments breaking crap and waking up poor guests, I'm not hating on "boys being boys" They're just some crappie people.
    And I know my dad coaches because he has kids on the team, I have a brother on it two. It kinda feels like it's more "for him" at times. And I know I "act feminine" xD My dad knows, my mom, my team.
    I've also kinda ruined my relationships on this team through self idiotsy LOL Like this 1 guy I kinda was growing becoming friends with showed me a photo of a gal, asked me how sexy she was on a 1-10 scale. I gave an honest answer. 1 LOL She seemed like a normal looking gal I just wasn't being way to smart... and than it turned out to be his girlfriend LOL I kinda pissed him off.

    Please don't EVER talk like homeschoolers don't understand social lifes or that I dunno how "guys hang out" xD This isn't new to me, I usually am just silent. The problem is they're being ass holes to me because the "popular" guy lost his spot to me. And when Mr. popular decides he don't like you, nobody likes you XD Up to now be quiet nobody cares about you has worked. Now its be loud, be quiet be whatever but they're gonna think you suck anyhow. I play soccer to have fun, If it's not (regardless of reason) than its not fun.
     
  14. Shorthaul

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    If its not fun, its not worth doing. Doesn't matter if its sports or gaming. The adult thing would be to finish the season than quit. Rage quitting part way will likely make them give you more grief than they already do. The only reason you need is you just lost interest.

    Why spend time with people who only bring you down? That's a waste of your time, find a group that treats you better and you look forward to doing stuff with.
     
  15. scanner007

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    Guff,

    My apologies if I came off making it sound like you were a pale-skinned home schooled shut in with no social skills. That wasn't my intention and I certainly have nothing against being home schooled. If I had it to do over again, I would've chosen to be home schooled myself.

    Your profile doesn't say and you never mention exactly how old you are. I thought it might be possible that you were on the younger side and simply lacked some life experiences people get as they get on towards their 20+ years. Thats why I recommended you give it another chance with your soccer friends. But it sounds like you have the wisdom to know if they are just a bunch of assholes and you aren't going to ever get along.

    Now with that said, I still might say...still stick with soccer and give it another chance. I would still say your experience level around other guys might be low. (Remember its not a bad or good thing, nor is it a race to be good at it). You basically said yourself in so many words that you might have some low social experience when you mentioned how your friend showed you a pic of his girl and you honestly said 1 ...And you even said yourself a more social adept individual would've replied differently.

    Being socially adept, like anything else takes practice. And its not something like getting your driver's license or turning 21. I would look at it as a lifelong thing where there's always room for improvement. Hey, I'm in my late thirties and still need to work on it. LOL Its important to be amicable and friendly so you can network out and find people in your life that you really enjoy being with. Its not an easy thing for anyone, we all have insecurities, maybe shyness, life issues, etc.
    And yes we have our own preferences too, sometimes being friendly and amicable doesn't always mean you like the people you're being friendly with, but you smile and be nicey nice and then hold close the ones who really mean something to you.

    But again, I didn't mean to offend you in any way. Just trying to help and chit chat. I didn't mean for my response to be worded in such absolute or elementary terms as to sound condescending.

    From your reply, yeah it does sound like those guys are gonna be hard to get along with. I wouldn't wanna run around hotels breaking shit and wreaking havoc. Probably the best answer is try to be confidant and don't let their shit get to you. Yeah, stay positive but don't put up with their crap. If they don't like you then its not your problem. Maybe they'll respond to that confidence and give you a little more respect. Lastly, in general, try to relate to their side as well. Just like you don't particularly enjoy hearing about someone's girlfriend, it'd be the same if you went on to them about your boyfriend. You just gotta smile and say, "Uh huh, thats cool man".

    As for your dad, I'm probably around his age. I can tell you that once I started doing it, I'd have some fun doing it, but unless I had a child of my own in the game. I'd rather watch paint dry than coach youth sports. LOL trust me, he does it cause he loves you.

    How are things otherwise? You mentioned you are closeted and this is a religous team and you can't socialize outside your circles much and look for a community where you'd be comfortable being yourself. I also wondered about the line you put above in your reply post. Is it that you're in the closet or is it like a unspoken truth that everyone knows?
    Shit, I dunno, maybe if you did quit your soccer and were allowed to find something you were happy with, that might be better for you. Only you know that, or if they'd allow you to do that.

    -Scanner
     
    #15 scanner007, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  16. Guff

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    I've been asked/told and even explained to as why me being homeschooled translates out to why I dunno shit about anything my hole life. By public schooled people who all of a suddenly think they're geniuses once I say I'm homeschooled, and even extended family. My own grandmother still to this day quizes me on really easy stupid crap just because she doesn't believe I know anything. It was kinda annoying that was the approach you took, and how you said it's like stick to it longer. I've been on this team 4 and a half years now, (Half a year longer than most people stick to a team) next season will/would be my senior year. I've known more people who've been on the team who now are off in the real world than are even still here. Though sadly I never got to know any them very well cus as said before, I didn't wanna be there... Which made me act angry LOL Angry lil kid on a high school team. I wasn't very well liked. ;D Even I'd dislike me then. They were pretty good people. Homophobic, but good overall.

    But these newer people who have joined just aren't great people in general. We go to a co-op (a place homeschoolers meet up and do classes just for the sake of meeting other homeschoolers) and they're always the guys breaking rules, getting suspended, interrupting classes etc. I just was highlighting the "gay stuff" because in real life I have friends I can talk too about their annoying crap. But I have nowhere I can take my gay crap. LOL So yes, it was intentionally based around a gay moment. But that was my "breaking point" after many of which I finally asked myself if its worth it. And I know rating her lowly was a bit of a blunder, but up to that point I was honest about everything and he was the first friend I made on the team. I he was new and I never hid anything it was working for me, Until it didn't. LOL Yes, that was a fail on my part. But please don't try to turn it into "the basics of male behavior" Like I'm not that stupid and I've had enough of being treated like that by default. I'm also sorry, I asked for help and you gave your best advice and I'm kinda like fighting you on it.

    And to whoever said don't quit, I had no intention on quitting during season, just wasn't going to return senior year.

    ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2016 at 09:30 PM ----------

    How are things otherwise? You mentioned you are closeted and this is a religous team and you can't socialize outside your circles much and look for a community where you'd be comfortable being yourself. I also wondered about the line you put above in your reply post. Is it that you're in the closet or is it like a unspoken truth that everyone knows?


    -Scanner[/QUOTE]

    Trust me, nobody knows I'm gay. They know I'm a freak, but they think I'm a straight freak.
    My only other circle is attached to this one, same general homeschooler group, just people who don't play soccer. (Theres basketball, track, Volleyball and even dramas, clubs and lots its a large h-schooled group) Everyone is homophobic, but not everyone is a moron. I like lots of people there. Though they will eventually hate me cus I'm gay, but I've already accepted that and just brush off gay remarks they make. I guess it's just easier to not care when it's someone you like and want to be friends with, than when it's someone you already just giving you more reasons to dislike them.
     
  17. Quantumreality

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    R u o.k., Guff?
     
  18. scanner007

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    Guff,

    Well I want to say sorry again, I'm a little rusty. Believe it or not I used to get glowing compliments on the advice I've given on here. But life has kept me busy and I haven't been on the site much lately. And things haven't all been good either, honestly right now I'm struggling myself in pretty much every area. But I didn't mean to explain things out in a simplified condescending way that made you get defensive and feel insulted.

    But if nothing else it sounds like my posts have helped you further your resolve on quitting and after your last post I'm leaning towards agreeing with you. If its really that bad then I don't blame you for quitting at all. I mean wow, if you're basically a senior in high school aged then you're right at the tail end of "being a kid". Life for you will change forever shortly and much of it as far as being gay goes will be for the better. But for now, it should be a good time for you, not miserable because you're stuck doing something you hate because those jerks are making it hell for you.

    Your last post painted a much darker picture than before for me. You really made your case on why you hate soccer. And I think you're right. It seems like thats not the only thing you have to deal with either what with all the religious culture around you. I can see it really bothers you.
    See you didn't say "They think I'm a freak" ..you said, "They know I'm a freak" which makes me think you believe you're a freak. NOT TRUE. NO NO.
    And don't automatically assume everyone will damn you for being gay either. Even if they are super religious. A lot of people worship kindness and compassion above their religious edicts. Don't let your own fears get the better of you and assume you're not normal and that everyone is going to hate you if they find out the entire truth about you.

    You're ok. You're normal. You're fine. You're really are. People WILL love you for you. And I know you're smart and you already know that *wink* ...I just want to reassure you because years in the closet can make you project your fears and assume that nobody cares about you and even those you care for the most is a potential "enemy". I think we're all naturally egocentric to a point and for me, I've had to remind myself that the way I think people see me isnt necessarily what they are thinking themselves.

    Still, I know talking about it is one thing, but living it is a whole other deal. The first person I told I was gay was my best friend and I didn't come out until I was 29..yes 29! Honestly, before I told him the only way I could imagine the conversation going was that I expected to wake up 5 minutes afterwards alone after being knocked out from him punching me and then leaving. Nope, it was very emotional for me but he hugged me and said I'm still the same person I always was to him and nothings changed. Felt pretty damn good.

    I want to say two things I usually say to people in your situation, but because of our previous conversations I don't want you to think I'm just blathering on and spewing out more garbage because I think you're some dumb kid - because I don't think of people like that. I have friends from 17 to 61. My best friend is 7 years younger than me. I don't make age distinctions, we're all people to me and we're all in it together.

    First, it helps me a lot to realize in my 20's that I had only myself to please and that I no longer had to live up to other people's expectations of who they think I ought to be. It was freeing for me to realize this because even though it's basic, it still hit almost like an epiphany to release the anxiety I felt in trying to please people other than myself and I no longer had to try to be someone I wasn't.

    Second, and I say this with some strong feeling because it really bothers me how some people treat others based on their religious beliefs. It angers me because it seems like people do more shitty things to others in the name of God rather than what they should be doing. But secondly, I say, Don't ever let anyone presume to tell you what God thinks of you. Don't believe it for a second. Especially if they are clergy. They are just as human as you are and they don't know, they haven't a clue. I say if you ever wanna know what God thinks of you then check your conscience. If you know you're a good person then you don't have to feel guilty or feel wrong because of what someone else told you.

    Well I'm getting a bit long-winded here, but you talked of how angry you've been and how you disliked yourself at times and I wanted to speak to that. Yeah it's sad you have to quit what you love doing because your current team membes are jerks, but at least the time you'll spend otherwise might open up other opportunities for you to actually find some peace and happiness in your life doing something or spending time with people you actually like.

    Ok I hope some of this helped you out rather than offending you or driving you nuts.
    *crosses fingers for luck* and
    GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
    -Scanner
     
  19. Guff

    Full Member

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    I'm very happy someone was nice enough to read about my life LOL (I'm aware you have much better things to do, and my grammar isn't too hot) Its just with everyone indirectly saying people like me are like mental and crazy, and some people directly telling me because I'm homeschooled I'm crazy and even some people who mistake my dyeslexia and paralyzing migraines I have as a sign of like retardation (I swear to god it has no brain damaging effects LOL) I just feel sick of always being told I'm crazy in some form. I really don't think I am, But I guess it would be dumb to assume everyone else is wrong. LOL

    I do appreciate the time you took to comment, especially with such detailed replies.
     
  20. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

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    Guff,

    I was glad to see this post from you. I was concerned for you. Your two posts last night were kind of rough – you seemed quite agitated and frustrated. I was wondering if something more seriously negative was going on in your life. But it seems that previous posts most likely just triggered hot-button issues for you. You’ve told us what a frustrating situation you have to live with for now. Many of us can understand that quite well, even if our own frustrating living situations are/were not exactly the same as the one you are experiencing. But we are not here to add to your frustration, only help ease it a bit, if possible.

    Please try not to read too much into any individual post. Remember the people on this site just want to help. And everyone comes from different backgrounds, with different perspectives – that’s one reason forums like this can potentially be so helpful. The people here only know as much about you as you choose to post, so often times responses to your threads will be shots in the dark, until/unless we engage you in a running dialogue to clarify your situation/concerns/issues. Some people will respond to your threads in ways that ‘get you’ and are immediately helpful. Others may not ‘get you,’ but if you read their input carefully, you may still find positive things that bring up questions you want to explore or provide good, but maybe less-directly applied advice that you like. The people here are not trying to insult you nor trying to hide subtle, cutting remarks aimed at you personally in their responses.

    This is not a criticism of you; I’m sure you posted your honest feelings. (And, your grammar not withstanding - o.k., yes, that was a friendly criticism LOL! - I think you articulate your thoughts and feelings quite clearly.) Just some perspective.

    Take care and stay strong, my friend.:slight_smile:
     
    #20 Quantumreality, Aug 29, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016