Hey everyone, I've been out (more or less) for two years now. I've had quite a few flings, hookups, friends with benefits, and one semi-serious relationship. However, everything has been through dating apps. I am terrible at talking to people in person unless I already have met them. The problem is, I used to meet other gay guys through my ex, who could talk to anyone. Now, we've broken up and I'm looking to flirt, have fun, whatever, and I CAN'T for the life of me approach guys in person. And I don't want to use dating apps anymore because I'm not the biggest fan of them. Does anyone have any advice for how to talk to cute gay guys I see at gay bars or clubs?
"Hi, I like your top, where did you get it?" or anything really. You'll learn your own style after a while. Though... Maybe I'm not the best guy to take advice on social interactions from.
Well my trick was to stand awkwardly in the corner of the disco and sing along to the pop songs that played, while looking at the guys I fancied hoping they would come talk to me. I still, to this day, don't understand why that didn't work. A trick my friend used to use was talk to girls in gay bars. Whatever their orientation, they know you're probably not hitting on them, and so do you, so chat was easier and they were generally friends with the cute gays, so it was a way in and far less obvious than going straight to the boy and chatting them up.
I used to walk up to guys at the bar, sit on their lap and say "do you mind if I sit here while you order me a drink?":lol: That's maybe not a beginner's move. Seriously just talk to people and DON'T just talk to the people you're attracted to. People know each other and all it takes is falling in with a couple people and you'll be surprised how the whole thing may just open up.
Thanks for the advice guys. I guess my biggest thing is I just don't know how to break the ice with people I don't know. Once I've seen someone once or twice I'm fine with chatting a bit. But some people can literally just talk to anyone. I can't. I can't think of what to say, how to keep conversations going, etc. Usually my go-to is have others approach me or introduce people to me but I don't like not being confident enough to do it myself.
I would say 'networking', as in become part of a social group, maybe LGBT specific. That will help open up possibilities, apps can work for some but for a lot they are just a convenience factor for a quick fling.
I think all relationships (friendship or otherwise) are rooted in connections. Try asking questions that will make a connection (people love talking about themselves), and that means being really interested in what the other person has to say. What are things people talk about passionately? IMO, that is whatever they do for fun (or if they have an unusual job), things like music, etc. Approaching cute guys is only the first step. You need to keep practicing not only to reduce your anxiety but to find guys who are going to click with you mentally as well as physically.
Well I actually kind of am looking for a quick fling at the moment because I'm still getting used to being single again haha. But thanks everyone I guess I just need to not overthink things haha
