So my therapist suggested i do this since I've been officially out for about 8 years, have since married the woman of my dreams and we are starting a family. Growing up lesbian in the south, excuse the language, was shit. Though my family was extremely unstable anyways, my mother and i never had a good relationship. My entire family, other than my dad, always raised me to be with a man. I attempted to come out at least 3 times unsuccessfully, did horrible things to force myself into the hetero life. Trying to feel something for a man. Growing up with all of the ridicule has kind of stuck with me. I basically grew up in a box. I have issues with men, i was raped 2 months ago which added to all of this. I'm not a lesbian he said. I'm beautiful and don't look lesbian he said. He could change that he said. So here i am. Wishing i wasn't gay. Wondering if i can force myself to be with a man. Why can't i accept myself for who i am? I don't talk to any of my family. It affects my marriage sometimes. I have so many insecurities with my wife. I accuse her of cheating, i accuse her of liking men you name it. But reality she is amazing and has done nothing along those lines to hurt me. I just feel unworthy. This is a rambling post i know i just don't even know where to start. I just want peace and happiness within myself. Being lesbian is hard. Why. :bang:
