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What signs give away your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DonaldDuck, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. DonaldDuck

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    I've never been entirely comfortable with my sexuality but am out to close family.

    I've recently had several casual acquaintances (both straight and gay) who I've only known for brief periods of time asking me if I am gay or just seeming to pick up from my behaviour that I'm gay. I don't actively attempt to give off any signals that I'm gay or follow "codes" so what behaviour could they be picking up on that gives it away?
     
  2. wallflower93

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    Firstly, I would like to commend you on being out to close family. Family can be a tricky thing to manoeuvre when it comes to sexuality. Even if you fee uncomfortable with it now, know that it is perfectly normal and that this feeling of discomfort will ease in time.

    People questioned me for years, and it is still something that I am coming to terms with. Other people may ask, but know that it is not necessarily their business to ask this of you and that it is entirely you decision what your answer is. It can be difficult to self monitor your words and mannerisms (I did it for years), but this feeling of discomfort with your sexuality that you've described can cause you to analyse things under a very fine microscope.

    Might I suggest finding some positive LGBTQ+ influences to incorporate into your life? Films, TV shows, music, and other resources can be found here in the forums on EC. Having positive gay influences in my life helped me immensely in coming to terms with my sexuality and embracing a mindset of self acceptance.
     
  3. scanner007

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    DonaldDuck,

    It's ironic to have a user name like Donald Duck and then ask a question about what signs give away your sexuality. You know..because ...well without trying to be offensive to anyone...Donald Duck does talk a little funny compared to the rest of the Disney Characters and he wears a bright blue sailor suit, with a bright blue sailor hat and a big pretty red bow tie. :confused: (uh hmm!)

    I mean I could go on and on..like Donald Duck doesn't have any kids of his own, but 3 nephews, Huey Duey And Lewey. But I think this youtube song will sum up on Donald's not so ambiguous homosexual vibe, cause he's MACHO!...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSm87yZPutk

    *****
    Now on your question, it sounds like you do give off some kind of gay vibe if new acquaintances are asking if you're gay but longtime friends and family who don't know are basically used to you and are accepting of it. Which means they probably know you're gay on some level even if they only suspect. Newer friends are probably accepting too, but it's natural to ask that.

    As to specifically what gives you away, we'd have to know more about you and your situation to decipher that. I think people have a million and 1 tells it, which for me, was a living hell growing up as a teenager back in the 90s. I was very insecure that everyone would know and hate me. Thank God those days are over with, I hope that day comes soon for you as well.

    -Scanner
     
  4. DonaldDuck

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    I was more interested in what the behaviours they might be picking up on were from the perspective of recognising other gay men (something I struggle with). I'm hardly a stereotypical gay person so it just seemed odd that people were just able to pick it up from conversation and mannerisms alone, unless i've underestimated my own mannerisms and behaviours.
     
  5. scanner007

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    Donald,

    Again, on that I say there's a million and 1 things that "tell" you're gay or straight, and that obviously isn't limited to homosexuality. It's about the general impression you get when you're in someone's presence. The way they look, how they dress, how they talk, their interests, etc.

    If you're looking for a list of things specific to you, that will be hard to answer on forums and might be a question for a trusted real life friend. Just think of all the information you gather on a person you just meet in the very first minute..your first impression. You can assume a lot about them and some things are proven true, others you revise and correct in your mind.

    Also, being stereo-typically gay doesn't necessarily make you gay either. I've meet some guys I would bet money they were gay in how flamboyant they acted, only to find out later they were married with kids. (Not that being married with kids proves you don't have homosexual tendencies either). LOL Its complicated!

    But I can understand your frustration. I hate even talking about this, but I went through a phase in my mid teens that I was absolutely positive I was walking like a girl and didn't realize it. I was SOOO self conscious about it, it actually made my whole body stiffen up as I walked down the hallways at school. I had a lot of anxiety and self-consciousness about the way I talked, walked and always keep my hands by my sides and not let my hands hang (limp wristed) or put my hands on my hips. I literally drove myself nuts.

    I know it's a bit extreme, but to myself anyways, I always compare my closeted youth to what it would be like to be Jewish in Nazi Germany. To be Jewish and to try and hide in plain sight without giving anything away about my true self because there were NAZI SS soldiers everywhere with big German Shepherd dogs that could sniff out gayness and the instant I was found out, I'd be mercilessly brought to my knees and executed with a shot to the head and thrown in the trash because I wasn't like everyone else.

    I can laugh about that now, in some ways it's silly but my fear was very real. And the culture in the 80s and 90s was such that you really could face violence and be ostracized and even just laughed at by not just your peers at school, but it could come from anywhere.

    My advice to you today is be glad things are better now. It may take years, but try not to worry about how you act and remember it's most important that you be accepting of yourself...you're okay just the way you are. If you comb your hair a certain way, or talk a certain way, it's just who you are. Being happy with who you are leads to being a lot happier person than trying to guess what it is about you that seems gay and therefore less than perfect. That's a lie.

    --Scanner
     
  6. Guff

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    I'm out nobody, but at this 1 winter formal I had just finished dancing, with a GIRL. I mean I truly should've appeared straight there's absolutely no reason for me not too. My friend introduced me to this guy, I've never seen him before in my life. About 50 seconds after meeting him for the first time ever only talking about how cold it was, he asked me if I'm gay. I quickly replied no acting puzzled beyond imagination as he said "Sorry, you just seemed real gay." To this day I don't know how he did it. Some folk got amazing gaydars LOL
     
  7. Anthemic

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    Literally, nothing. I'm very feminine (with slight tomboy tendencies) and I keep my attraction to myself 90% of the time.
     
    #7 Anthemic, Aug 29, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016
  8. I'm_Danni_x

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    I present completely feminine, there is no stereotypical indication of my sexuality in my hair or clothing. Yet, most people click on that i like girls because apparently I subconsciously flirt.