Hey guys I'm back once again with the same issue that's been bothering me for quite a few months now about a close friend who I'm having feelings for because he seems to be showing signs that he's gay/bi and having feelings himself. To catch you up a bit, it all started when I noticed him being a bit "touchy" with me and getting closer than usual to me more and more often and even saying stuff that sounded kind of like subtle hints that he could be having feelings but this stopped for a while when I kind of addressed the issue by saying I don't really like people invading my personal space, he asked if he done it and I told him that lately he was quite touchy feely which just made him stop for a while and keep a bit of distance but we still remained close friends. We work together through the week and most weekends I stay over at his place so we can go weeks seeing eachother every day and if not we usually text pretty much non stop which I've been trying to cut down a bit for the obvious reason but he's gone back to being touchy and close and he even joked that he only asks me to hang out because he fancies me. He's been in a relationship for a while now though and they even live together but he still always insist I stay on weekends and apparently his gf doesn't mind and we do get on quite well but sometimes I feel in the way of their relationship and also feel like I don't have much of a life myself even though I do like hanging out with them. What's got me now is that there is another guy at work who I have a bit of a crush on which I was happy with because at least it took my focus off my friend a bit but I told my friend about my crush and now if I'm talking to my crush alone or anything my friend comes and buts in and just joins the conversation and even gets very flirty with my crush right in front of me which annoys me. But I've noticed it's not just my crush he buts in on it's whenever I talk to some other coworkers too or if he doesn't butt in he will tell me how much he doesn't like these people and stuff. I just don't know what to do about him anymore, another friend of mine says I need to stop spending so much time with him but if I do that he thinks he's upset me or I'm being funny with him, but if I tell him why it will put pressure on the friendship and make things awkward. At the same time I can't keep things how they are because they affect other relationship possibities for me and I feel like I don't have my own life. Does anyone have any advise or any similar experience? Any ideas what I can do about him? Thanks for reading.
I do think you need to stop spending so much time with him, but instead of trying to silently move on, why don't you tell him that you need some more space to yourself? Next time he buts in while you're talking to your other crush, maybe you can ask him afterwards why he's doing that. Tell him you want to be able to meet other guys, and you hope he'd support you as a friend. Also, you could mention that since you're spending so much time with him, you haven't had the chance to meet others and you might want to do that for a bit. If he's a real friend, he'd be supportive of that and will wish you best.
My advice would be to tell him that his intimacy is confusing for you because you have feelings for him but that he's in a relationship. Just talk to him about it
Another possibility I haven't seen addressed here is that he really is bi and is interested in you hooking up with him AND his gf for a threeway... But if that is definitely NOT your thing (and assuming it IS his, for the sake of this post), you should probably just move on.
Hey guys, I went with the advise of distancing myself a bit for nowand did tell him I need some space at the minute and even told him he probably needs more space with just his gf and stuff but he's started acting weird with me now, like if I talk to him it's like he can't be bothered talking to me and sometimes he even seems like I've annoyed him so now I'm scared of damaging our friendship. I wanted to tell him why I'm distancing myself but in the past he's told me if a gay/bi guy came onto him or even just fancied him he wouldn't know what he would do and he would find it really weird and stuff so I just think if I spoke to him about my feelings especially when he's acting the way he os it would just ruin our friendship completely. As for the threeway idea I know he's spoke to another friend of ours about being open to it but I don't get the sense his gf is looking for that.
Hi Shabang, I totally see where you are coming from. I went through this for two years with my best friend. I gradually began to despise his girlfriend, just because she was with him. I saw her in the airport this year and my boyfriend and her newer boyfriend were going to the same place. We all went for drinks and talked about happy times, seen as me and her and I were friends first. I know that it seems like you could spend time away. But if he calls, you know you will run like a puppy dog. I was the same. all the touching was going on. He let me cuddle him and feel him up and then it was like it never happened. I used to wonder if it was my mind playing tricks. I confessed my feelings to him and he said it wouldn't change things. But it did. He would stay over at mine and we would have these long intimate hugs. For two years I felt tortured. 10 years ago out of nowhere, I met this guy and I just fell in love straight away. We are getting married in a year and a half. I think most of the time these feelings that develop between friends never come to fruition and if they do they probably don't last that long. I was 18 then, I am 30 now. Looking back and being an experienced guy, I'd say that I was more attracted to the chase and desperately wanting something I couldn't have, as opposed to really wanting my friend as my man. I didn't think that then. I was so in love, or so I thought. You only know love when that love is given back to you and for no reason at all. It's just there. I know how you feel and what I have said might not help. You don't need to do or say anything. Just know that any plan or scheme won't work. If it happens, it will happen. In the meantime, try and enjoy the time you do spend together. After all, you still have an amazing friendship. Try not to torture yourself anymore. If you feel like touching each other, do it. But in my opinion, you are worth more and you can still be close without sharing a bed. Try and help you help yourself and the best of luck to you. I'll follow your story
