My family is uncomfortable around my boyfriend, what should I do?

Hi RainbowsFactory!

It sounds like your mom is simply having a hard time accepting your homosexuality, but at least she is acting respectfully (if not completely acceptingly yet) by telling you she accepts it and allowing your boyfriend to come over to the house. Some people/parents take longer to resolve the conflict in their minds (if that is what is really happening to your mom) and they have to do it at their own pace. She may have said she accepts you for who you are because she loves you unconditionally, but is still not mentally ready to see the outward effects of your homosexuality in practice (i.e. dating a boy). And listening at the door may mean she has all sorts of weird or disturbing (to her) images in her mind that she imagines you and your boyfriend might be doing to each other in private. It will probably just take time and you have to be patient with her, but if she’s willing, you might want to find some resources (online and/or in hardcopy) to help educate her as what homosexuality really is and what it means for a parent to have a gay son.

I hope this helps a little! Good luck and your virginity pact with your boyfriend is very nice and very inspiring (I’m very traditional along those lines, myself).

 

I agree with a lot that Quantumreality had mentioned within his response. However, for me and in my own opinion and let me just make this clear, you do not have to agree with me on this okay....but I would feel awkward having my boyfriend spending the night or hanging out in my bedroom while being in my parents' home....but like I said...that's just me. I recall when I was with a former boyfriend who was staying with his mom when we first started dating (he is also the baby of the family as well). He and I were in relationships and had decided to take things slow. However, our relationship was at the point of us being a couple at that time. Anyway, I was introduced to his whole family (16 brothers and sisters) and they all embraced me and invited me over to their houses for dinners, game night, parties, etc. The house his mom had was an older house but very spacious and huge to say the least and many times, he would beg me to stay the night. If I had been drinking alcohol, yes..I did but honestly, I felt very strange and awkward being that way with him in his mom's home although she and his whole family were very much aware that he was gay..but it was just out of being respectful because she was an older individual and that was the way I was raised.

It was this one particular weekend that we had engaged into some really, intense sex that became very passionate and vocal. The next morning, his mom was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and when she saw me...she immediately hugged me and asked me to sit down and have breakfast. All of a sudden, she had mentioned nonchalant that she heard a lot of moaning during the night and wanted to see if all was okay since his huge bedroom area was over her downstairs bedroom. He had two rooms conjoined into one huge area. Anyway, after that, I felt so awkward and embarrassed and decided at that moment to stop spending the night at her home and discussed with him that we should start looking for our own place immediately.

I stuck to my guns and really did stop spending the night until one day, I received a phone call from his mom asking me why I stop spending the night and was something wrong? I informed her that if I can be honest...although she is fine with us being a gay couple, I just felt that I was being disrespectful towards her by spending the night with her son. She assured me that I was not being disrespectful but she appreciate my being concerned about her feelings to back away as a common courtesy. She then told me she enjoyed me coming around and she liked us together because I was a great influence on him. So...the reason I am sharing this story with you is to tell you that although my situation was different from yours, but I was concerned about being respectable and like Quantumreality mentioned in his response...parents take longer to actually come to terms with what is taken place because although she seems to be fine with your being gay but when it comes to you putting it in their faces, that's a lot to take in and accept for that matter. Maybe you should sit her down and just have an honest conversation with her about it and see if you both could come to some kind of resolution. Good luck!!!

 

She may have acted like this also if you'd had a girl over, or you were a daughter who had a guy over. You're still quite young, she wants to protect you, and this applies whether you are gay or straight. If my daughter (thankfully far too young) one day brings home a guy/girl when she's sixteen, it will worry me. Obviously I know it has to happen, but facing the idea your beautiful innocent child may be having sex with ANYONE, freaks parents out.