This is just happening 2 fast

Hey, dounuts7975 so many of the people on this forum have been through the same doubts and worries and fears. It's why we're here and why we post support and encouragement and advice to each other. The older ones on here also want to make the teenagers and young adults like yourself understand that we know what it's like to be young and questioning and to have a crush on a close friend. So although I don't have any advice for you, we're here for you. I hope this helps.
(And I lied - I do have a piece of advice for you: talk to your best friend, find a way to let him know, it probably won't be as bad as you think it is. If you feel you can trust him, tell him. And if you still feel like you can't tell him or anyone else, then is there a counsellor at school you can talk to?)

 

Hi dounuts7975. You sound like a really nice guy, just shy.

Goldensun makes a good point. Open communication is the best way to avoid the anxiety of not knowing if someone else feels the same towards you as you do to them.

But I also know it is not usually that easy for people your age. If you're willing to open the subject with him, have you considered maybe coming at it from an angle to start getting a gauge of how he feels? Like, I dunno, maybe if the two of you are alone talking, you could bring up the subject of "if you could date anyone at school, who would it be?" And if he gives you an answer, you could ask 'why?' That might give you an idea of what he's interested in, if he's taking the game seriously. Then, if he asks you who you would date, you could say "you" and watch him carefully for his reaction. If it looks like it's going badly, you could play it off as a joke. Either way, you could explain that he is the one person that you feel most comfortable with and right now the idea of dating is exciting, but kind of scary to you. Or something along those lines.

Or you could just go slowly and keep hanging out with him as much as possible, doing things of mutual interest. If he's choosing to spend a lot of time with you, he's not likely looking somewhere else for a bf or gf. Of course, it doesn't mean that he's into you the same way you are into him, but the more you hang out together, the better you should be able to gauge whether he is just a really good friend or a potential bf.

If the two of you have a mutual good friend (who is reliable and discreet) - especially a girl - maybe you could get them to ask him a question or two that would give you a better idea about how he feels about you.

There are a lot of ways to go about this, but don't get so fixated and emotionally wound up in your crush on him that, if he turns out to be straight or simply doesn't have the same feelings for you that you do for him, you end up devastated.

Just some thoughts/ideas. Good luck!

 

Congratulations, dounuts7975! That’s a big step! I take it both of your friends were accepting?

I think you have an extremely healthy attitude about this. Your friend may be straight and completely comfortable with himself or he may just not have even really tried to explore his sexuality the way that you are doing, yet. Everyone is an individual and goes through this at their own pace. So, just being happy to be his friend is really great.

Best of luck!

---------- Post added 30th Aug 2016 at 06:50 PM ----------

Oh, and another positive aspect of this will be that now you will have a support group with whom you can be totally open about your sexual preference. That can be important down the road if/when you decide to Come Out to your parents.

 

I'm extremely glad that it worked out so well for you! And now you have a group of live friends you can talk to about this kind of stuff, if you need to. (And, of course, us, but we will never actually know you as well as your friends do.)

As for Coming Out to your parents - or anyone else, for that matter, it is totally up to you. And you have to do what is right and most comfortable for you, first and foremost. I also understand about your Grandmother. All four of my grandparents died before I came out to anyone. I know for sure that two of my grandparents (who were Catholics) would have had massive problems with my sexual preference. The other two probably would have been o.k. with it - eventually.

But if you start dating boys, you may end up eventually facing the issue of coming out to your parents or having trouble hiding what you're doing. It doesn't seem like an issue that you have to worry about too soon, so you most likely have plenty of time to think about it. But one thing I'd tell you is that your sexual preference is your business and no one else's. So if/when you tell your parents, you have the right to tell them NOT to tell your grandmother and they SHOULD (which, of course, doesn't guarantee they WILL) respect your privacy because you are trusting them with this very personal and private information.

Just some thoughts in advance from someone who's been down a similar road before.

 

Hi! The nice thought I have for you is that you have some courage. You told the bi guy and, even if you don't like him, it counts. You told somebody. You're shy, and sometimes you feel rejected and a lot of times lonely. Someone else has already written that many, many of us have gone through what you're going through. It does get better, but it takes time. I admire you for being brave. I wouldn't trade places with you and do it again myself I know it's hard. Be strong. As strong as you can be.

Here's a website that may help with the social anxiety: Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia Support There is a forum there. Join it and read for awhile. It might help with the social anxiety as much as this site helps with being gay.

 

You're so straightforward and not self conscious in expressing how you feel, I sense self esteem shining through. I think better times are ahead for you. Stay strong. You are wise and see yourself well. I admire this.

 

dounuts7975, I wholeheartedly agree with faustian1! You are a very courageous young man and you express your thoughts and feeling very clearly. You are going to have an awesome future!

More power to you!

 

First, take a deep breath and calm down dounuts7975. Take a step back.

It’s probably a good thing that it’s out in the open with your crush that you like him. Now you no longer have to hide it from him. Since he guessed so quickly, he must have already seen indications in your behavior, but maybe didn’t really put two and two together until after you Came Out to him. Alternately, he may be feeling similar feelings for you, but may not be as far along in his journey towards his sexual identity to know who he is inside himself and this may be confusing him as much as anything you just told him.

Regardless, you said that he accepted your homosexuality and that he wants to still be your friend even after you told him that you have a crush on him - he clearly respects you. It is up to him whether or not he wants to be just friends or your bf at this point, but you just have to wait for him to figure out how he wants to approach this. There is nothing more that you can or should really do right now. If you start trying to pressure him (directly or through other mutual friends) or make things weird for him, he’s very likely to resent it.

Remember, crushes will come and go in your life. The first crush can be one of the most intense because everything is so new, but don’t let your heart get too emotionally involved in something that, in your head, you know just may not happen. Kinda like having your heart set on getting a certain present for your birthday, but you know there is a possibility that you won’t get it; you can’t let the fact that you didn’t get it ruin your birthday celebration.

I hope everything ends up with the best possible outcome for you!

 

Teenage hormones can definitely be a major pain :lol:, but you’ll come through this just fine, dounuts7579. Don’t be in a hurry to experience everything right now. You’ve barely started your life. You clearly have the courage of your convictions and that will help you grow into an amazing person and lead the awesome life that you want to lead.

Stay strong and proud!

 

Uh, dounuts7975, I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to put a damper on you, but I’d like to make a couple of comments as an outside observer who has gotten to know you a little bit through your posts and our exchanges in the last day +.

First, let me reaffirm that ONLY you can decide when to Come Out and to whom. You have to be comfortable with it. It is totally your decision on when or even if you Come Out to any particular person. And I’m very, very thrilled that you now have a network of supportive friends to whom you are Out.

Having said all of that, I’d simply ask you to stop for a moment and reflect: are you really ready to come out to someone in your family right now or are you being impulsive because your experiences with Coming Out so far have been positive or because you are just frustrated with keeping it bottled up inside around your family? Maybe you are ready to come out to a family member now. I’m just asking if you’ve thought this through.

And how trustworthy is your aunt? Is it possible that she may Out you to the rest of the family? If she is as firmly in support of the LGBTQ community as you describe, could you see her getting into an argument with your parents and saying something like “I don’t see how you can be so ignorant when you have a gay son yourself!”? If, however, she is trustworthy, and you really want someone in your family to know, it sounds like she is likely to be a very good person to come out to (at least from the little bit you posted about her.)

Best of luck! As always, stay strong and proud!:icon_redf

 

I hear you! And I totally understand about wanting someone in the family to know!

Are you saying that you aren’t comfortable with your Aunt knowing now that you’ve thought about it a little bit? If so, you might just want to blow it off by saying “I was having a problem (at school, at home, whatever), but I’m good now. But I REALLY want to thank you for being there if I had really needed you!” And something like that could keep the door open if you decide that she ultimately really is the first person in your family that you want to Come Out to.

---------- Post added 31st Aug 2016 at 07:23 PM ----------

Oh, and if you tell her something along those lines and she asks what the problem was, you might want to just say that it was kinda embarrassing/personal/an uncomfortable subject, etc, but now that it's resolved, you'd rather not talk about it.