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I feel so bad, and I need support.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TheChainedPegasus, Aug 30, 2016.

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  1. TheChainedPegasus

    TheChainedPegasus
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    Hi, it's ChainedWingz again for another thread about some love for a best friend. Sorry for English mistakes, I'm French and panicked.

    So basically, my best friend is also the only guy who knows I love him and I just wrote a huge text for him telling him how I hate myself because I love him, even if he doesn't. That makes me feel so bad about myself.

    Long text short : I love you, I hate myself for that and I'm worthless.

    I'm shaking like I never did and my stomach hurts.

    Right now it's 5AM, he's sleeping. He'll wake up with that. I feel so bad about myself.

    He's comprehensive, really, but I wrote such a text I fear he could hate me. I even told him I sometime think about suicide but I want to make myself pay to make him waste his time.

    I'm not even able to cry because of how much I'm stressed.

    I feel worthless and I need help like never. :help::help::help:
     
    #1 TheChainedPegasus, Aug 30, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
  2. killswitch0029

    killswitch0029
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    At the moment the best thing to do is just try to calm yourself and wait for him to get around to reading your message. I've been in the same situation before (sort of, never had the guts to actually tell my friend at the time how I felt) so I know how nerve racking the situation can be.

    I did a little bit of back-tracking to the post you mentioned and from what I've read it seems like your friend is a reasonable and accepting person. Telling him about the emotions you have running through you right now could be the best course of action about everything. Although I personally do not know your reasons for the negative feelings you have towards yourself about the whole situation, now that you've let it all out and told your friend he can help you address these emotions and help you get some closure about the whole situation.

    In the meantime just try to distract yourself and get some sleep (I'm assuming it's rather late at night where you live but I'm not to sure really :/) until your friend is able to get back to you about this.

    Please keep us updated about how things go (*hug*)
     
    #2 killswitch0029, Aug 30, 2016
  3. TheChainedPegasus

    TheChainedPegasus
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    Well, I went to sleep as I had no response in the 20 mins, strangely, I was able to sleep as I was a little less stressed. Strange anyway tho.

    I came back and went to my computer, Skype opens automatically, he responded. Stress level : Maximum.

    I'll translate French to English : "Don't worry bro, I know how it feels, we're gonna talk about it, don't worry bro.
    No worry, it's gonna be fine."

    Holy shit, that helps like fuck and it doesn't help at all.

    He's so kind to me about my feelings, I just can't understand, I tell him I love him like no others and that makes me suffer, and he says basically "No worries bro".

    But it also bothers me, I took literally 30 mins to tell him everything. And he responds with two lines, that happends everytime, I hate it XD

    If you want, I could post everything I said to him, gonna take time, but I don't mind, if you want to know everything.
     
    #3 TheChainedPegasus, Aug 31, 2016
  4. killswitch0029

    killswitch0029
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    His short response could have been due to him still processing everything that you told him. Given some of the things you told him and the sheer amount of information (I'm assuming it's a lot since it took you 30 minutes), it's likely that not everything had a chance to sink in with him. Once you've both had some time to process everything and converse with each other about it you'll be able to have a more in-depth conversation with him and he'll be able to help you out with your feelings and bring about some closure.
     
    #4 killswitch0029, Aug 31, 2016
  5. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    I know how painful this can be. I loved my best friend when I was 16. But you've already done the best thing; you have told him about how you feel.

    And he must be a very good friend, because he understands what you're going through and wants to help you and talk about it.

    Talk about it with him. You are lucky that you can get these feelings out :slight_smile:

    Let us know how it goes, remember that you will feel better in the future.
     
    #5 WhiteShadows, Aug 31, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  6. TheChainedPegasus

    TheChainedPegasus
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    Thank you guys, even if it goes better, it's still great to have some support.

    However, I can't ask him to talk about it everytime, as my computer is in the living room and my family doesn't know anything about my sexual orientation.

    I don't know why, but I can't ask him to talk about it. I don't know why, it just happened to me this night, I thought about asking him, but couldn't force myself to ask him.

    Also, I don't know, if someday I manage to ask him, if I should tell him all the truth, even if it's shameful.

    Ugh, I hate being in love, tried to solve 2 times the problem, always came back differently.
     
    #6 TheChainedPegasus, Aug 31, 2016
  7. killswitch0029

    killswitch0029
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    Don't rush to talk to him about it right now. Take some time to let your nerves settle and for him to process what you've already told him so he can find a way to talk with you and help you through everything.

    I think you should be honest with him when you guys do eventually discuss things, that way he'll be able to fully understand your true feelings and help you bring about some peace with yourself.

    Good luck and keep your chin up (*hug*)
     
    #7 killswitch0029, Aug 31, 2016
  8. TheChainedPegasus

    TheChainedPegasus
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    Thank you very much for the support, I needed it.

    I'll try to talk with him Friday, I'm ready to talk, I'll just force myself to ask, because if I don't do it, I'll never do it.
     
    #8 TheChainedPegasus, Sep 1, 2016
  9. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Talk to him in person, just do it.

    Trust me, you will feel better afterwards.
     
    #9 WhiteShadows, Sep 2, 2016
  10. TheChainedPegasus

    TheChainedPegasus
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    Welp, Saturday, 4 AM.

    Did not had the balls to ask. He knew something was in the air, but I didn't say what. I told him I'd speak about it later.

    "Later" did not come as he went to bed because he was tired. I hate myself for being that stupid. I don't know when I will be able to talk with him about that.

    Also, I get strange things when I think about him and me. It's like there's nothing wrong, but I'm sad anyway, even if I don't really think that much about my problems.
    And I also can't seem to figure them out clearly, even if I know them.
    Did it happened to anybody here ? It's so strange.
     
    #10 TheChainedPegasus, Sep 2, 2016
  11. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    It is totally understandable to feel sad. You love someone very much, and even though you have him as a great friend, which you are happy for, it is normal to feel sad that you don't have more than just as friends.

    This year I met a guy I really liked who is bi, but I was too stupid to tell him I wanted to go out with him. So now we're really close friends but he has a girlfriend, and I guess that makes me pretty sad. So I kind of know how you feel. (*hug*)
     
    #11 WhiteShadows, Sep 4, 2016
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