So it's been over 5 months now after like just like a 3 hour relationship with this guy (crazy I know...) and therefore we never actually got the chance to meet up in person, which we planed to do in a week after we got together. So we were talking and it was great until I woke up the next morning to find that he blocked me/wouldn't reply to me. I was really comfused and I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered someone who told me like a week earlier that she'll always be there to talk to (I have like, well no friends). I told her about what happened and we agreed for her to message him, to see what happend. I later came back to find two people had messaged me, as I have above mentioned 'her' and 'him'. She sent me a bunch of screenshots of what she sent him and he replied: "It's not his fault, I'm having problems and I'm gonna be in a bad way for a very long time. It's not fair on him for me to involve him and it was really selfish of me. I didn't think about what I was doing, but I couldn't bring myself to let him down gently 'cause I do like him, but I know we're not gonna be able to make things work". She also suggested that he should speak to me about it, which he did. He basically said the same sort of things, "Hey, it wasn't your fault and I'm so sorry I got you involved, but I may not be able to cope in the next couple of months because I'm going through a lot of personal stuff and it's really selfish of me". Then I got loads of messages saying "A lot and I can't help it" which reminded me of once when it happened before when we was talking. I told him: "Hey it's okay, you know you can talk to me about it if you want to, you know..." which now looking back over it looks a bit strange. And then came the most recent words he has said to me, 25th April 2016: "I have people who are here for me and I don't think we're gonna be able to make it work just yet, at least not for a while. I don't want to do anymore damage, just forget about me, it's for the best and I hope you find the right guy who can give you all you deserve. You can stop sending me that whenever you want.... I know I can talk to you about it but I don't want to. Please just leave me to it for now." I left a short reply of: "Okay, I understand" which now I don't see why? I absolutely don't understand, I want him back yes, but more importantly I want him to be happy. She tried to make me fell better pointing out that he said "not yet" and stuff and well I could go on for days about this... His birthday is coming up on 9th September and I just plan to send him a "Happy Birthday" message, not knowing if he will ever receive it though, unless he replies. I would like to thank anyone still reading at this point as I feel that most people will think that I'm pathetic and that I should 'just move on'.
I think it takes a certain level of maturity to do what your boyfriend did. It may feel like the ground has suddenly fallen out beneath your feet, and that's totally normal. It's never easy leaving someone. But at some point you have to learn how to put the other person before yourself. Like your boyfriend told your friend: he likes you, but he's going through some things that he believes would damage your relationship with him; he's trying to protect you and put you first. He needs time to get his life together and figure things out. And you need to put him first by giving him the space he needs to sort this all out--even though your heart may say otherwise. It's tragic, and my heart goes out to you. Take as much time as you need to heal and to mourn if you have to. It's been two years and I'm still getting over my ex that I only dated for three months! So don't worry about time haha! And who knows, maybe things will work out in the end? Sometimes we meet people at the wrong place at the wrong time and things just don't work out. But I'm a big believer that love will find a way. If you're meant to be together, then it will happen at some point. Just give him some space right now and try to focus on your own life. You may even meet someone new in the mean time~ Also I think it would be alright if you said "Happy Birthday" to him. Just keep it short and concise. Don't try to start up any more conversation.
Jamo hiyah. YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC Breakups are never easy, but i'm sorry, this doesn't even count as one, if I understood correctly that you only spoke for 3 hours ?? My guess is that this is probably one of your first online contacts or something ? I really really understand how hard it is to let go. I myself am still suffering something similar, and it is not easy at all. But my advice to you is, get out there, find someone to talk to. I'm not saying fall in love, but you know, go have fun. maybe there's someone really near you who you see every day and who's just right for you ? It seems like your friend is having some sort of bad time. I don't know what the background is, how old he is, and if you chatted or talked or used webcam. whatever it is, he seems to be having a rough time. and he was really straightforward to you - well, after the mediation of your other female friend - and just told you what's up. I didn't have that privilege from someone whom I knew for 5 years then he just went poof. I think this guy pretty much did you a favour. I would take this gift and be happy. Tell him happy birthday or don't, but try to forget about him and not dwell on it. allow others to approach you and keep your eyes open, and do please do have fun, don't get fixated on what is gone. I'm here if you need to talk to someone as well P.s. a lot of the above is me talking to myself. W
First thought from my point of view, upon reading your post, is that you might 'simply' have been a sort of rebound affair for him and he never intended to hurt you, but you while you were never supposed to get hurt, he never expected you to have real feelings for him (from his point of view) given such a short 'hook up'/online meet up. If you want to wish him Happy Birthday, what can it hurt? But overall, yeah, you should probably just move on. For what it's worth...
I'm not trying to blame him in any way, as I said "I want him to be happy". And yes that 'giving him space' is exactly what I have been doing for the past 5 months. I just was like 'How can I when I'm not doing anything, I don't want him to suffer'. We talked for 3 hours as I mentioned yes, just messages and a picture each. We were sending daily messages for about a week before. He's 17 now. I have since sent him: "Happy birthday Jamie" on his birthday. To which he replied after 4 minutes with "thx"
Well it'd be easy to think you're pathetic, if I hadn't done the same kind of obsessing in the past. So don't worry, a lot of us have gone through this. I can't decide if he's being passive-aggressive and trying to get rid of you, or if he is into some other kind of self-delusional mind-fuck. I think, based on what you've written, that it's the former. If I have to vote, I'm going to vote in favor of forgetting that birthday message. Here's an idea. Try to find somebody else, most likely a platonic acquaintance, who has a birthday at around the same time and see if you can bring a little happiness into their life. It's a distraction, sure, but it'll do good. Also, on his birthday, take yourself out and do something really special for yourself. You deserve it.
I have to disagree a little with how faustian said that. To say that alot of us have gone through this, is just such an understatement I can remember when I first came here trying to get over my first crush 2 years ago... to this day... You see this same story play out time and time again... The most effective advice I think I can give you, do your best to move on....
