Well, hello, I suppose. I was just wondering if anyone was in a similar predicament and could provide some insight about this. As you've probably gathered from the title, I am questioning whether I should come out as a biromantic homosexual, or essentially mostly gay, to my family. To give you a sense of what they're like, I have a mother who is certainly not used to the idea of homosexuality but have not expressed any particular qualms with it, a father who is generally at least mildly intolerant of things like bisexuality and being agendered, and who could potentially be somewhat homophobic, and a sister who would certainly be accepting of me. My relationship with my parents is already on somewhat tenuous grounds, and I'm not sure it's worth the risk to tell them about this one aspect of my identity. It would be nothing but detrimental to our relationship, and I don't really see any need to tell them. I could tell my sister, I suppose, but then she would have to lie to my parents about it, and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to do that.
are you in a situation where you would be safe/secure in the event that the sh*t hits the fan with your parents? e.g. financial independence, somewhere to go to get away from them / to give them time to get used to it...
Ambivalence0219, if/when you Come Out to anyone is always up to you. Only YOU can decide if you are comfortable with Coming Out to any given person. If you want to consider Coming Out to your family members, you might think about making a list of all the pros and cons you can think of first. That might make it easier to make a decision. In your post above, you mostly just talk about cons against Coming Out to your family, so it kinda sounds like you're already leaning towards not Coming Out to them - at least right now. mangotree's comments are 100% on the mark and you should definitely take those into consideration. Since it sounds like things could go badly with your parents, you might want to consider just postponing Coming Out to them at least until you are out on your own. Heaven forbid that the worst case scenario occurs - your parents disown you and throw you out of the house - but it sounds like it is something you need to be prepared to deal with should it occur. Just some thoughts. Best of luck in whatever you decide! Stay strong and proud!
First, I apologize for posting this in the wrong place. I wasn't aware that there was a section specifically dedicated to coming out advice. Haha. You both raise good points. It is true, Quantumreality, that I was being close minded when I made that post. I was approaching the situation with an idea of what I was or was not going to do in mind, and I don't think I even considered telling my parents at all. While I don't think they would go so far as to throw me out, it is true that I would do well to have established myself more before breaking the news to them.
Ambivalence0219, I certainly would never describe you as close minded. You are dealing with a very tough, very emotional, and very personal issue that only a minority of the total population ever has to deal with in their lives. I would describe you as a thoughtful individual. You just need time and more input to make sure that you are confident in your decision if want to Come Out. That's part of what this site is for! And since you have some very real concerns about your parents, may I offer this? If you decide to come out to a friend or friends, you might ask yourself if you feel pretty sure that he/she/they will be accepting. Getting rejection right off the bat can be extremely depressing. Getting acceptance from a friend or friends gives you a support network that can help you through this journey as you work to understand, explore and accept your sexuality. Next you might ask yourself if you feel that you trust them to keep your secret and respect your right to only Come Out to others if/when YOU feel comfortable - regardless of whether or not they accept you or reject you after you Come Out? You've indicated that you most especially don't want word getting back to your parents at this time. Regardless, Coming Out to anyone takes a lot of courage because you are trusting someone else with very personal and private information about who you really are. You feel totally vulnerable in that moment. And while it is absolutely mind-wracking for anyone, the relief you get from acceptance by another person is a great morale booster. Just a couple more thoughts... Best of luck!
I should really start paying attention to my own threads. Haha. To respond to your post, QuantumReality, I should say that I have already made the leap to telling three of my close friends, but acceptance, and consequently confidentiality, on their part was essentially guaranteed considering that two of them are not completely heterosexual, and the other one is heavily involved in our school's LGBT community (she's one of the club presidents). Having three people with whom I can feel comfortable being who I am is definitely a great feeling, but I'm still disinclined towards broaching the subject with my parents. My friends seem convinced that my sister will be accepting, but I am still in the deliberation process about that.
Congratulations, Ambivalence0219! That was a very brave thing to do - even if you were assured of your friends' acceptance in advance! I'm so glad that you now have a support network of close friends with whom you can finally just be YOU! Yeah, sounds like you'll be in the closet to your parents for quite a while longer. Only Come Out to anyone when you feel comfortable. That includes your sister. It's nice that your friends believe she will be accepting, but don't let them pressure you into telling her. You have to be comfortable with the idea yourself. (And trust that she won't tell your parents, regardless of her reaction to your Coming Out.) Good luck in all things! Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
