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The Children of Their Guardian's Bickering

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by iiimee, Sep 5, 2016.

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  1. iiimee

    iiimee
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    I think the title alone should give you guys an idea that this a serious topic... I know it's not often talked about more than "Oh, my parents sucked" but I feel that something very specific affects people's development as they grow older, and that's their guardians or parents constantly yelling and/or arguing... I know not everyone had it as rough as me, but I want to know if anyone else lived in a household where all their parents or guardians did was argue. I did, and while I know I shouldn't blame everything on them, I know that if I hadn't had such a rough beginning to my life, I would have been mostly fine... and I'm not fine. I'm okay- I'm not suicidal or anything, but... I have scars that won't go away. I cry so often for no reason other than remembering what they did, and what I did because everything they've said... I have more self-worth now, but I used to feel like absolute trash because of when they yelled at me and each other... I think yelling is often overlooked, but it is a horrible form of abuse even when you're not directly being the one yelled at... I'm hardened to most yelling now- I even yell back, but... I guess I just want to see if anyone else here was ever in a situation where yelling and fights were 24-7... It's been ten years of yelling now, and I'm still sad... :help:
     
    #1 iiimee, Sep 5, 2016
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
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    Being in a domestic situation where parents/guardians are constantly yelling can, indeed, have lasting effects, like you say. It's hard to predict what, exactly, but people can eventually see yelling, or "arguments" in the active sense, as a normal and healthy way of communication and conflict resolution. This might spill over into that person's subsequent relationships in life (you mention that you're "numb" to it and that you yell in arguments yourself now).

    But, you've already realized that it has negative consequences, and started to realize the same pattern in your own behavior. While upbringings place us in a certain situation, they also don't doom us to staying in that situation, or at least not necessarily (depending on the upbringing). If you want to change your behavior in this regard, it might be worthwhile to look into seeing a counselor. They could help a lot in getting you to a place where you can recognize and address this even more, and I think when you remove yourself from that cycle of behavior and recognize it for what it is, it might have less of an effect on you in the first place. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Gravity, Sep 10, 2016
  3. iiimee

    iiimee
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    Thank you, but I guess I should clarify that I never yell at other people unless they're yelling at me, and even then, that's rare. :/ The only huge problems I seem to have is that I see things in a significantly more pessimistic, unempathetic light than most people, and that I have a physical loneliness, or basically I need to be touched that won't go away. :/ ...I've spent probably a solid thirty minutes trying to describe this latter issue in more detail, but I can't find a way to phrase it that doesn't make me sound like either a sociopath or a martyr, so... XD I'm sorry... I just can't go to therapy for this since I'm a minor, so I'd rather push some of my friends to give me whatever level of comfort they're willing to offer me, whether it be talking, giving me a hug, whatever... I don't feel emotionally lonely, but it seems that I can't see anyone as human unless they are making an actual attempt to get through to me, with either words or touch. :/ It's really hard for me to talk about this actually, since I fear that I'll be locked up or something for being this way... I could write more, but I really don't feel comfortable sharing my problems beyond this point... Thank you for listening. Please tell me if you have any questions.
     
    #3 iiimee, Sep 10, 2016
  4. kibou97

    kibou97
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    I've already kind of told you about this but up until around mid-december of last year, it was rare that I managed to go one day without having my parents yell at each other constantly. Now, I know my situation definitely wasn't normal, even for the standards of people who also have/had parents constantly yelling at each other, but I still also went through it. It's normal for people who go through this to end up having anger at others. Even now, I sometimes have issues with anger and I can't help but hate myself when those emotions come out. I know it's not the same loneliness but I remember there were times when it felt lonely, I would constantly question why I was going through this while most of my other friends had seemingly normal families. There was even a period where I was just constantly hating my life, I wasn't suicidal and didn't want to physically harm myself, I just sat and would constantly think about hating my life. It's good that you're recognizing the negative impact this has had on your life and behavior. I know I may have a more optimistic view of life now but If you ever need to talk or even just vent about this, you can always come to me and do it if you want to.
     
    #4 kibou97, Sep 10, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2016
  5. iiimee

    iiimee
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    But... I'm not angry at people outside of my family really... I just... don't get sad when they're sad, or happy when they're happy... I can relate to some degree, but only in a logical way... that's what scares me. That, and I have a physical loneliness. :/ Only when I am touched do I start feeling "normal"... Only then can I smile normally... Is this normal? My real fear is that, even if I am away from here for years and years, I still won't feel a connection with people anymore. That scares me, because I don't want to stand out more than I have to...
     
    #5 iiimee, Sep 11, 2016
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