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Need help to tell if someone is dropping hints (long story)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Plexe, Sep 6, 2016.

  1. Plexe

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    First of all,hi.I am new here so i am sorry if i posted in the wrong category.And also,sorry for the long story i really wanted to give all the details i could give:grin: .

    So,there's this guy who i've been classmates with for 2 years now,and weirdly i don't know very much about him.We're friends,but not close-friends.Recently our high school organized an "educational" summer camp where we got to spend a lot more time together.He is funny nice and caring,but i already knew these things.What i did find out tough was that he makes a lot of jokes that are kinda gay,like grabbing someone's balls,etc.I never really felt attracted to him,but now something happened and i kinda fell in love with him and i don't know if he is dropping hints on me or if he's suspecting something and trying to mock me.We were sleeping in different rooms the whole duration of the camp,so normally,we were supposed most of the time after midnight in different rooms,but in the last 4 days he started spending more and more time in my room,leaving only when he needed to grab something from his room or to go to sleep.I wanted to ask him if he wanted to sleep in my room,but all the beds were already occupied and i was also scared he would suspect something (i never came out to anyone,not even to my gay friend).One night we were on my balcony (me,2 of my roomates and him) smoking some cigs and i randomly said i am cold (13 celsius outside) when responded with "do you want me to hug you ?".I took it as a joke and said "fuck you,dude" and started laughing (of course i said fuck you as a joke too,i didnt insult him fr),after which he responded with "come on,i am feeling lonely",and again i took it as a joke.
    The next day we were downstairs drinking coffee (me,him and one roomate of mine) and my roomate started telling a story about something i can't remember rn.So,as any humans would do,everyone started telling stories.I was telling them about one time i was exploring an abandoned hotel and got caught by cops,almost breaking my leg.What i noticed during the time i was telling my story was that he was constantly making eye contact and smiling when i was looking towards him (i understand this might not be much of a point whatsoever :bang:slight_smile:.I got to the point where i was telling how the cop almost broke my leg while searching me,since they probably tought we were doing drugs in there and he was all like "omg,if i were you i would have sued him" , "they have no right to hit you" which made me think why was he trying to deffend me do much.During the last night,at the campfire,there was this girl we hang out with that just wouldn't stop following him (believe me,i know when a girl is in love,since i had girls fall in love with me,and she was clearly in love with him).So on our way to our rooms i asked him "why don't you make a move on her?" and he responded with "nah,we just get along well,nothing else" and keep in mind that this is a girl that is impossible not to want,she's pretty,funny,caring and really really nice to everyone (even i fell in love with her 1 year ago),and this was what made me suspect him.Finally,coming to my last moment of this story(thank god (!) ).We took one of those big touring busses when the camp was over and i was sitting next to one of my roomates and he was sitting next to one of his.Weirdly enough,he asked me if i want to come sit next to him (i was in love with him at this point) and i said yes immediately.Right before i fell asleep he asked me if i am cold because of the ac,since i was all shriveled up in my seat i said yes and he asked me if i want him to cover me with his hoodie and i said yes.He then kissed his hand and triend to touch my forehead (some kind of weird goodnight kiss?).I took this as a joke and said "fuck off" then we both started laughing.When got back to Ploiesti (the city where our school is) we went to a classmate's house to hang out a bit more.We all took our shirts off (this is a normal thing to do when at home with close friends in my country) and when he left he put on another shirt on and forgot his in my classmate's house,so he texted me and asked me if i could bring him his shirt.When i got downstairs he was sitting there smiling and just staring into my eyes.I said "here you go" and then he said a kinda sad "cya" and left.

    I'm not sure what to think since we talk about girls,he likes to say which girls he like and stuff like this and i don't know if he does this just because he is closeted or he's straight (i hope he's not:grin: ).I don't want to dismiss the possibility that he'a bi either.

    So,how should i approach this situation ? Is he dropping hints on me or is he just trying to be a good friend ? I want to ask him about this but i am afraid that he is straight and just laugh about me and tell the whole school i'm bi (i'm afraid of my parents' reaction,i can't give less fucks about what the people in my school will think).I don't want to force him to come out or anything i just wanna know if i should dump my feelings for him or not:help: .
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hi Plexe!

    Unfortunately, I think that the only way to know for sure if he returns your feelings would be to talk to him directly. As you know that would require you to Come Out to him. And that is YOUR choice alone. But if you are thinking about doing so, are you comfortable with Coming Out to him specifically? Would he respect your privacy and keep it to himself, regardless of his reaction? From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you have any confidence that he would keep your secret.

    His actions, as you described them, don’t strike me as indicating anything more than that he really likes you as a friend. If you step back and think for a moment, are you perhaps projecting the feelings you have for him and those that you wish he had for you on his actions? Instead of looking at those actions more objectively.

    Sadly, if you aren’t comfortable talking to him directly about your feelings, don’t you think it might be best to stop wasting time and emotional capital on something that is unlikely to happen? Don’t get me wrong, though, it sounds like the two of you could end up being good friends. Another approach to this is to go that route (being good friends) and just see if anything develops over time in terms of your romantic interest in him (and, potentially, his in you).

    Sorry if that wasn’t much help.:icon_sad:

    Best of luck! Take care!:slight_smile:
     
  3. WhiteShadows

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    I think the only real way of finding out is to come out to him and/or tell him you like him.

    From what I can tell "do you want me to hug you?" means he's into, at least as a friend. Next time, maybe instead of saying "fuck off", try going along with it and saying " sure!".
     
  4. Plexe

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    I was thinking about doing that,i think he will respect my privacy,it's just that i don't have the confidence.

    ---------- Post added 7th Sep 2016 at 12:00 PM ----------

    I would have said sure most definitely,problem is,we weren't alone and i didn't want my roomates to start suspecting me.
     
  5. Quantumreality

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    If you want to pursue this, you will have to summon up the courage to talk to him about it.
    You could look for any opening he might give you. For example, and this may seem a little silly, but you said he talks to you about girls he likes and stuff. Does he ever ask you who you like? If so, maybe when you are talking to him, you could ask "if you could date anyone in our school, who would it be?" (Or if you already know how he would answer that, maybe you could expand it to the town or the world, even.) Then, if you he asks you, you could answer "YOU!" and watch his face closely for a reaction. If it looks like he is going to be angry or take it badly, you could just laugh and play it off as a joke. Otherwise, it might give you the opening you need to Come Out to him and ask him if he might like you the same way...

    Or maybe that gives you an idea for a completely different way to approach him..?

    Just a thought.

    Good luck!:slight_smile:
     
  6. Plexe

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    Yes,he does ask me who i like,and we mostly like the same girls,he even likes the girls i've been with.Even tough we usually talk about girls he brings up guys sometimes as well,therefore why i don't want to dismiss the probability of him being bi.I am gonna come out to him when the best moment comes,which will be when i get completely over him (i got a girlfriend 2 days ago and i don't really feel attracted that much to him anymore) since i am probably scared of a rejection and that subconsciously keeps me from getting the confidence needed.
    Anyway,thanks for you advice everyone :grin:
     
    #6 Plexe, Sep 7, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016