First of all, I would like to say I am glad to have found Empty Closets. I read the supports and the sharing among the members. You know that it is not easy to find someone to talk to who can understand what we have to go through. Nevertheless, I consider myself pretty lucky because my coming out experiences are quite positive ride: (so far - knock on wood). I am in a steady relationship with my girlfriend for almost 10 years (we are in our early 30s), but still having it difficult to sort of accept myself and come out to people. I am out to my siblings and few friends. I came out after my girlfriend confronted me for staying in the closet. We live abroad and are basically friendless. One of the main reasons is because we are not truly out to people. It creates this barrier to start any potential meaningful friendship with other people. She has no issue with telling other people about our relationship. I am the one who is uncomfortable to do so. I know that I should not be bothered by others' opinion, but I cannot help it. Last night, we fought again over this thing. She told me that I am selfish for letting her do the work while I am just back riding. I understand her frustration and it has come up quite often over the course of our relationship. She told me that I am too arrogant to ask for professional help and think too highly of myself. She is not completely wrong. I think that I have been living in denial for so long and have not fully accept who I truly am (it is weird that when I am typing this post, I can kinda see my issue from fresh perspective, but I often fail at following it through ). If anyone here has experienced similar situation and care to share your own experience. Any advise on how to overcome this fear of being my true self are welcome.
There are a few things I could think of in terms of meeting people, and so on, but it sounds like the real obstacle is the fact that you're not comfortable coming out, so I'll speak to that. This is a tricky one, because on the one hand coming out is something very personal that nobody should be forced to do before they really want to. On the other hand, "ready" and "comfortable" aren't always the same thing, and sometimes we can hold ourselves back due to our own nerves, comfort with our comfort zone, etc. So, if this is something that you want to do, for yourself, and just don't know how to get started or motivated, then great. But if you're truly, truly not ready and this idea fills you with a sense of dread every time you consider it, then pushing yourself to do it for her sake may not be the best idea. So, what do you feel like your motives are? You've already hit on one solid idea, which is seeing a counselor about this. It could be a great way to start the process, since of course it's private and bound by law to stay that way. Perhaps it would help you to explore your own motivations and goals in coming out as well.
