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How to deal with a messy and egoistic roommate

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by NightWalker, Sep 7, 2016.

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  1. NightWalker

    NightWalker
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    Well, the title says it all! To sum it up, I've been living with a roommate (who also happens to be my best friend of 8 years) for more than a year now. I always knew she was kind of reluctant on doing weekly chores, very lazy and messy to the point of being unsanitary. But before I signed the lease of our actual apartment with her I saw that she had matured and was more careful about her environment. At least that's what I thought, cause a little after our moving last summer, to my strong disappointment, she went even worse than before.

    Now, I know I'm not a saint myself, but usually when it comes to the relationship with one or more roommate(s) I'm very careful to be the most considerate and respectful as possible, such as making sure I don't make too much noise past bedtime, clean my stuff so it doesn't stay in anybody's way, ask before inviting strangers to my place so it doesn't bother, etc... Sadly, it's far from being her case because the only person she ever cares about (well most of the time) is herself. While I always spend hours cleaning after her mess, especially when she cooks, she just stays doing nothing on her part in the apartment even though I talked to her about my problems numerous times. nothing seems to work. We tried to establish rules, but she doesn't respect them even though they were logical and very simple.

    The point is, I'm not here to rant or to insult my best friend, but to really seek advice because I know damn well I'm not the only one in the same position. But really, how do you deal with that? Because right now, this whole thing is bringing to me a lot of unnecessary anxiety, resentment and deep anger. I tried to just let it all go, act as if nothing is wrong but to me it's just impossible. It's now even come to a point where I begin to call our friendship into question. Any tips?

    Much thanks to you all, have a good night.

    Nw-
     
    #1 NightWalker, Sep 7, 2016
  2. blightedsight

    blightedsight
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    Go to the pet shop. Buy two mice. Release them in your housemates room. Explain they are attracted to the filth and squalor. Housemate hopefully cleans, regularly. Recapture mice. Release in a nearby park.
     
    #2 blightedsight, Sep 7, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  3. NightWalker

    NightWalker
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    @blightedsight I never thought about such a funny idea! I probably won't do that, but you certainly made my night much better because of a good laugh. Thank you! :grin:
     
    #3 NightWalker, Sep 7, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  4. blightedsight

    blightedsight
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    You're welcome.
    Sadly I don't have any real advice because this kind of behaviour is incredibly difficult to break:frowning2:
     
    #4 blightedsight, Sep 7, 2016
  5. Crukie

    Crukie
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    Hey NightWalker!

    Sorry about your situation; I can relate first hand to what you're going through as I just moved out of a house that housed 9 other boys last week (thank god we somehow all had our own bathrooms haha). Things got really gross sometimes, to say the least! I personally shared a kitchen in the basement with two other boys who were both EXTREMELY unable to clean up after themselves. At points, it almost seemed like they were trying to compete to see who could make a bigger mess of the kitchen in one night! Not to mention, my next door roommate would always talk SO LOUDLY on the phone for hours after midnight while I was trying to get some precious zzz's before my 8am classes the next morning. On top of that, my other basement roommate just happened to love bringing over his friends to play videos games at around the same time after midnight for hours on end making even more noise! Unfortunately, however, I did not end up speaking up to either of them.

    So I am writing this to tell you not to do what I did! You mentioned that you tried to talked to her about this issue: I would try to be a bit more firm with her and perhaps try to get your landlord involved if the issue does not get solved. I totally get all the stress, anxiety, and anger you're feeling. Sometimes I did not even want to leave my room for a glass of water because I knew the kitchen would be a disaster.

    Hope things get better! I'll be rooting for you~
     
    #5 Crukie, Sep 7, 2016
  6. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

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    It seems like you've already tried your best. Unfortunately in situations like this, the only solution is for you to move out. It is a hassle to move for many reasons I'm sure, but it will be worth it. Your friendship with her will deteriorate quickly as well if you keep up this living arrangement. I'm sure she can be a great person as a friend, but just not great to live with.
     
    #6 AlmostBlue, Sep 8, 2016
  7. NightWalker

    NightWalker
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    @Crukie Hey! Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry for what you went through in your previous home. Room, flat or house sharing can be a bit of a bummer especially when your mates don't respect your space. My situation is a bit more complicated since my roommate is also my best friend so involving the landlord would be sure to damage my friendship with her more than it already is. Last week, not having found any other solution, I just wrote her a letter explaining all my feelings firmly but respectfully. After that we got to explain things better and we both acknowledged that something was wrong. My roommate is just really hard to live with and I know I can be at times, too. For now, things have gotten a bit better. I just hope it can last!

    ---------- Post added 12th Sep 2016 at 09:57 AM ----------

    @AlmostBlue Thanks for your reply! I don't know how much more time we'll be able to live together but, for sure, next time I rent an apartment, I'll be on my own hehe!
     
    #7 NightWalker, Sep 12, 2016
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