Okay so I'll make this fast. My boyfriend is going to a Beyoncé concert this weekend with his cousins and he's gonna be about 4 hours away and he was talking to me at breakfast that he was going to be drinking and I have a problem with this. I do not like alcohol due to my parents alcohol abuse as well as some other problems. He knows how uncomfortable I am with him drinking when he's with me and so I am extremely uncomfortable with him drinking so far away. I just don't like it and I don't want to be with someone who drinks like that. He told me if I could give him a good reason he wouldn't drink but I don't have a good reason other than it makes me uncomfortable because people get dumb when they're drink. What I'm asking is am I being unreasonable or is it okay to ask him to not drink because I know he can have fun without it.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. I don't drink either. However, you also need to realize that you can't change him. This might be a deal-breaker for you, I don't know. You also shouldn't project your fears from your childhood onto him. Many people are able to drink without it causing a problem in their lives. I don't know either of you so I don't know if his drinking is a real problem or not. But it seems to be a problem for you. Maybe you need to find a guy who shares the same thoughts on alcohol as you.
This is a pretty complicated issue. On one hand he has every right to drink as long as he is over 21, but on the other hand he should really listen to you too. If he really enjoys drinking you will probably have to accept that he enjoys that as a part of who he is, and if that is a deal breaker for either you or him, you may need to sit down and have a serious discussion about it. Not drinking is of course always the healthier choice and while I do enjoy it, I would never drink around someone who is uncomfortable with it. The bottom line, though, is that you can't control other people. Would it maybe be possible for you to find a good compromise on this, where neither of you will feel uncomfortable or grow resentful? Perhaps you could make a deal where he could drink on occasions like this but not around you?
In this case, I think both of you should be able to respect each others' needs and preferences, and not just him adjusting to your needs. It is entirely possible to enjoy some light drinking without it causing any harm or significant change in behavior. I understand that drinking is a sensitive issue for you, and your boyfriend definitely should take that into account. However, telling him that he can't drink at all whatsoever seems excessive. It is understandable to ask him not to drink while out with you perhaps, but you should also be able to respect his needs. Have you also spoken to a therapist about your issue with alcohol? I think this phobia of alcohol might be something you can try to work out as well. Drinking some alcohol and being an alcoholic are two completely different things.
Hey AlexGreen242! I can relate to your story here very closely, as my ex boyfriend (who lived 3 hours away towards the end of our relationship) was also very keen on drinking/partying/clubbing. This scared the crap out of me 1) Because he was so far away and I felt helpless 2) He was a touchy-feely guy who got along with everyone. Just the thought of it was enough to bring pain to my chest and stop me from sleeping at night. So I constantly told him that I disliked his drinking and partying habits and that he should just learn to have fun without them. Well, as I said in my own recent thread (Getting over him (a long story)), he did end up falling in love with someone else, his best friend, at a party when his friend kissed him while drunk. And I remember it felt so painful as all my fears had become a reality. Like others have mentioned here, you may need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend since you have clearly stated that his drinking is a serious problem for you. Understand that you will not be able to change him. He is who he is and if you want to continue this relationship with him, then you need to accept him, or leave. You need to come to the realization that this problem you have with his drinking is only a problem to YOU; It isn't a problem to HIM. You are projecting your past childhood fears and current insecurities onto him . However, that does not mean that your boyfriend should just ignore your concerns and worries. Part of any good relationship is communication and compromise. So you need to have a heart to heart conversation and express that his drinking is a concern to you, not him and that you need his help to deal with it. Ideally you two can work together to find a compromise that satisfies both of you. I think it may also be worth analyzing the reasons you feel worried about his drinking: 1) Is it because what you experienced with your parents? or 2) Is it because you're scared about what he may do while he is drunk and you're not around?
Hello, fellow methyphobe here. My Dad used to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic, but finally came clean and became a great Dad after professional help. It took me a long time to forgive and I still don't like when people drink alcohol. So I understand. However, there has to be compromise on both parts. If you're uncomfortable being around someone who drinks, that's fine and you should state that. But I think if he's not going to be around you....it shouldn't be a huge issue unless he DOES have a serious problem with alcohol. Unfortunately, we can't force people to go teetotal. But if it bothers you, have a discussion about why, and see if he can be trusted to control himself.
