Hi, I'm only going to give a little backstory because there's just so much (you can look at most of my previous posts to get a full look on my situation) but.... After coming out to a gay kid at my new high school last year who was gay to and who I love so much and being rejected by him and blocked on Facebook etc, I became very depressed which my parents noticed. I decided to come out to them because they kept asking me what was going on and they reacted horribly to me being gay. I ran away from home for a few hours. In light of this new "choice" I made, my parents withdrew me from my elite all-boys boarding school because being around guys made me gay apparently. So now I have been kicked out of my home and live with my equally homophobic aunt in New England, in a tiny town of 8,000 people. My parents now longer allow me to wear skinny jeans or anything that can be construed as "gay". I really want a boyfriend or at least someone who's gay to be around. However, I have several issues: First, how is anyone going to know I'm gay if I'm not even dressed in a way that can be perceived as gay? I know it's just a stereotype for a small portion of the gay community but still, straight people generally do not wear tight pants and bright colored shirts with lots of bracelets. I am a feminine person and I enjoy dressing like that because it feels right and gay people notice that I too am gay. Now I wear dull, straight fit jeans with dull shirts and there is 0 chance anyone will know I'm gay. Second, how on earth am I going to find a guy? I can't use dating apps because my aunt will not let me go meet a random person obviously, and so far in the first week at school I haven't noticed any gay guys. Does anyone have some advice?
I am concerned and very sad about what has happened to you. It sounds completely awful. I hope some of the younger EC members can come up with some good ideas for you and give you some advice. I see from looking over some of your earlier posts that some already have responded to you. I remember the facebook blocking episode in your prior school that you wrote about. I hope that the younger EC members will continue to help you out. It seems to me the only tool you have at your new school is to just openly come out and tell people you are gay. No skinny jeans or chains required. However, I think we'd have to know quite a bit more about that new school. I wouldn't worry about the small town so much. I live in a small town somewhat removed from a nearby larger one, and I can tell you there are plenty of people like you in small towns. The adults around you should act more like adults, but unfortunately that is apparently beyond your control.
Hi JAA1297, First of all, I just want to express my deepest condolences to you. What you're going through is completely unfair. There's nothing justified in what your parents and aunt are doing. You're brave for confessing your feelings to your high school love. You're brave for confessing who you are to your parents. What you did is be true to yourself. And you should be proud of that. However, we cannot control how others react. And I hope that one day, we can live in a world where being true to yourself does put you in a situation like you and many LGBT people face daily. You had to come out and risk losing everything OR hide and be dependent on people who do not accept who who you are-- what a terrible fate. I cannot put into words how unfair and how frustrating this is. I'm going to be real with you here: Life is hard; life will beat you down; life does not give us what we want. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson so early on in life. Nonetheless, you are still here. And you have to make the best with what you've got. But when you do make it through this, when you get home from work one day and see your loving husband' smile, I want you to remember this: I was true to myself; and look where I am now. I want you to look in a mirror and remember the day that you came out to your parents and the day you ran away. Then I want you to look in a mirror and reassure yourself "I'm still here." Now, to your current situation. What I want you to focus on right now is yourself. You said you are in high school right? Focus on your studies. Join clubs. Be a part of your community. Make friends (they don't have to be gay necessarily). Figure out what you love to do, because that will take you further than anything or anyone in life. When you align yourself with who you are and what you are passionate about, people who are meant to be in your life will naturally come. Just trust me on this. My thoughts are with you; stay strong and stay proud.
I unfortunately cant think of much to say here, besides the obvious. I am going to state the obvious though. I am sorry this happened to you. I always like to use the phrase "this too shall pass," but the popular one today seems to be, "it gets better." I have not yet come out, for fear of a response similar to this. You are not alone. I assume you previously wore bright shirts and all? If so did they get tossed or just put up? Might try carrying a different t shirt and jeans in your bookbag/backpack and changing... it sucks, but just because they dont want you to be you, doesnt mean you dont get to be you... If you dont still have your clothes, maybe you could save up and buy a few without them knowing... idk if you can drive or get out to a store without supervision... Sorry if i am way off base here, just thought I would try and add to your little brainstorming session...
Thanks to everyone for their advice! I think I probably will end up coming out at my school, but so far I didn't notice anyone who could be gay so even if I am out at school, I'm probably not going to find anyone else gay. But I guess trying new stuff out at school and meeting new people will help me to get better. I've just been really upset over everything that's happened to me and it's kinda hard to move forward when I'm so upset about everything
Hi JAA1297, Sorry to hear what you are going through. It baffles me that parents can do so hamr much to their children without thinking about the effect it has. Urgh, the all-boys school thing - how stupid people are. I don't really have much to add, I think Crukie's suggestion about clubs and making new friends is a good idea. If I might suggest something for you to consider - you might be focusing on having a boyfriend too much. I know how valuable that would be to you, I've been single for a long time (and my only relationship was a disaster) but if you focus on making friends and getting to know people then you might find that you can talk to them about it. Your friends don't have to be gay for you to be able to speak to them about things (although they would understand more). I've found some of my friends very supportive in difficult times (mainly girls, some what stereotypically, as straight guys can find it a bit awkward). Obviously, I'm assuming your new school is mixed and if this piece of advice doesn't feel right then feel free to ignore - I just think that you might be expecting too much of yourself so quickly after a traumatic move to a new place. Again, I'm so sorry at the way you have been treated - I hope your parents will come round but if they don't I hope you don't ever blame yourself or think you should have acted differently. Your parents are responsible for their own behaviour and they have behaved abominably towards you. I hope you can make the most of your new school - we are all rooting for you here.
