Ok, this is mostly just so I can vent my feelings and emotions, and it will probably be long, but oh well. Today I was volunteering at a stand at a local Italian festival stocking beers, wines, and sodas, and about 30 mins in, this really cute Italian guy (about the same age as me; I think :lol comes over with his family. His parents order something and then they just move over to the side of the booth and stay there for basically the rest of the time I was volunteering there. The guy kept looking at me and every time I looked at him he would look away. I would also catch him stealing glances at me and he caught me staling glances at him a few times too. I really hope I wasn't reading him wrong in that he was just looking at me because he was bored, because if not, this would have been the first time a guy has flirted with me (that I have noticed :lol. Now I just can't get over him. I didn't even get to talk to him, but I for some reason feel very strongly about him. Idk if it was the fact that I think he liked me or what, but now that I'm home, he's the only thing I can think about. I am also like super sad now because I don't think I will ever see him again, and there are like no gay guys (single at least) at my school so this could have been my one chance to get a boyfriend. I have just been slumping in my chair caught up with what could have been, and I don't think it's healthy for me to think like this. Things might have become complicated though in that I'm not even out to my family yet because I'm still not sure how they would feel about it. I was always like their "perfect" child that always lived up to the expectations they gave me with straight As, all honors and AP classes, multiple extracurriculars, being on the high school soccer team etc. and one of those expectations is that I am a straight guy. We are already fairly sure that my brother is gay (hasn't come out, but I haven't met a single person that thinks he's straight) and I just don't want to disappoint them with another gay child. Then there's my church that I am heavily involved in that thinks being gay is a sin and that it is disgusting and immoral and that it is just a temptation given to us by the devil. I feel like they make it a point to say it at least once every other week we have youth group. I feel like since I have gone there ever since I was born, it would be really hard for me to just stop going there, especially since our youth group has slowly been loosing people and we are only down to 4-5 teens. I feel obligated to go, and it's just a never ending loop of me wanting to leave, but not really being able to. The only saving grace is that my parents go to a different church so I could possibly say that I'm going with them on Sundays, but I still wouldn't have an excuse for other activities as well as a lot of the teens in my youth group are in several of my classes so it would be awkward after that. Idk. I am just caught in a tight spot right now. I am nominated to be on homecoming court this year so that's a good thing, although that's about the only good thing I have going for me right about now. :icon_sad: I'm sorry this got so long and got off topic, but I have a lot on my chest right now that I have no where else to vent it too. The friends I have told I'm gay to aren't really super close friends (I know that sounds weird, but I knew they would be ok with it so I told them) and it would probably be annoying to them to listen to everything I just said when they don't even really care. So any advice would be appreciated. ~St0rm
