Hey, well I really like this guy hes in the 10th grade and im in the 12 grade, I dont have any classes with him, and I cant really talk to him. The only time I see this guy is int he morning and at lunch for a few minutes. Hes kind of a jock a basket ball player, I really love his smile and from what I have seen of his personality. I was wondering can you share some ways in which I could start talking to him or maybe become his friend without him thinking that im maybe trying to hit on him or something. Im not out to the school but I think people do think im gay(pretty sure). I really like him and would like to atleast become his friend somewhat before I graduate. Please Help me
You need to find a connection and show you are interested in something similar. Maybe go for one of his games or see if he is taking a class you have already taken. Maybe he has some mutual friend. You could even ask "dumb questions" like if he is on the basketball team as an ice breaker and then later try and always say hi and do basic chit chat friends would do. Also, you need to find out if he is straight so you can avoid crushing hard (and hopefully keeping the friendship). Also, try finding other groups he's a part of so you see him more often.
Similar to what was previously written, I would try to find a common topic that you can break the ice with or a mutual friend to help form a connection. Ask him what he thought of a recent basketball game, or how you might improve at something he knows about. Let him be the expert - everyone likes to be asked about something they care about. For a sophomore to be asked for advice by a senior could raise eyebrows so be careful - don't be surprised if he's a little intimidated by the difference in grades. Also keep in mind that you're just more mature and he may not even know himself as well as you know yourself, so if he seems to not realize that you're interested in him more than the topic, don't be offended. And as hard as it might be, just smile and be yourself. If you get an opportunity, see how he maintains eye contact with people around him. Lingering eye contact is often an indicator of interest, and you can also see facial expressions that show extra interest. Ah...high school crushes. I still remember mine well, and even today I don't think there are any easy answers for those feelings.
No, well now that I think about it we have one mutual friend as the person is a really really good friend of his. They guy I like also talks to my bestfriend sometimes.
Perhaps you can work it out where you can hang out with him along with a mutual friend or two a couple of times and then maybe see if he'd want to hang out with just you sometime - but you'd want to find something you have in common with him hobbies or interests or something along those lines that you both like, as resu said. Oh, and you could think about discretely inquiring about his hobbies and interests from your mutual friends in the meantime... And, as Patrick7269 said, you have to be prepared if he is uncertain/wary of you from the standpoint of the social ladder since you are two grades ahead of than him. If he hangs out with you, he may think of you more like an older brother, so don't get your hopes up too quickly. But if you can't establish a friendship first, there's not really any chance of having a shot at any other relationship, don't you think? I don't know it this helps... Take Care!
I will try but we are kind of apart of different social groups. My bestfriend(R) other bestfriend(B) is friends with the guy I like(J). Me and B socialize and share conversations because of R most of the time.
That's why it's important to establish direct interaction with J and determine if you have things in common to establish your own friendship outside of the group - maybe there is even a hobby or interest that he might also be interested and want so share with you. He plays basketball - can you shoot hoops enough to feel comfortable inviting him to play a game of HORSE or even 1 on 1? If that makes sense to you... Good Luck! Take Care.
Im just becoming really stressed and depressed about all of this. Im starting to hate being gay as its so hard. ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2016 at 09:49 PM ---------- Well I would play a little with my cuzins but I dont think im good enough at all to play a game with him lol
What about playing HORSE or whatever name you like? You know, where you each take turns statically shooting from spots on a semicircle around the basket and each time someone misses a shot, they get a letter until someone loses by getting the whole word? ... If I explained that clearly enough. (If not, you can Google 'basketball game HORSE.')(Specifically, the variation called Around the World.) So, why is this stressing you out? Or is there more going on that is making you hate being gay?
Its just that everything that comes with being gay at times. There is no way that I can set up something like HORSE with him. I hate that its always straight guys that I fall for, and then the people in the gay community all have this specific type of person they are looking for and most of the time is masc. Idk, I think the dating aspect is stressing me out.
Hey Boydare, Did you look up the variation "Around the World"? It's not about trick shots, just straight shooting... Here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variations_of_basketball See Around the World There is somebody for everybody out there. You just have to keep looking. Are you going to college? And even straight guys can have a hard time with dating. They are not guaranteed by any means that the girl they have a crush on is either straight or even returns their romantic interest.
Most colleges have an LGBTQ group or Gay-Straight Alliance, which can be a good way to socialize and start meeting people. The point is to keep trying.
I wish I could get over it, im tired of living with this constant sadness/pain everyday thinking of something that will never be possible. I just recently got over one straight guy and that took years, but when I see him feelings still return. Im pretty much tired of this whole thing if only I didnt have so much pride.
Boydare, You're young. Crushes will come and go. Try to remember that that is your heart speaking when you feel that longing for someone you can't have. But doesn't your head offer more practical advice? You have to listen to both your heart and your head to have balance in your life. But in this case, you still haven't even tried to approach him yet, right? I guess my bottom-line question would be: What do you have to lose by at least making an effort to become his friend? Tale Care.
Boydare, I remember feeling the way you feel. It's not an easy place to be because you may be getting a sense that your life will be different from straight folks. You won't be living according to a script and this can be really liberating and scary at the same time. You'll be creating your life entirely on your terms, and this can at first feel lonely. It's normal that you want to be with someone, but you may want to focus on yourself right now. Get into hobbies, do social clubs, go out for sports, play music. Read, think, and be yourself. No matter what, be yourself and be glad that you are you. By the way, this self-confidence will attract the right guy. The hard feelings for me sometimes come (still, at age 43) when I get trapped into thinking that there's a way I "should" live my life. For example, when I start feeling like I "should" have a boyfriend or partner, I immediately start to feel inferior because I don't. Or in my case specifically, my heterosexual script would have been to marry and have kids - so, when I think that I "should" have a wife and kids, I can get really scared because I compare myself and think "what the <bleep> have I done?" The only correct answer is that I chose my own way apart from mainstream society says "should" be so. You're going to make so many choices, just get comfortable with it. You will make some good choices, some not so good, but alway love yourself and never compare yourself to others or think of how you "should have been". As for your friend, what have you got to lose by telling him something? You could say something simple like that it brightens your day when you see him. Or that he has a great personality, or he looks great. Those kinds of compliments aren't too heavy, they're sincere, and they get across that you're fond of him. On the other hand if you feel you _must_ disclose the full range of your feelings, then do so with caution. But if it's weighing on you act on it somehow. It will be one of those choices that you actively make rather than passively let life hand you something you didn't choose. Please let us know how it goes! We're cheering for you. *warm hugs* Patrick Seattle, WA
