Okay not sure if this thread is in the right place but here it goes. So I went to Pride for the first time this year and I went with my friend P (gay) and his two friend (S & J for naming purposes both lesbian.) At this point I'm a closet lesbian married to a man and passing off as bi (but I didn't I'd truly as that). So we're at Pride when S saw a cute Ally couple holding hands and watching the parade. Then I hear her make this comment, "Ugh. I don't get why straight people come to this. This is for gays only and if they did come they should just sit in the back where they belong." J agreed saying it's a historical right and should have told them they can't be in the parade. P didn't say anything. I was mortified. And furious. How DARE they say that?! My best friends are straight and I have a lot of Ally friends! I mean here we are celebrating all kinds of love and they want to discriminate against straights? It made my blood boil. So I calmed down and I kept my mouth shut. Why? Because I was still in my stupid damn closet. I knew they would have jumped on me saying I wouldn't know what it's like etc..and I get the feeling that if I did come out they would have called me a poser. So I came home and I felt awful I didn't stand up for my friends. Terrible! Luckily I have a few good lesbian friends who said that was not cool. So my question is this. I'm coming out ( mostly eveyone knows) and if I see S and J should I bring it up? Or wait until it happens again? Im not close to them at all but I am close to P. And I have very few lgtbq friends since being in the closet and raised to be straight. But I just think that's wrong. I dunno...what do you guys think?
This is a difficult situation. Even if they -did- have a point, there's still the fact that gay/bi people can be closeted and posing as straight. They might come to pride to take baby steps for acceptance. How can you tell if someone is straight or not? I can somewhat understand the frustration of seeing opposite sex PDA in LGBT spaces, since same sex PDA is not allowed anywhere else. At the same time though, segregation won't help the community much. I don't want to live in a society where straight people remain ignorant and homophobic, but they will if we don't give them any awareness or involvement.
"Ugh. I don't get why straight people come to this. This is for gays only and if they did come they should just sit in the back where they belong." The reason we treat straight people with respect, for one example: In 2009, 53% of voters in the State of Washington came to the polls and voted* against an effort by conservatives to defeat a legislative bill making domestic partnerships/civil unions legally equivalent to marriage. This directly led to the legalization of same-sex marriage in 2012, because it provided the political mandate for the legislature to act. This happened, because many open minded "straight" people decided that fairness required an end to discrimination. A number of conservative groups, several out-of-state, had pushed rollback legislation in the past, and this one last time. One problem with identity politics is that the negative stereotypes can target and disrespect people who are allies. The remarkable shift in public opinion on this issue in the United States could not have happened, without straight people modifying their views and changing their opinions. This is the result of persuasion. Some people, who will accept nothing less than 100.000% victory, are not satisfied until the last living bigot is dead. This is impractical. To sway the majority is to ensure victory in the long run. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washington_Referendum_71#Election_results https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_Washington_state
Thanks for the response so far I'm glad to see people care about my issue. However I'm still in the dark and I understand how delicate this issue is. I'm torn. I fought so hard to come out that I don't ever want to be restrained in another box a status quo of if I'm gay then I must get mad and upset with straight/ally. Even though some of them hurt me I know not all of them hate gays and I think it does little god to "give them their own medicine". I live by this quote "an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind."
You are right to feel annoyed, it was an outrageous comment. Pride is for everyone connected with and in support of the LGBT community. We fought (and continue to fight) for full equality and we need all of the allies we can muster. We don't win the fight for equality by excluding people or telling them to "sit in the back where they belong". I will walk right at the front with any straight ally. Don't be afraid to speak out if you hear crap like this again.
Thank you for the support. I'll speak a little louder next time I hear that. Allies need to know they are a positive group to have and make so much of a difference.
Sadly, prejudice occurs in all communities - I'd agree with PatrickUK that next time you hear just calmly say what you think - i.e. that being prejudiced against straight people at a Pride event demonstrates ignorance of the fact that straight people are support the queer community (or whatever you actually think, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, I was just illustrating). If it bothers may be speak to you friend P about it and just say it bothered and why. Then if it does happen again he'll be able to back you up. Hope you are feeling better. Don't worry about not saying anything - I never know what to say when people use 'gay' to mean crap.
Hi! I'm doing my best to be an ally. Still learning how I can best do that, and looking within myself to figure out what things about me I need to change. For the record, I'd definitely like to feel welcome at any LGBT+ event. I definitely have an opinion on this matter, but I'm here to hear. It's been alluded to in the comments above, but I'm curious to hear more details as to why an ally wouldn't be wanted at a Pride event. Can somebody please expand on this? Thanks
Thank you so much for the advice. P asked if everything was alright and I didn't want to be rocking the boat since I'm still kinda new to the community. But since I'm a lot more comfortable I can probably be up front. Hi film making ally! Welcome and it's great having allies here on EC! By just being on here and asking questions you're doing amazing so far! Unfortunately I do not know S & J well and this is my first impression of them. Not really sure why they have such prejudice since P hangs out with as many Allies as LGBTQ so he's not the type just to hang with bigots. Maybe they like to party I dunno. I like to put it to experience. If youre gay or other and had been made fun of, kicked out, bullied, lost friends it can have a negative outlook or image. Especially when you can't hold your s.o hand in public but these guys can (mind I'm seeing more acceptable people). So some people might feel that the one tI me where lgbtq people can come together must only be an exclusive thing and something we must hold ourselves higher to. In the past, this pride was actally protests and the riots in response to a large arrest in new york (sorry if not accurate). So it does hold a significance for our rights. But we chage, and we adapt! Now it's a celebraton on how far we have come in acceptance and tolerance and we need to include allies on that. How morbid would it be if we made straight people unaccepted and feel how we feel? I'd never want to do that. So, know that while there are good and bad people out there that are straight, there are good and bad people out there that are lgbtq. I hope that helps filmmakerally
