Ex Bully Is Now The Only Straight Guy I Trust? Thoughts? Please Reply I Need Advice

Hi,

So let me give you a bit of context real quick, 3 years I was being bullied for being gay by this group of boys in my grade. This resulted in me slitting my wrists, and a severe depression. I had then met up with the deputy principal secretly and discussed the situation in depth, we then had a meeting with all the boys in which they each signed a contract with a school that if they bully me or anyone else in the school they will be expelled. They each apologized individually and everything went back to normal, they didn't do anything to me and vice versa.

Then a year later, on the 7th of May, another group of boys in another grade hung out with.. lets just call the first group Luca's Group and the second group Fabio's group. So Fabio's group were hanging with Luca's group, and I had walked passed their group to the tuck shop to buy me something to drink, and Fabio's group started to mock me, once again. I pretended that I didn't notice and just made a B-Line to my friends, who noticed that I was shook and upset, so I told them what had happened and they started to march to Fabio's group to defend me- because I'm to afraid to defend myself/ Don't know how). I begged them not to and eventually after a ton of convincing they dropped it and just cheered me up.

Later that day, at 3:51pm, Luca - one of the boys who had bullied me the most the previous year - sent me a message. I'll be copying the exact message here:

"Hey Jason , i got your cell from Rachel. I just wanted to apologise to you about the grade 9's laughing again today. It just really annoyed me because ... well i cant be in your shoes ... but i can relate to you i a way and i dont know why but i feel like i have to give you an apology. Sorry if this is a bit weird but i feel better just telling you. Dont take what those idiots do or say to heart, they are just being stupid like i was being last year. We told them to keep quiet but obviously they wouldnt so we just got up and left. Anyways have a nice evening bro. Luca"

and I replied with:

"Hey, it's not weird at all, I really appreciate that you told them to stop, walking away was the right thing to do, I have been having some issues with the grade 9's from last year already and it's been tough. It's nice to know that you guys have changed for the better, thank you for caring that much about me. At least I know that I've got somebody looking out for me.
Thank You"

and he replied with:

"Its my pleasure. And im happy to look out for you now and in the future. I hope everything gets sorted out with grade 9s' and if i see them doing thing like that to you or anyone els i will do the same. im not at all saying we are saints ... eslspecially me, but i've personlly realised how much stupid things like that can do to someone. You must keep well man, and if you need help just help just shout."

I was really touched by this, he sounded like a completely new person, when we were in that meeting the year before, his apology was the most heartfelt and I like he really meant it, and it wasn't awkward thereafter either, if we waled passed each other he would say hello and I'd say hello too, or if I was going home he'd say goodbye to me.

So now back to the present year, we ended up being in the same homeroom class. And being in the same class is where I start to notice how seriously he is actually taking his promise, and it makes my heart melt. He's always been so sweet to me, like with all my health issues, at one point I was hospitalized for a week, and after I had an operation and wasn't able to carry my bag he was the first to offer to help, even this year when my gout spread to my foot and needed crutches, he was there to help me.

Earlier this year, we were in Afrikaans (Our additional compulsory language) and our group of friends were just talking casually and this one guy turned to me and started talking nonsense to me, and Luca just so happened to be sitting right in front of me and he immediately just gave the guy a glare and told him to "fuck off and stop talking shit to him, leave him alone" in such a defensive and protective manner and I just thanked Luca and turned back to my friends. This was the first time he'd been this protective over me, and it felt exhilarating, nobody had ever defended me in that way before and I felt so... I'd say safe is the right word to describe it.

And now, yesterday, half of our class was out on a life sciences trip or playing soccer match. This new kid that came to our school a few months ago, was harassing me and was messing with my art clay project, he kept on picking at my stuff and picking up pieces of clay saying that I didn't need them and that he wanted it, I was also holding a sculpture of my friend's in my container until she got back. So I didn't want him to ruin her art or mine, he just went at all my stuff so fast before I could stop him and I was starting to get anxiety because I didn't want to fight with this guy, because he is quite large and can get quite viscous. And Luca just so happened to be sitting next to me, he saw what he was doing and saw how upset and irritated I was getting and he instantly started defending me, telling him to leave my clay and my friend's clay alone and just to fuck off and stop bothering me. The guy instantly backed off and sat by himself away from me, I then turned to Luca and said thanks to him and he said no problem.

I love the way he can just make anybody stop picking on me, he makes me feel so safe when I'm around him. No guy has ever been so thoughtful and caring to me before, this is all new to me. But this is an issue for me, I'm afraid that I'm going to fall for him, even though I am aware that he is straight... well he has never said he was straight, it's just a normal thing for guys to be straight and not discuss it. A part of me thinks that he is definitely straight, and another part of me is thinking maybe he is just one of those people who fall in love with a person, and not a gender.

I'd like to believe the second one, but I really don't want to get my hopes up and be torn when I realize that he is definitely straight. I know that if there is an issue at school he would be the first person I'd talk to about it, he knows how sensitive I am, and how fragile I am as well, so I know he'll protect me. He is also extremely attractive, literally the hottest guy in our school, easy. I just don't want to get to emotionally involved in him and just be let down by something that may be inevitable.

I think the reason he's being so nice to me is because he is trying to make it up to me for what he did to me in the past, even though I had already forgotten about it all and he was completely off the hook, I think he still feels guilty about it, and although what he and his friends did to me did affect my mental health drastically, I knew I would be fine in the end. But I don't think he thinks that, and that he's afraid that anything could set me off and cause me to do something to myself again. I almost want to just tell him that he doesn't have to feel guilty anymore, that he is forgiven.

What do you guys think? Do any of you have any advice for me about this situation? I'm definitely not planning on saying or doing anything about it, this is the first time I've felt this way about him and I don't want to ruin our friendship by something stupid, I still need him for when things go bad because he is the only one who understands how bad things can get for me emotionally, and how little things affect my mental health drastically.

Thank You for reading and replying to my vent.

Male Streisand

 

Re: Ex Bully Is Now The Only Straight Guy I Trust? Thoughts? Please Reply I Need Advi

I have no idea what it might have been. I'm just worried that I'm going to get my heart broken again for falling in love with another straight guy, which actually led to the bullying in the first place. Actually, the first straight guy I fell in love with is actually Luca's best friend. I'm just scared that the nicer he is to me, the more I feel secure and safe around him, the more I'm going to fall for him and I can't have that.

Thank You for replying!

---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 06:20 PM ----------

I have no idea what it might have been. I'm just worried that I'm going to get my heart broken again for falling in love with another straight guy, which actually led to the bullying in the first place. Actually, the first straight guy I fell in love with is actually Luca's best friend. I'm just scared that the nicer he is to me, the more I feel secure and safe around him, the more I'm going to fall for him and I can't have that.

Thank You for replying!

 

Re: Ex Bully Is Now The Only Straight Guy I Trust? Thoughts? Please Reply I Need Advi

I don't think talking to him is an option.. We never really talk, at all. I don't think I have the courage to tell him how I feel, because I know it will make things really awkward between us, and I don't need another awkward relationship with someone. We've come this far to where we respect each other and can be in the same classroom without me feeling uncomfortable. Before he sent me that message, things were uncomfortable, we never spoke to each other (then again, we weren't in the same class), if we saw each other he'd always say hello or goodbye. Nothing more. So now we still don't talk as much, but we've gotten to a point where we can talk within a group without it feeling weird. Also, he has dated women in the past, I only know of two. So this just gives me almost like a red flashing sign saying "Stay Away!", and as much as I want to believe that sign, I want to believe that he doesn't believe in labels when it comes to his sexuality. But, that wouldn't make sense because he did bully me for being gay.. I really don't know what I think about this right now. He's never stated that he's straight, but then again, what straight guy just tells everyone he's straight. Any thoughts on this? I'm completely lost in my mind about how this is going on right now.
I'm just playing it by ear right now, see if he does anything else that might change how I feel.

I'd say that at the moment I'm stressed. I have a ton of work at school to do, so this has been at the back of my mind, but only in classes that he isn't in. I find that when I'm in classes with him, specifically Afrikaans, he sits near the front and I sit near the back, so I have a full view of him from behind. I catch myself watching him while I'm working. Is that weird? or a little creepy? LOL. Anyways, I think that for the most part, right now I'm doing good. Here and there there are some instances where I find myself regretting saying this or doing that, but other than that I'm doing good.

Thanks for replying! Really Appreciate it!

Male Streisand

 

Re: Ex Bully Is Now The Only Straight Guy I Trust? Thoughts? Please Reply I Need Advi

I think you're right, I'm just going to appreciate the fact that he has made such a great change. I wouldn't want to ruin any of it, especially since we both have a mutual respect for each other, and that I can rely on him if things get rough again.