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Advice on dating a little older?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MtnFr3sh, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. MtnFr3sh

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    I don't know, I didn't even know what to title this, so the title might even be wrong.

    I'm 19 as of yesterday. I met a guy. He's sweet, caring, and romantic. He has all the things I would want in the personality of a guy. There's only one catch. He is 27.

    He has two bachelor's degrees and is considering going back to get a third in business management. So he's successful.

    I don't mind older guys, at least a little bit anyway. My ideal relationship is with somebody my age or a little older. But since this guy in potential for a real relationship. I am questioning myself. On whether I like older guys, or just the idea of older guys.

    If he was only 25 there wouldn't be a question about it.

    I have fooled around a little bit with a guy before, a guy older than the guy who likes me. He was in his 40s But it was just a one time thing where we fooled around a little bit.

    I just feel confused, I feel like I need confirmation that dating somebody 8 years older than me is okay.

    I just... I don't know. Help. If anybody has any experience in dating boys a little older than them. Please? Give me a little advice?
     
  2. faustian1

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    Well, sure it's OK. If it's casual, it might even work.

    However, if you're thinking relationship, I hope he is aligned to give you the space you need to learn things your own way. <---This is my politically correct way of saying that I hope he won't look down on you, because you're a little behind him in life's lessons. I don't mean any disrespect by that. It's just that, in relationships it's good to be aligned with the struggles of the other person.

    Anyway, maybe you could write a bit about the compatibility of your personalities, if you think it might go there. But, to answer your first question, dating somebody older at your age is OK, if you want to do it.
     
  3. JonSomebody

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    As I've mentioned in one of my previous threads...my first boyfriend was much older than myself. There was like an 18 year age gap between us. However, because he was older and probably due to the fact that I had always considered to be an "old soul" at heart...probably that is why it worked for all the years we were together. Being with him had also helped me grow up a lot as well in a lot of ways because he was more about stability as opposed to having fun and clubbing like so many guys my age was doing. In so many ways..he was more like a protector and full of wisdom so to speak. All in all...age to me was not a factor because he did not look his age and kept himself in very good shape. As for your situation...it seems you have already gotten your mind made up on the specifics of what type of guy you are looking for and if you have issues with his age then I would suggest that you do not pursue and move on to someone more fitting to what you desire.

    As faustian1 mentioned in his response...he may be just into something casual but then again....perhaps you should first find out if he is interested in something more before making assumptions unless this has already been discussed between the two of you. However, again...if its something you do not want to pursue then I suggest you move on to something you feel is a better fit for you.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    This question comes up a lot on Empty Closets and the advice is always the same... if you are in your teens or early twenties it really is better to date people around the same age. We don't say this to be judgemental or unkind, we say it because experience and evidence suggests it's the most healthy and stable kind of relationship for somebody in your age group. A gap of eight years can be very significant and problematic when you are so young and more often than not it results in a lot of pain and heartache when it eventually goes wrong.
     
  5. Creativemind

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    I feel like it depends on the situation. I'm 26 but I still live with parents, can't drive, only now starting college. And I'm psychologically younger than my chronological age due to mental disabilities. So an 18 year old is technically "my age" when it comes to psyche and where we're at at life.

    But would I date one....? It's hard to say because I feel like there's a creepy vibe to it regardless of what I do. Yet most people my age also give off a "creepy/unhealthy" vibe since they have more experience, maturity, and power over my psychological state.

    It's hard to know what I'd do in my situation, but this guy sounds like he has completely different life experience.
     
    #5 Creativemind, Sep 21, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2016
  6. Gunsmoke

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    I agree! Whilst physical age is always going to matter, I think your mental age is just as - if not more - significant (as long as you're both consenting adults, etc etc).

    For example, I'm 18 but mentally older, if I had to pick I'd put my mental age at around 22/23-ish. Romance-wise, I often find people the same age as me, especially boys, to be less emotionally/mentally mature and I tend to be more attracted to people a few years older than myself. It's just the way I am.

    Is it that kind of situation for you? Do you think that you're at a similar level of maturity? Despite the importance of physical age, a mental and emotional attachment is always going to be more important - again, as long as you're both consenting adults.

    Honestly, I don't think it's that bad. You're both still young adults, it's not as if one of you is turning 40 next year. If I were you, I'd trust my instinct. If you decide that you want a relationship with this guy, it's not as if you're selling your soul; if you become uncomfortable around him or he starts taking advantage of you then it's never too late to redirect things.

    Good luck!
     
    #6 Gunsmoke, Sep 21, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2016
  7. Jax12

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    I've been there, done that. If anything, relationships with older guys seem more sexual, less romantic. A couple years is fine, but the closer it gets to the 10 year mark, the more you gotta think about whether it's right for you. In any relationship, communication and trust is key, so if you can establish that you're set.