my best friend has a secret account

so this is a really complicated situation.

my friend and i have been friends since we were 10, like, best friends, sleepovers every weekend in middle school. she was my only friend for the entirety of middle school and we're now 16. we go to different schools but we still hang out a ton. i realized i was gay when i was 13.

i was on twitter in early 2015 when i saw it was recommending i follow someone. i recognized it was her by the profile picture which was her pet. there were enough details in her bio that i was totally sure it was her. the thing is she was posting a lot about sexuality and stuff and she was identifying as a lesbian, talking about this crush she had. i was shocked because she'd never said anything to me (but then again i never did either so). my first thought was, maybe she's set this up because, you know, she wants to experiment with a label and see how it feels before deciding something, i mean, i did that too. and i would feel bad if someone i know confronted me about that, cause you know, that's kind of like private. so i said to myself, i'll look back in 6 months and see if she's still tweeting. 6 months later she's still actively tweeting on that account.

so next time she slept over i told her i was gay, hoping maybe that if she was still identifying that way or similar, she might feel better about talking to me about questioning herself.

all she said was "yeah, i know?"

so now it's almost 2 years later, i feel like i've really opened up to her about everything but she still won't talk to me about it, and i don't want to bring it up myself (if she tells me, of course i'll tell her about the twitter thing but i don't think it's right to confront her myself).

any advice?

 

Hmm... For now it's probably best to not probe her about her sexuality. She might not feel ready to come out to people she knows in real life yet.

Maybe you could try asking her to come along with you to a LGBTQ support group as an "ally"? (Idk if there's one in your area). That might make her feel safer.

All in all, I wouldn't confront her about and just wait and see if she ever comes out to you.

 

no, there's not really anything like that in our area. most people in my community are very accepting so we don't really need one. i don't want to confront her, not at all, i'm just confused as to like why she hasn't tried to talk to me; i tried to make her feel more comfortable and maybe be able to talk to me by coming out to her but, i don't know, i feel stupid.

also 100% agree stevonnie for president all hail the gay space rocks

 

Okay I think I understand the situation a bit better. Uhm, I'm really not sure what you should do other than wait... If you have a Twitter account maybe you could follow her? I'm probably not the best person to give you advice so if someone else wants to chime in that would be A+

(also thanks for complimenting my signature )

 

haha no problem

yeah i don't want to follow her because i feel like that's just like an indirect confrontation and i want her to be the one to tell me. thank you though

 

The nice thing about EC, I guess, is that it is frequently challenging my sexual and sex role stereotypes. When I read the part above, I thought "this is just what a guy would do." We are always maintaining that wall between us and our friends, even when the other opens the door through the wall and invites us to cross through.

So she's behaving like a guy. Or not.

I guess the one thing you can surmise from her response is that it isn't you she has the crush on. If I were in your place, I'd sure be disappointed in this friend. Based on what you wrote, it appeared you had a much more intimate friendship than she appears to indicate.

 

Let your friend do their thing I guess. You cant really force them anything as much as you want to. Let them know you're there for them and hopefully they can open up.

 

I know its hard but I'd just leave it and let her tell you when she's ready. When I was questioning I had a secret Instagram account. It really helped me to come to accept myself. The only issue was that my sister who was maybe 14 at the time had found out. She basically threatened to tell my mum (who heard her say this) so I ended up just blurting out that I was gay. I'm not saying this sort of thing would definitely happen if you confronted her; but I guess I just hated how I was pressured into coming out before I was ready. Hope this helps you ride:

P.s - my sister is 100% supportive of me, she just didn't know how to deal with it to begin with, I guess she thought she was helping the situation. x

 

yeah :/ that's what i'm worried(?) about. i knew it wasn't me that she had the crush on from the start but i don't know who it is. they go to her school (i don't)

---------- Post added 21st Sep 2016 at 08:00 PM ----------

Thanks everyone. I feel a little better about it now.