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My friend still likes me eventhough she knows I'm gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RainbowsFactory, Sep 21, 2016.

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  1. RainbowsFactory

    RainbowsFactory
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    Hello! :slight_smile: I have a problem that's been bothering me (especially recently). I am a 16 years old gay male and I came out to most of my friends since last year. Now, all of my friends are extremely supportive of it and I am so grateful for that! <3

    However, I have one friend that I used to call my "best friend" but now, I only consider her as my friend. When I told her I was gay (last year), she seemed to be in disbelief and took time to accept it. (However, she still says I'm not "normal".)

    She has had a crush on me since 2 years, and she asked me out 2 years ago. I foolishly accepted to go out with her (I thought I was bisexual and I was still in the closet) yet, the closest that we got to each other was hugging. (We broke up two weeks later, because I told her that I didn't feel much love for her at all.)

    We are still friends and we still see each other during break times at school. The thing that is bothering me is that I think that she still has a crush on me. :/

    All of my friends tell me that it's so obvious that she has a crush on me. She writes those stories on her phone and whenever I try to look at what she's writing, she hides her phone and tells me to never ever read her stories. I respect that so I didn't insist to read them however, I once peaked at her phone and saw my name in it. I read one sentence and it was a sex scene between her and I. (Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.) I know that it's her own private stories but I am a bit disturbed that somebody fantasizes about me in a sexual way...

    Also, she is very close to me whenever I'm around. In fact, if another friend comes closer to me and we talk together, she seems to get angry and gives a menacing stare at the person who is talking with me. :frowning2: She also follows me EVERYWHERE I go. I try to have a bit of time without her during the day (because I would like to talk with people other than her sometimes) but she always follows me.

    Furthermore, she always hugs me and holds my arm (as if I was her boyfriend). I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings but I've honestly had enough.

    What should I do? If I tell her to stop being so clingy, she will take it really badly (she is very dramatic) and will probably hate me. All of my friends tell me to tell her that but I don't know. I don't want to make her sad. :frowning2: She knows that I am gay but she doesn't seem to get it that I'm not interested in having a romantic relationship with her. Sorry if this was long.
     
    #1 RainbowsFactory, Sep 21, 2016
  2. killswitch0029

    killswitch0029
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    Being upfront and honest might be the best approach, but you also want to try and take her feelings into account. Given it's a one-sided crush and you're both pretty young starting off by telling you you're uncomfortable with her conduct is bound to bring about a shit storm. Maybe start but pulling her aside one day and just ask her to be completely honest with you. Once she spills her guts from there you can give her your side of everything and come to a compromise that way. As for the phone thing.... you might want to just leave that out. If she hears that she may think you just routinely invade her personal privacy and that could bring about even more issues.
     
    #2 killswitch0029, Sep 21, 2016
  3. resu

    resu
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    I agree with talking to her in private about what she is feeling. Straight people often don't really understand what being gay means, especially if they have some reason to hope you are straight (e.g. your friend's crush). Also, you might try to turn things around and talk about your boy crushes or other things to make it clear you're gay.
     
    #3 resu, Sep 21, 2016
  4. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

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    I think she is in denial about you being gay and is still hopeful, which is understandable, especially at her age. I don't think it's necessary to tell her she's clingy, or to have a dramatic confrontation, but it might be good to have a one on one conversation about how she feels about you. Perhaps mention how you enjoy the friendship but that sometimes you feel like she expects more. Remind her gently that you are gay and cannot have a relationship with a woman even if you wanted to. I'm sure she will come around sometime. Also, I totally understand feeling uncomfortable about someone fantasizing about you sexually, but this happens all the time and it's pretty innocent as long as they don't force you into something you don't want. So try not to take that too personally.
     
    #4 AlmostBlue, Sep 21, 2016
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