This might not be the right forum to post this but... I don't know much about other gay male relationships. I'm in a married gay relationship, and I know this other couple that is in a married gay relationship. We are monogamous, and I have no reason to think that they aren't. I have two questions: In heterosexual couples, if the women are friends it's fine... and if the men are friends it's fine... but if the a man makes friends with a married woman it's suspect. Everyone thinks there's hanky-panky going on. Opposites attract, and it the same goes for gay couples. In most couples there is a more masculine one, and a more feminine one. So... Say I'm a gay man who's married and I make friends with a more feminine gay married man. There's nothing going on, but will his partner suspect I'm trying to be MORE than friends with his spouse? Question #2) Let's complicate the situation. Say I'm a gay untransitioned trans-man, and my partner doesn't want me to come out. And I'm in the same situation. The other gay man thinks I'm girl. If I ever come out will I get the evil eye from his spouse? Should I come out before we get to be really good friends?
If your relationship is strong and healthy, it shouldn't matter that you wish to be friends with another guy - masculine or feminine. If it does matter there is a big issue in the relationship that needs to be addressed. I have to say that I also disagree with the idea that a straight married man/married woman cannot have a friend of the opposite sex without it arousing suspicion. As far as #2 is concerned, I would suggest it's important for the untransitioned trans-man to be honest from a very early stage. If the trans-man in question intends to create a really good friendship he needs to address the issue of his gender early on. It's not the sort of thing you keep from a close friend. If a spouse gives the 'evil eye' it's the spouses problem.
Thank you for responding, PatrickUK. As a highly libidinous bisexual, I've found that truly platonic friends... where no one is interested the other sexually... are rare. But so far it feels that way with this guy.
