I don't have crushes. Or, I didn't have crushes. I just never got them. I did at one point, but that was Kindergarten. AND those were female. But now I have one. And it's on a dude. It wasn't until after I realized I wasn't straight did I develop feelings for him. I only realized I wasn't straight by, uhm, sexual attraction. Not romantic attraction. This crush was, and might still be, my best friend. I say that "might still be" because it seems he's been ignoring me. I have a suspicion that's he gay/bi. He makes gay jokes all the time, which may just be a 13 year old's humor, but it just doesn't seem like that to me. And then twice he's rubbed my chest, and then laughed it off as if it was a joke. It didn't feel like a joke, though. Him doing it seemed genuine. But yesterday, in one of our short and awkward conversations, he says this: "The girls volleyball shirts are out of dress code. Not that I'm complaining". So really I have no clue what he is. It's probably just wishful thinking on my part. A month ago everything was fine. A month ago I was accepting who I was and starting to embrace it. A month ago, we were fine. He came over to my house to hangout and everything was fine. School started a month ago and we only have one class together. One where we can't really interact much. And then, about the second week of school I start to develop feelings for him. Out of the blue. I would see him and get butterflies in my stomach. However, that only lasted a few days. After that, I could see us in a relationship. I wanted to be in a relationship. I can't see myself in a relationship with any of my other friends. None of them. Earlier this week, I was next to him really close in our 1 class period together and sort of freaked out on the inside hoping our hands would touch. So I'd say I still have a crush on him. Like I said earlier, I only have one class with him, and we can't really talk to each other, interact with each other in it. And we kind of started to drift away before I developed feelings for him. It feels like he's ignoring me intentionally. I try to make attempts of talking to him, but it feels like he's avoiding it. I've tried to get close to him, but he moves. I acknowledge him in the hallways, but he doesn't acknowledge me. We were really good friends last year, always talking, hanging out together. He doesn't respond to my texts either, but when he does, their very short repsonses. But that's when he does respond. I'm really confused, hurt, and other things. I'm not openly bi. Only my parents know. I don't know what to do about this. I don't want us to drift apart. I'd rather be good friends and liking him than us not talking to each other. I don't know what to do.
